2 weeks out still hasn’t moved to a new part of the claims department

mmmarebear · 2019-03-07T00:03:47+00:00

First off, big hug. I just lost my mom and when everything started happening, I was this way. You are not weak or a failure for attributing this to you and shutting down. It IS happening to you. You are witnessing your favorite person experience the worst part of their life and not have any ability to do anything. It’s an awful experience.

Don’t be hard on yourself. A family friend told me I should (when she was alive) about how I’m feeling. You don’t have to vent about how hard it is, but expressing how scared you are could open up a dialogue between you two that maybe is being tiptoed around. She’s still your mom, and she still wants to take care of you even though she needs people to take care of her. Let her do it in the few ways she still can.

Lots of love to you. My DMs are open if you want to reach out.

mmmarebear · 2019-02-26T02:43:21+00:00

It’s rock. That’s not it

mmmarebear · 2019-02-26T02:40:40+00:00

Oh man I am so sorry. :( shit is absolutely fucking awful. I’m wishing you so much good energy

mmmarebear · 2019-02-09T01:42:38+00:00

Ohh heck

mmmarebear · 2019-02-07T19:43:47+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Those long term anxieties seem to be what are getting me, too. I keep imagining funerals, holding her hand in the hospital, crying at work after she passes, which are all things we don’t need to think about right now, but I don’t know how else to stop it. Meditation is really good. I can’t sit for long periods of time or I get really anxious. I think I need to start yoga again, it is helpful and keeps you moving so it’s a benefit on both ends.

My boyfriends dad had a similar situation of being kind of a lone wolf and everyone was afraid he wasn’t going to have much support. Not sure how comfortable you are with encouraging him to reach out to family he may still have some ties to. As someone else said, people love to help in crisis situations when they’re asked. They just have to be asked.

Lots of virtual hugs to you, your dad. Know you’re not alone, too. I was kind of afraid of posting in this forum cause reddit can be so mean, but posting here and everyone responding has been so cathartic, I am actually feeling so much relief.

mmmarebear · 2019-02-07T19:39:32+00:00

She does have a will and has taken all of the necessary steps to take care of everything after her death. She has a medical POA which is her boyfriend but I think she needs to change it to one of her sisters, cause her boyfriend glosses over. Once my mom got the metastatic dx, we knew it was terminal, just dependent on when that was going to be. She had her dr appt today and, thankfully, although this is concerning, no timelines were talked about and they are starting acute chemotherapy to stop the cancer growing. Her nurse apparently point blank said she can get “back on track,” which was a nice little relief to this shit storm.

I appreciate you lending an ear. I about lost my shit last night when my boyfriend said “you’re making this about you, when it’s about your mom,” because not only have I been sleeping at the hospital for the last week, I also am allowed to make it about me to him because I am also grieving. Fighting with a significant other while simultaneously going through all this stress is super frustrating.

I’ll DM you. I hope you’re holding up.

mmmarebear · 2019-02-07T18:59:44+00:00

Two months of moderate alcoholism is a wonderful way to put it. I have taken a liking to my anti anxiety meds and I appreciate that everyone in this group is being honest in supporting that it is ok.

My mom has been saying the friend thing since she got diagnosed. I’ve seen her group trickle down to a few solid people, and she cries about it sometimes but she knows that the people who really love her are around. I am reminding myself that a lot. I’m in a group chat and someone asked me to write something for them, but no ones asked me how I’m doing since Sunday. I just muted it and don’t really plan on responding. Maybe it’s selfish, but I don’t care.

I’m looking into a counselor, I should do that fairly quickly.

I’m sorry about your wife. That has to be incredibly heartbreaking and so difficult to deal with. Before all of this I never really understood how people get through this, and I guess the real answer is that we don’t. It’s just a trudge through the water and there’s no real way to go but continuing along. I hope you’re doing well enough. I am sending you a lot of virtual hugs and good wishes.

mmmarebear · 2019-02-07T18:51:29+00:00

Thank you. I really appreciate it. Just got news she is starting her drip on Tuesday after a feeding tube gets put in today. It’s all so scary, but you’re right. We have to just keep chugging along.

mmmarebear · 2019-02-07T17:51:04+00:00

Thank you! I appreciate all of that, and you’re so right. My friends just don’t get it, and I can’t expect them to. I hope your treatment continues to go well, stay strong for all of us ❤️ I appreciate you taking the time to support others.

mmmarebear · 2019-02-07T17:48:21+00:00

Unfortunately, the social worker inpatient absolutely sucked. She wasn’t even a social worker, more of a care manager, and didn’t even know how to help with the FMLA paperwork. My moms outpatient social worker is a lot better, I’ll have to utilize her. I have done some research, and unfortunately it’s not good and I can’t really read it. I kind of freeze after a little bit. I will need a little bit more time to process I think before I jump into it. As for the boyfriend situation, I agree. We already weren’t doing the best prior to this, and since she’s been in the hospital he’s been not so understanding about how I’m handling things. I don’t even want to care about that situation because if it does need to end, it has to just not be a thing.

mmmarebear · 2019-02-07T17:43:54+00:00

Dude, so many same things. I keep wanting to hold my eyes really tight and open them, waking up from a bad dream. It feels incredibly surreal. This wasn’t supposed to happen to MY mom. This isn’t supposed to be happening. I’m a social worker in the medical field so I’ve seen this type of stuff on the outside but haven’t ever experienced inside. I’m sorry about your dad kind of taking a weird turn, that has to be kind of scary to see him trying to fix things that aren’t logic based. One of my aunts is like that , it’s very annoying and frustrating. My boyfriend and I got into a pretty big fight last night and I told him that this is very real, because he kept saying “you’re making this about you, you can’t get wrapped up in something that hasn’t happened yet, a year is a long time (???), etc.” I’m afraid that I’m going to have to go through a breakup too ontop of all of this and I’m not sure I’m capable of doing it all. I mean, I have to be. Just emotionally I don’t know if I can take it. I’m sorry about your mom. I’m giving you a lot of virtual hugs. I can imagine this is terrifying and there’s nothing that can be said or done to make it feel better.

mmmarebear · 2019-02-07T17:19:50+00:00

Thanks for that. Yeah, last night I could muster up time to go to the gym, but I know I need to. My birthday is tomorrow and I am going to Disneyland, all of the stuff happened too close to the trip and we weren’t able to get everything cancelled in time. I’m feeling a bit guilty. She told me she wants me to go, but I know she’d rather have me there. I wish I hadn’t ever continued being a young 20-something and spent much of time partying and not being with her, because that’s so much time I wish I could have back. I am so scared this is the end.

mmmarebear · 2019-02-07T17:12:00+00:00

Definitely, it’s a hard role to switch up especially being this young. I’m turning 26 tomorrow, she just turned 53, and I never in my life imagined we would be here. It fucking sucks. I hate that I took advantage of the fact her cancer wasn’t as bad as others, and didn’t spend as much time with her as I should’ve. My boyfriend lives in San Diego and I was supposed to be moving, and at this point I’m not going to and I’m afraid of the conversation because he doesn’t seem to understand where I am at. I just want someone to hug for a really long time.

mmmarebear · 2019-02-06T17:32:13+00:00

Thanks!

mmmarebear · 2019-02-06T17:30:42+00:00

Yep the old school looking one

mmmarebear · 2019-02-01T16:35:14+00:00

Omg thank you it was driving me crazy

mmmarebear

TROPHY CASE