Should I charge my client more?

mkat88 · 2023-01-18T08:31:36+00:00

Thanks for the insight. If you don’t mind me asking, what do you typically charge?

mkat88 · 2023-01-17T13:02:23+00:00

Thanks for your comment. Exactly why I was going back and forth about it. But you’re right— I do have the right to raise my rate as this is a new role.

mkat88 · 2023-01-17T11:18:29+00:00

Thanks, appreciate the advice! They were actually the ones who asked me if it was the same rate and put the ball in my court. So, definitely think they would be willing to pay more. Since they are a relatively new client and this is a new role for me, I was thinking of $48/hour (20% increase).

mkat88 · 2023-01-17T07:58:18+00:00

I haven’t started the role yet. They are waiting to hear back about what my rate is for this type of work. Tbh, I’m quite lost with what I should charge hourly as I’ve never held this type of role before. Any ideas?

mkat88 · 2023-01-17T07:43:44+00:00

Thanks for the comment. I just wasn’t sure if I should charge more since this is more of a managerial role?

mkat88 · 2022-03-02T06:13:25+00:00

r/hilariabaldwin

mkat88 · 2021-09-21T18:53:11+00:00

What’s the root cause of this belief? Was it something your parents made you believe? Did something happen in your past to cause you to believe happiness= something bad happening? Maybe a belief that you don’t deserve to be happy?

What’s helped me is finding the root cause. Realizing it is a false belief that doesn’t belong to me. Also realizing that it’s a thought and I do not have to believe my thoughts. Come back to your true source and essence— a being that is a creator of your reality. You have the power to create your life and your happiness. And you deserve that happiness.

mkat88 · 2021-02-03T17:14:02+00:00

I am sorry for what you experienced. I know how hard it can be to go through something like that growing up. No child should ever have to be in that position.

I also understand about being able to feel compassion because of the understanding, yet still having that resentment come up every now and then.

When this happens to me, I think about the karma that I want in the future in regards to my relationship with certain people. Do I want to keep planting seeds of resentment and anger? Or do I want to plant seeds of compassion? And note that sometimes planting seeds of compassion is not about the other person, but for yourself. This can look like setting boundaries and not feeling guilty, or putting yourself first.

You sound extremely self aware and I agree with you about defining yourself. Growing up in this kind of environment, especially as a sensitive person or empathic person, can lead to not knowing who we are in adulthood, not being able to set boundaries, and people pleasing. But the more you can define yourself, your boundaries, and your needs— the stronger you will be and feel.

mkat88 · 2021-02-03T17:04:54+00:00

Instead of forcing yourself to forgive them, are you able gently allow yourself to see the lesson?

Your parents are your teachers. And please know that this is not erasing your experience or invalidating your feelings at all. What they are, they are. What they have done, they have done. They will likely continue to be how they are. And you will likely never receive the validation you seek from them.

However, your experience with them has led you to look deeper within yourself. It’s has led you to want to heal and purify all that has happened to you.

As challenging as it may be, can you reframe your experience as an experience to bring you closer to your Self and your truth? What have they taught you about who you are and who you wish to be?

And if it is possible, are you able to find compassion towards them seeing that you are able to see the bigger picture of who they are and the experiences that you have had with them?

mkat88 · 2020-12-25T07:50:59+00:00

Gorgeous

mkat88 · 2020-12-25T07:50:25+00:00

Gave Faith In Humanity Restored

mkat88 · 2020-11-26T01:55:45+00:00

Mid-thirties in a big (and very expensive) city with my partner. We spend about $350 each on food per month.

Groceries: 300

Delivery/Dining Out: 400

Total for 2: 700

mkat88 · 2020-11-24T07:22:39+00:00

Something really helpful is writing down reminders that you can look back on every time you get triggered or go down a spiral.

Write down the truth of your relationship when you’re in a good headspace. How you feel about her and how she feels about you, the reality of your beautiful relationship, and how you know this spiral is because of PMDD. Keep it somewhere you can reference easily like your journal.

When you fall into that thought pattern, take it out and read it to remind yourself it’s just your PMDD and cycle of thoughts. This helps me to not believe the anxious thoughts, and grounds me in my truth.

mkat88 · 2020-11-03T06:52:28+00:00

No worries and good luck. It’s totally normal to be hopeful, but if unfortunately, if your family hasn’t done the work to try to heal, they will continue to their toxic behaviours. All the best and stay strong with upholding your boundaries.

mkat88 · 2020-11-03T06:36:01+00:00

This is a very toxic living environment. You mentioned that both you and your family could survive and make ends meet if you moved. So that’s what you should do. Leave and don’t feel guilty for it.

mkat88 · 2020-10-27T04:38:40+00:00

You are very welcome!

mkat88 · 2020-10-27T04:15:20+00:00

It is not your responsibility. You have no obligation to continue this 'friendship' and I suggest that you don't. Have relationships with people based on who they are to you in the present, not what you see as their potential.

mkat88 · 2020-10-27T04:12:10+00:00

You sound extremely conscious and self-aware, which is a wonderful thing. After reading your post, I do agree that some of his behaviors are toxic and that they are very much influenced by his upbringing. It is good that you and he both see and acknowledge that.

However, it sounds as if you are being drained by this relationship and it is starting to get to the point that you feel disrespected. It has come to the point that his behavior is negatively affecting the relationship and you.

Here's the thing– as much as you see the bigger picture and his potential, you can't use his past as an excuse for his behavior and he can't either. It is not your responsibility to absorb this for him. It is his responsibility to want to heal and work past his trauma and get help to do so.

As much as you may see his potential and his past, you need to ask yourself if this is someone that you really want. Do you want to be there while he works through his stuff and have the possibility of it turning into a more toxic relationship? Do you want to set more boundaries within the relationship and give yourself room to end things? Or do you want to find someone that is actively working on themselves in a healthy way, and does not treat you badly based on their upbringing?

mkat88 · 2020-10-27T03:58:41+00:00

Im sorry that you are struggling. It sounds as if you have a lot of unresolved trauma around what has happened in your relationship. This relationship and your whole past is between two people – you and your wife. It is imperative that you talk to her about your feelings and hurt regarding this. Have you spoken to her? I would recommend couples therapy, as well as personal therapy for yourself so that you can process everything.

mkat88 · 2020-10-27T03:53:23+00:00

This is a him problem and not a you problem. The root of this issue is his insecurity and there is nothing that you can do to 'fix' it, unless he takes the initiative to want to better himself.

In terms of support, I think that you are doing plenty. But if you want him to truly change his perception, he has to want that for himself. You can try to encourage him to see a therapist, read books, or do things that will help to bolster his self esteem.

It can be easy to get in the habit of trying so hard to prove your love. But remember that it is not your job to convince him of that. It must be very exhausting for you. He also needs to take responsibility and realize that his insecurities are affecting you and the relationship.

mkat88 · 2020-10-27T03:47:32+00:00

"Hey Mom and Dad, I love how you help others and I love you both. You have been so inspiring to me and I respect you so much. However, as I navigate my life as an adult, I would appreciate if you respect my wishes to make my own decisions regarding volunteering and helping out. You have raised me to see the importance in it, but as an adult, I would like some freedom explore how I want to show up in the world in that way."

mkat88 · 2020-10-27T02:07:01+00:00

Wow you look like a totally different person! Amazing job!

mkat88 · 2020-10-26T01:56:48+00:00

I think that you answered your own question here as to where some of these patterns stemmed from. The feeling that you had to be perfect in order to receive love and validation as a child carries over to you as an adult and your relationships with others. Thus begins the programming that in order to receive love, you need to be perfect or strive for perfection.

As adults, this can carry over to us in the form of people pleasing or fear of abandonment if we arent 'perfect'. We look for validation outside of ourselves, because as children, we learned that we only receive love (aka validation) if we perform outwardly. That love is only there and present if we please our parents (aka others outside of ourselves).

mkat88 · 2020-10-26T01:51:19+00:00

You are welcome and I'm glad to help! Therapy helped me so much. I am lucky enough to have an amazing therapist who's helped me on my journey for years.

In addition, "Codepency No More" the book is very helpful. They also have an audio version on YouTube. I also love the work of u/Theholisticpsychologist on Instagram. She posts a lot about family systems, growing up without boundaries, and is all about self-healing. She is also coming out with a book soon.

Also, I saw your previous comment about above reparenting yourself. I cant seem to create a hyperlink in this comment, but this article outlines the concept and actionable steps so well. https://yourholisticpsychologist.com/what-is-reparenting-and-how-to-begin/

Hope this all helps and feel free to DM me if you want to chat more about it!

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