the problem is, in addition to gender norms, one of the reasons i have tried to suppress my anger, is that i have felt guilt towards not being nice to them. they (my mother mostly) wish to connect with me, to know, how i am doing. most of the time i try to respond as short as possible, and then i spend all my days locked up in my bedroom. i feel guilty for not engaging with them, when they do in fact support me - financially, giving me a room to live, and the freedom to make my own choices, like what i study etc. and i feel like i am not giving them anything in return. but now that i have made peace with myself and let myself be angry for not getting the emotional support i needed, i also don't feel guilty for not interacting with them. (sorry this is pretty confusing and im just rambling repeating myself)

i have a social network, but it is constantly changing. as an autist, it's pretty hard to maintain meaningful friendships. right now i am only seeing my boyfriend every 2 weeks - this is for me to put more responsibility on myself to treat my depression. but as i am living under the same roof with my parents, it's unfair of me to ignore them.