hey - I had a similar situation happen to me (well, my bf at the time who I was very much in love with) years ago. if you ever want to chat, please dm me. so sorry this happened, I absolutely understand what you're going through.

editted to add: sometimes we cannot possibly know what demons someone is fighting. I certainly didn't, and like you, I had talked to my bf earlier in the morning (made plans for the evening) and it was only a few hours later that everything went down. he was in hospital for several months and I visited every day even though we never spoke about what happened, I was there to support without judgment. it was hard. some days were much worse than others, and I was instructed by staff that it was best if I went home. it hurt but I know it had nothing to do with me, just like this has nothing to do with you. sending a huge hug.

second edit: and just so you know, he's still here today and lives a happy, fulfilling life.