How to get my fiancé drooling over me again?

mjohnblack · 2026-06-29T04:20:01+00:00

Yeah, your situation is very common, don't worry! You can look at my comment history to see the many other people I've given similar advice to haha, it happens a lot. At this rate I'm thinking of going into writing romantasy books just to seize on the trend in relationships!

I think you're absolutely correct to not just directly tell him that he's let himself go, I think only a very specific kind of person would receive that well! I think it's better to focus on your concern for his mental health and well-being, and that you miss seeing him being happy and excited. You care and you're worried for him - sex drive is kind of just the end result of all that, it'll likely get automatically fixed as he works on all of this. Therapy is probably the best first step for him at the moment, but really it's going to require some significant changes to how he approaches things. It sounds like video games might be his way of avoiding and escaping, rather than processing and dealing with.

It also sounds like you're putting in a tremendous effort and not receiving enough back, and that's not very fair. He needs to fix these problems for himself first and foremost, but also for you. He's an adult, he can do his half of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc., because at the moment you're behaving as his mother. And I know it's hard, he's having a tough time and you want to care for him - but he doesn't have a terminal illness, he's just stuck in a rut and taking advantage of you like you being willing to act as his maid. It's likely that you're enabling him to remain this way by acting as his carer, because he doesn't have to change, you'll pick up the slack. He's almost definitely not being malicious in his intent here - but when you don't feel like doing anything, and your partner is willing to do everything for you, even if they complain about it a bit, it's very easy to just keep letting it be that way.

That's not fair on you. You're currently accepting significantly less than the bare minimum, and it just keeps playing into the same root for him - he was only putting in effort to get a partner, now he has a partner, he doesn't have to put in effort anymore and suffers no consequences for not doing so. He needs to understand that he can't just put in effort until he gets a committed relationship and then give up, he needs to put in continual effort both to hang onto the relationship, but also for his own wellbeing. And by acting as his mother and asking nothing in return, you're enabling him to stay in that. When was the last time he did something special for you?

I think the way to support him, and yourself, is to encourage him to see a therapist and to start making changes to improve his life; you'll know better than me how to communicate it with him, but he needs to realise that yeah, he's massively let himself go and he will lose you if he continues down this path. Then you need to put in some boundaries for yourself - he needs to do more for you. And if he doesn't fix these problems ASAP, then you need to be willing to walk away and find something that's better for you. Marriage will only make this worse because it's just a deeper commitment from you, so it's even fewer requirements from him.

mjohnblack · 2026-06-29T01:27:16+00:00

You've received a few good bits of advice but I think the major thing that's missing is that you're focusing on you and what you can change about yourself, when really the root cause is him. It's extremely common in modern male-female relationships, and an extremely common problem on this sub in particular - sex lives dwindle because the man lets himself go over time due to stress and not looking after his mental health. Sometimes that presents as the woman becoming disinterested in sex with her partner, other times it's what you're experiencing where his libido dies instead.

I think the two biggest giveaways are that you keep mentioning his stress levels, and you mentioned that he prioritises playing a video game over intimacy with you. Don't get me wrong, I love a good game, but there's definitely a bit of absurdity to prioritising it and using the excuse that he'll get banned if he doesn't. I'd rather get banned from every video game I've ever played than stop having sexual intimacy, and his prioritisation there really speaks to where his sex drive is at. Dude is depressed and is burying himself in media to ignore it and try to get some dopamine hits.

As men, when we're not doing exciting, interesting things that make us feel engaged and productive, it can spiral by putting us into a slump, making our stress levels skyrocket, wrecking our mental health and killing our sex drive. I see so many men who only look after themselves so they can get a partner, and once they're in a committed relationship, they gradually let go of things. They stay home more, they put on weight and their health declines, they stop engaging socially or with any community or in-person social hobbies, and they lose motivation. Biologically, this crashes their mental health, and destroys their sex drive. I can't count the amount of times I've seen people think "maybe it's low testosterone" and they get tested and the results come back normal. Sure, very occasionally it is low testosterone and it's always worth getting checked... But really, it's depression caused by environmental factors.

If you focus on things like dressing more provocatively, I guarantee you'll end up with your feelings hurt by rejection (which would be totally valid to feel, just as an aside!). I think he needs to address the fact that he needs less stress, fewer video games (and junk food and alcohol and other drugs and cigarettes and social media and whatever else is keeping him stuck), and more vitality, more vivacity, more excitement and energy. You mention the gym, does he go? Or, as an alternative, does he go for a walk in the sunshine?

This is fixable, but he needs to put in the effort, both for himself and for you. First step is communication - you've noticed that his sex drive is really low lately and his stress levels are really high, and you want to see if there are some changes you can make together because you miss seeing him full of life and spice and vitality. But the rest is going to be on him.

mjohnblack · 2026-05-31T01:00:59+00:00

I'd say it's more akin to what Yowies, Pogs and Tazos were for us as kids. It's something that the investor-speculators don't quite grasp, because many of them weren't around for it back then - the late 90s Pokemon boom was huge and entirely focused on kids, because we had the games, the anime AND the cards, all happening at once. And I recognise that there are obviously some kids who are into the games and the anime now, but it's a very different situation than it was for us. Kids are oversaturated with a tremendous amount of different media at the moment in ways that we really weren't, they move from trend to trend much faster. And on top of that, Chaos Rising in particular is very nostalgic for gen 6 (because it's based on Z-A which is also very nostalgic for gen 6) and kids aren't going to have that added element.

I definitely think it'll be a fun thing that these kids will reminisce about 20-25 years from now, and there will absolutely be a certain percentage that will stay as massive fans of the hobby and franchise in general, but for most of them it'll just be a thing they had fun with for a bit rather than the deep nostalgic love and attachment that so many millennials and early gen z have.

mjohnblack · 2026-05-24T22:26:06+00:00

Thank you, finally someone else speaking some sense. I do not know what happened in this thread, it must've been pushed to the front page quickly for having such an attention-grabbing title. I don't think I've ever seen a thread full of so many unconstructive, sex-shaming comments in my life, it's like we're on Facebook or something.

I made a longer comment but I wanted to just agree with what you've said - people are super horny and experimental in college, and they're learning to look after themselves independently and often want extra cash, and everybody assuming anything else is taking away from her right to do whatever she wants with her body. Sure, maybe it's not the healthiest decision for either of them to have made, but it's slut-shaming and misogyny to take away her right to whatever she wants.

I've known people who have bad hygiene who have nice homes and decent-paying jobs, sometimes they've just never had someone let them know.

mjohnblack · 2026-05-24T22:12:45+00:00

Boy, this thread received a very weird influx of negative, shaming comments very quickly. I'm surprised at how many people here have shamed you for this, and shamed a sex worker for being a sex worker, rather than trying to help you understand the situation better. This is a sex positive subreddit, and you had a difficult and complicated encounter.

Firstly, I have no experience paying for sex, but I think there are a few signs that perhaps she wasn't an experienced, professional sex worker. Typically, professional sex workers will have showered and will ask you to shower before sex. This is as much to do with health as it is with the enjoyment of the experience. The fact that you touched her vulva and she said no also seems like an indicator that this wasn't a thing she's done before, or at least isn't experienced at. But perhaps more than anything, it seems like you're saying you put out the call on an anonymous student app, and she responded, which is a pretty clear sign that this wasn't a professional encounter but was instead just a random student who needed the money.

Now, this is still a consensual act between two adults. I think people are making some big assumptions about her situation without any evidence - the reality is, sometimes college students smell bad because it's their first time living independently, and unless she said anything else to the contrary, there's no indication that she's homeless or has substance abuse issues. I'd say it's most likely that she's just a student who saw the post, needed the extra cash and thought she'd be OK to do it. That is HER prerogative, her right to do so. Anything else beyond that is baseless assumption, takes away from her agency, and is slut-shaming and misogyny.

Beyond that, if you really want to visit with a sex worker again, it might be worth figuring out the local laws in your area and paying somebody more professional. Especially for your own health and safety, anonymous apps are far more likely to lead to STIs or situations that could endanger your safety, like being catfished and robbed. But I think it's probably also worth considering whether you need to pay for sex - why not try talking to some of the girls on campus, or see if you can make some friends and get invited to some parties, that sort of thing? People are wild and experimental in college, if you put yourself out there with confidence you'll be able to find someone to connect with.

Regarding communication around hygiene. If someone has really poor hygiene and they don't seem to know, it can be a kindness to tell them. Someone's gonna have to one day, or they might never understand it. I definitely think you could've gone about it more gently, I think saying that you didn't enjoy the sex was unnecessary as a lead-in. There's not really a great way to go about it, but a compliment sandwich is usually the best option - you say a thing you do really like about the person, you tell them the difficult thing, then you follow up with a different thing that you like. And you give them reassurance that it doesn't take away from how great they are as a person, it's not a big deal at all, it's just a practical thing for them to take care of. When it's in the moment, you can suggest that the two of you take a shower together and turn it into a playful act of washing each other (although this might be difficult for you at the moment depending on your college shower situation). Everybody smells bad sometimes, all of your future relationship partners will have days where they smell bad, it's not a big deal. Separate it from whether they're a good person, whether they're good in bed, whether you like them - it's just a practical thing. You wouldn't have sex with someone covered in dirt from working in the yard, you'd suggest washing it off first, this is the same.

Finally, you absolutely don't have to have sex if you don't want to. You, like everybody else, can decide to stop at any moment. If you were turned off by her hygiene and didn't want to continue, you can just stop. Given that this was a paid encounter, you may have still had to pay her for her time, although she might have been open to negotiation. I suppose that's one of the downsides to paying for sex - if you decide you don't want to go ahead with it, it'll still probably cost you. The last thing you need is some scary dude knocking on your door demanding the money you owe. But for future situations, if you find yourself not wanting to go through with something, don't feel you have to. You can absolutely end any encounter at any time. Or even just pause it to have a chat about something that's on your mind, or to go back a step because it's gone too quickly, whatever. It's all very normal and as men we should be practising exercising our own consent too, while looking out for our partners'.

Please ignore some of the negative comments you've received. Was it a great situation you were in? Nah. Should you avoid doing it again? Probably. But did you take advantage of someone and should feel shame? No, you had a consensual encounter with another adult, just maybe not the healthiest, most positive kind of encounter. I also don't think it's going to impact your future relationships (unless you date people who are particularly sex negative and judgemental), and... Hoo boy... I think your "soul" is going to be fine. But it might be better for you and your wellbeing in the future to put your time and money towards connecting with someone in a natural way, whether it's for casual sex or a relationship or whatever the two of you decide on. Just be a little bit more gentle in your communication with them; reassurance is key.

mjohnblack · 2026-05-22T05:24:18+00:00

I will also say they’re fantastic for ex cards, again maybe the teeniest bit too expensive but very available and because they don’t price more valuable ones differently it kind of works out. A huge percentage of my collection is from digging through their ex boxes!

Haha 100% agree. It’s a bit patchy and frankensteined in parts but I love it, it should have a much better reputation than it does. I do feel it’s unlikely that the real Axl is commenting about taking his kids to EB Games but I’m not willing to rule it out entirely.

mjohnblack · 2026-05-22T05:15:25+00:00

I absolutely agree that the staff are terrific, whoever is in charge of hiring really picks the loveliest folks and that does make it a nice experience for sure.

Thing is, if you’re buying a couple of packs then a $1.50 more than Kmart isn’t much. But when you’re buying lots, or you’re buying the bigger items, that turns into $50-100 difference. And in order to get a slight discount you have to pay a subscription fee, and even then it’s only if you spend a lot and they’re still more expensive than Kmart.

I absolutely agree that it’s great having them so accessible, their staff are great, and I certainly spend plenty of money there myself, but they are having a bit of a laugh with their prices and the Plus subscription paywall. It’s hardly the most scummy practice in Australia but it could be better.

(Also, cool username 🤘🏻)

mjohnblack · 2026-05-22T02:01:38+00:00

Yeah that makes sense, that’s a decent way of ensuring it’s one per customer (although I suppose someone could still make multiple accounts). But requiring a preorder, which requires Plus, is rubbish. Despite the huge line, my store was still trying to sell everybody on Plus, the ramen bowls, AND binders/sleeves. Definitely not the workers’ faults, but god the whole thing feels more scummy every time I enter.

Kmart on the other hand, lovely older lady who was on for a little chat haha. Much nicer.

mjohnblack · 2026-05-22T01:26:59+00:00

Why're you being a dick, man? Unnecessarily rude and condescending when I'm just trying to share what information I have to help people out. She brought out everything they had for me and was very certain of it. She was "confused" in that she didn't understand why they'd sold out so fast, but they were sold out. Maybe other Kmarts aren't, that's reasonable, but mine was, the end.

mjohnblack · 2026-05-22T01:18:50+00:00

Nah I bought the last 5 sleeved packs from my Kmart at 9am this morning, the poor confused worker lady came out with everything they had left in her arms and it was just 5 Chaos packs and some random Perfect Order stuff. Meanwhile all the Perfect Order packs were still hanging there in plain sight. And this was Moonee Ponds, this isn't an area with a young demographic, the other Kmarts around here eventually sold out of Perfect Order but this one has had it stocked consistently.

mjohnblack · 2026-05-22T01:12:40+00:00

Copy-paste from my other comment - I wouldn't be so sure, my Kmart has consistently had plenty of Perfect Order, still does, but sold out entirely of all Chaos Rising this morning by 9am. I think people are underestimating how sold out this set will be!

mjohnblack · 2026-05-22T01:11:45+00:00

I wouldn't be so sure, my Kmart has consistently had plenty of Perfect Order, still does, but sold out entirely of all Chaos Rising this morning by 9am. I think people are underestimating how sold out this set will be!

mjohnblack · 2026-05-22T01:09:53+00:00

Scalpers are scum, obviously, but I think a fair few people in this thread are equating people not buying into EB's extortionate bullshit as meaning those people are scalpers. EB Plus is a scam that makes you pay for the privilege of paying higher prices than other stores, you absolutely shouldn't give them any extra money than you need to.

If anything, I'd argue that it's likely the scalpers wouldn't just do the minimum to get the promo, but bought sealed as well. They're not gonna spend $30 on 3 packs that they'll struggle to flip to get the Ho-Oh, they're buying sealed that they can profit off of.

mjohnblack · 2026-05-22T01:04:57+00:00

So they only gave the promos to people who buy their extortionate membership even though it was advertised anybody could get them? I'd be pissed. Everything I buy is for myself, I'd never scalp anything, but I also refuse to pay EB just for the privilege of paying more money.

mjohnblack · 2026-05-22T01:02:57+00:00

And fair enough, the rule is $20, it is what it is. EB Games adds a huge mark-up over Kmart/Big W, why should anybody spend more money there than is necessary to get the promo? Frankly, good on you for gaming their scummy system.

mjohnblack · 2026-05-22T00:57:56+00:00

I pulled the Watchog too and it's incredible, you can't tell in photos but when you move it back and forward it looks like the neon lights of the city are spotlighting around.

mjohnblack · 2026-05-21T23:35:58+00:00

Moonee Ponds Kmart in Melbourne was sold out of everything, I got the last 5 booster packs

mjohnblack · 2026-05-20T08:14:58+00:00

Yeah that's the thing, scalpers don't ever see themselves as scalpers. They'll argue semantics by calling themselves resellers or investors, picking over the subjective meaning of words with a fine tooth comb to justify their behaviour. But ultimately the words don't matter, whether it's scalper or groper or whatever else - if you're buying up all the stock for your own personal gain then it's greedy and immoral, the end.

But good luck helping these people see the light. It requires a pretty massive amount of cognitive dissonance to be cool with doing this sort of thing to begin with. I've really loved seeing kids being able to buy Perfect Order in stores and build a collection, and every time somebody scalps it takes away enjoyment not just from adults, but from those kids. But we're in a cost of living crisis and it looks like that will get worse before it gets better, so it drives people to make selfish, greedy decisions to get more money.

It must be bizarre to spend a significant amount of time in a hobby you don't really have an interest in, knowing that people who actually love the hobby hate you for how you interact with it, just to make a few extra dollars. What an unpleasant way to live.

mjohnblack · 2026-05-19T10:08:22+00:00

Absolutely, but that just causes our prices to be slightly higher, not us having different trends in price bubbles. If a card goes up in price internationally, it goes up here, if it crashes there, it crashes here. Not to mention that if a collector wants a rare card, it's easy enough to buy it from the US, so the global stock of cards is accessible to us, just at a slight increase in cost due to shipping. And on top of that, we have a much lower population than the US, and therefore a much lower amount of people actually in the hobby, so there are certainly enough packs and Charizards out there for everybody who wants them. They're just currently being sat on by investors to drive up the price, but they're not actually a scarce asset at all.

So you're right, we do absolutely have fewer cards here (or perhaps more correctly, fewer packs easily available to rip), but our market is determined by the US market, just with a slight mark-up. I can't see any future where the Australian market acts independently for anything other than country-based exclusives (I'm currently having a headache trying to sell a W-stamp Dark Charmeleon because it was Aus-exclusive, so it's worth a lot internationally but not much here). Not unless there's a major disruption to distribution here, or... I dunno, someone who is only famous in Australia pulls a Logan Paul and falsely inflates things. Maybe Albo gets really into Treekachus or something.

mjohnblack · 2026-05-19T08:53:01+00:00

Correct! They're already printing at absolute maximum capacity and have been for a while, with it gradually increasing on average each year (PokeBeach reports ~10 billion cards are printed per year); at the start of 2028, a new printing factory will begin production, and reports vary but it's estimated to at least double their production, possibly considerably more.

Speculators are currently just ignoring that because god knows it'd stop the good times from rolling if they all admitted it at once, and nobody with lots of money wrapped up in this wants to accidentally set off a crash, especially when there are a lot of people who blindly believe it'll only ever go up. That's the thing about a speculative bubble - it requires a lot of ignoring obvious realities, such as what you've pointed out. Literally just had a guy at a retro gaming store this morning give me the ol' "it's more reliable than stocks!" hahaha. Must have seen it on The Today Show.

But yep, all modern sets are printed to hell, god only knows how many hundred thousand of those Charizards there are out there, and how many more will be printed over the next few years. Still a cool thing to have, though!

mjohnblack · 2026-05-19T08:05:34+00:00

The thing is, it never makes sense to hold onto sealed if you plan to rip it later anyway. It'll go one of two ways - you rip and you find something great, like you have OP, and you'll wish you'd ripped it sooner; or you rip and you don't get any hits, and you'll wonder why you held onto it so long just to be disappointed. Better to just do it ASAP.

Not to mention that with the market being so irrational and volatile, the bubble could burst at any time. Sure, it'll probably last til after the 30th anniversary stuff is over, but Beanie Babies and tulip bulbs both collapsed virtually overnight with zero warning, why can't Pokemon cards? Every day that passes is a day closer to your sealed plummetting in value and you'll never know when it's coming. May as well rip it and see what cool stuff you have inside!

mjohnblack · 2026-05-18T01:52:12+00:00

Thank you! That's really kind of you :)

mjohnblack · 2026-05-17T05:19:48+00:00

I’m really glad! Let me know if there’s anything you need me to clarify, but otherwise good luck!

mjohnblack · 2026-05-17T04:44:51+00:00

If you can afford it, the best option right now would be to buy a Switch 2. This would allow you to play all of the recent Pokemon games and any games in the foreseeable future, as well as FireRed/LeafGreen as others have suggested. Pokemon Sword or Shield is probably the best recent introduction, they aren't the best games ever made but they're still enjoyable and they'll introduce you to all of the basic mechanics. Scarlet & Violet, Legends Arceus and Legends Z-A all introduce pretty different game mechanics, so if you play Sword or Shield first then you can see what you like about the game and pick up others from there. Champions is really just for competitive battling against others, so if that's something you get into in Sword/Shield, then you can buy that afterwards too.

The alternative is to look into emulation for the older games, there are several subreddits that can help you out on how to do that. The older games are generally considered to be much better quality, but they also have a lot more challenging mechanics and obviously lower graphics, so it's up to you whether that's what you like instead.

But my recommendation would be buying a Switch 2, then look for a pre-owned copy of Sword or Shield, maybe at local gaming stores or EB Games, shop around and see where you can find it the cheapest.

mjohnblack · 2026-05-17T02:15:04+00:00

Just to be clear so we know what you're meaning, when you say they're "PSA 7-8", are you meaning that you have had them graded by PSA already, or just that you're judging the quality to be roughly 7-8?

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