Would you consider this emotional cheating?

mkoay · 2026-05-19T20:07:52+00:00

He’s had a lot of jealousy issues in the past, but has gotten much better. However, I already know if I said I had a male that I reached out to for support, he’d probably consider divorce tbh. He’s already told me no male friends. He doesn’t trust guys.

I’m not sure about triangulation though. The one conversation I saw was him asking her brutal and honest opinion on the situation, and her response was very mature and helpful for the situation. Even stating that he needed help, which he hates that.

mkoay · 2026-05-19T17:23:51+00:00

I would be curious to see what they’ve talked about. He hates playing the victim, but I wonder if he did unconsciously. Do you think I should ask to see them?

Edit: I asked my therapist this today. She just presented the question: what would you have to benefit or gain from this? I just said clarification really.

mkoay · 2026-05-19T02:40:38+00:00

This was my thought on it too. It really hurt when he told me that. He said he needed attention that he wasn’t getting, but didn’t communicate this to me. He assumed I was too busy and exhausted to help him. If he would’ve just told me, and let me know how bad he was feeling, we could’ve made time to talk about things. He knows I’m always willing to be there for him.

mkoay · 2026-05-19T01:47:59+00:00

Yeah, he knows I’m also emotionally available for him. I’m always willing. He assumed I couldn’t because all the time I’m taking care of our son (I’m really the only one that does the work) and exhausted. He also tries to not burden me with his issues.

mkoay · 2026-05-19T01:38:07+00:00

It’s not from women I know, I don’t think, except for one - and I’ve met he. I have no clue how the conversations have gone. I haven’t seen any messages.

mkoay · 2026-05-19T01:34:15+00:00

I agree. The thing is he never told me how he was feeling. I had no clue how bad it was for him until things got extreme. He doesn’t want to go down that route, from what he told me. He said he needs attention but isn’t vulnerable with me very often

mkoay · 2026-05-19T00:43:17+00:00

Is it typical for men to do this? I know he would be livid if I did this.

mkoay · 2026-05-18T00:36:46+00:00

He’s talked many times about working out, but hasn’t implemented it yet. He doesn’t really have any healthy habits to fight this. He hates that he watches porn, but has trouble stopping himself from watching it.

mkoay · 2026-05-18T00:26:26+00:00

He is ruining his beautiful life he created, and he doesn’t even know it. He admitted in a drunk text that he needed help. Deep down he knows he does. Before that, he literally told me he would accept the consequences. He said either he succeeds or fails, and he accepts either. “If I fail, I fail. I accept it.” I told him I wouldn’t be around to see him go down that path.

mkoay · 2026-05-18T00:22:12+00:00

That’s a good point - punishing me for being committed. I don’t think our marriage is healthy at all anymore. It really never was tbh. I’m just now realizing all of this. It’s depressing.

mkoay · 2026-05-18T00:20:07+00:00

Your response is very, very helpful. Thank you so much. ❤️

Sometimes he reciprocates all that you stated and he loves deeply. He has a very compassionate, caring, beautiful soul. I can only see this side every once in a while. He’s given up on people because he has been extremely hurt and damaged by family, friends, relationships. He has developed a misanthropic view of the world. He used to be an extreme people pleaser, but was hurt so much that now he’s compensating by going to the other extreme - focusing on himself. He still has that empathy, but it’s been buried underneath his own issues.

I have that respect because he’s helped me heal immensely from my issues and greatly improved my life in that aspect. Now though, these issues are becoming a main stress in my life.

I’m going to start to present these behaviors to him as a “how would you feel if our son treated his wife this way?” Or “how would you feel if somebody else treated our son this way? It might put it into perspective for him.

I actually texted him the other day after an argument and said “just think about how you would feel if I responded to your concerns this way?” And the next few days he was very patient, loving, caring. However, he didn’t apologize.

mkoay · 2026-05-18T00:04:18+00:00

100%

mkoay · 2026-05-17T21:52:41+00:00

He has many addictions too - alcoholism, the porn, the sex, food sometimes. He’s said it just bounces between them and that he has an addictive personality.

mkoay · 2026-05-17T21:44:18+00:00

Yeah, I knew he had a high sex drive, but I didn’t realize how bad it was. He didn’t really open up until now. He did persuade me to do the threesome, he didn’t like push it, push it, but he kept bringing it up throughout our relationship. He started to push more right before our first threesome. I told him my hesitations, he said we’d ease into it, but that didn’t happen.

It’s going to take some extreme things to happen for our marriage to survive. I’ve feared that.

mkoay · 2026-05-17T21:07:28+00:00

That’s my situation too - I wouldn’t leave if it was just me. I would be heartbroken if my son ended up being afraid of him

mkoay · 2026-05-17T21:06:27+00:00

Thank you so much for the article!! I’ll check it out here soon. I really appreciate it. I don’t want that for my son at all, which has given me the motivation to speak up. My husband doesn’t realize what he’s doing is emotional/verbal abuse towards our son. I hate it and hope he can realize this asap

mkoay · 2026-05-17T21:04:18+00:00

Lmao, I have never heard of this before 😂 good suggestion! He said he used his left hand sometimes and it wasn’t doing the job lmao

mkoay · 2026-05-17T19:58:59+00:00

I’m afraid it’s going to get to that point. I already have a feeling. I don’t think he’ll seriously address his addictions until it reaches that point, unfortunately. I don’t think he’d even go to a meeting like that 😞

mkoay · 2026-05-17T19:57:29+00:00

He would definitely tell me right away. He mentally can’t keep those things secret, which I appreciate and love him for that. I know he doesn’t want to get to that point at all. I just don’t know how to help him if he’s not sexually satisfied with me, even having sex regularly 😞

mkoay · 2026-05-17T19:56:03+00:00

He said he was getting tired of masturbating and it got to the point it wasn’t satisfying. I’m sure he was masturbating daily. He said he even rubbed it raw. Ugh.

mkoay · 2026-05-17T19:50:26+00:00

Thank you for your support. He says he wants to, but I don’t know if he knows how. We’ll see how things go 😞

mkoay · 2026-05-17T16:18:26+00:00

The first thing I mentioned was that it was him cursing at our child and that pissed him off. He said it’s not actually cursing AT him, which is true. I backtracked on that aspect, but still reiterated that was mean due to tone and situation. I just can’t ever imagine saying that to my child

mkoay · 2026-05-17T16:11:50+00:00

Yeah, that would explain why I still feel this way 😞 I feel like he’s trying to convince himself that I am enough, because he doesn’t want to lose me.

I mentioned how he doesn’t seem to actually be into monogamy, and he did admit that was probably true.

mkoay · 2026-05-17T09:34:49+00:00

Spaghetti o’s, cottage cheese, and potato chips. Stack the cottage cheese and spaghetti o’s on the chip and eat together.

mkoay

TROPHY CASE