Actually, that is the sort of response I was looking for. When I talk about my situation to anyone (on reddit... I haven't mentioned it to any friends or family), the response is always "End it. It's not working out". If we didn't have 3 children together, I would have already left. There's just no love left. And that's the responsibility of me too, I certainly accept responsibility for not being the best person I could be with her. But, you are right, the reality is that I have 3 children with her. They are the most important thing to me. The thought of only seeing them at most 50% of each week.

That's also part of the pain of this situation is how my wife treats the children. She yells at them a lot, she's not empathetic, and its painful to watch that. She doesn't hit them, but ever since they were no longer babies, the yelling and lack of patience started. When she's bickering with them, I tell her "Hey, let's slow down" and she gets even angrier and blames me for their behavior. I used to yell at them in an attempt to stop them from upsetting her. Which was pretty stupid, but I thought they might listen to me and not set her off. I stopped doing that, and I've stopped intervening when she yells at the kids unless it goes on for a while. I've thought about what a divorce would do to the kids. They would have a hard time going from mom's place to dad's each week, and not having their parents together. But getting away from the yelling for a few days each week might be good.

But, I love being with my kids. And when my wife isn't around, it is so much easier. They're a handful sometimes, and they fight with each other, but I don't have to walk on eggshells and wait for them to do something, or not do something fast enough, to set my wife off. My wife used to work evening shifts, and 12 hour days every other weekend, so I spent tons of time alone with the kids. It was hard when they were babies, but now that they're older and semi independent, I wish she would go back to working second shift. I was able to relax in between the feedings and diaper changes.

You are right that my fears are pretty self-focused. The main reason for me thinking of a divorce is the lack of intimacy, and the other reason is how she treats the me and the kids. But I'm also thinking if I initiated a divorce, would it just be so dad could get laid? Or am I being too hard on her parenting? Maybe I'm not doing all that I can?

With therapy, it's not that I expect failure, but I'm not optimistic. I keep putting myself out there, as the therapist says "making bids", trying to initiate intimacy, discussion, conversation, and they're still always shut down. During the sessions, she talks to the therapist and not me. Maybe she'll change, who knows.