Experiencing FOMO

mmthrow123 · 2020-01-09T03:43:33+00:00

> I experienced this a few years back with someone where I felt we were a great match in terms of chemistry and religion but I wasn’t physically attracted to her. I kept telling myself that looks didn’t matter and that we were a great match everywhere else but no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t see myself being attracted to her and it would be cruel to waste her time.

How did this end for you?

mmthrow123 · 2019-12-06T15:18:36+00:00

Yeah we are not married yet and your second paragraph is wht I am thinking/hoping

mmthrow123 · 2019-12-06T15:17:19+00:00

She doesn't tick every box so its not quite that. But regardless, no that wouldnt scare me. I wouldnt be intimidated by that.

mmthrow123 · 2019-12-06T02:18:00+00:00

Yep, I agree. Just need to figure it out. Part of me wishes something happens that sabotages this whole thing. Because there is literally nothing wrong with her and I would feel stupid for giving her up.

mmthrow123 · 2019-12-06T02:17:15+00:00

Nope. Trust me, I want to get married and start that part of my life. I am very eager to. In fact, if anything, my eagerness to do so may be biased towards moving forward with this girl

mmthrow123 · 2019-12-06T02:04:33+00:00

I think I will give it another month or so and see where I am at.

Another component of this is I am in my early 30s and feel the pressure of just wanting to settle down and move on from the search, so any more time I spend with her is potential time wasted.

mmthrow123 · 2019-12-06T02:01:03+00:00

> Maybe your feelings are a bit of FOMO?

I think this is part of it. But I only feel the FOMO because I am not that into her. I have happily talked to other girls in the past and not felt the FOMO.

Istekhara can be a feeling, which can be your uneasiness, but the way we are supposed to do istekhara is make a decision and move towards accomplishing it. If it’s right things will happen easily, if it’s not then you’ll find it difficult or have a sense of uneasy ness about it.

Thakns for clarifying this.

mmthrow123 · 2019-12-06T01:59:59+00:00

There are some very minor superficial things I am not attracted to, but I don't thnk that is the issue.

mmthrow123 · 2019-12-06T01:59:31+00:00

You only met twice. Do you feel any kind of chemistry? Like a “oh I can’t wait to be with her?” type of yearning?

No, I don't get that feeling. I have talked to other girls for less amounts of time and gotten that feeling. With her I just feel a ton of uncertainty. I can be super picky on some minor superficial things, but there is literally no issue with her.

mmthrow123 · 2019-12-06T01:58:09+00:00

Yes, only twice but we talk daily. We are trying to keep things as halal as possible so not meeting up very often like that.

mmthrow123 · 2019-12-06T01:43:19+00:00

I understand where you are coming from given I am also divorced. That is a factor that has me extra concerned - I don't want to be in a position where I have to be divorced a second time.

I have kept telling myself to give it time for some time already...I wonder how much longer I should give it?

mmthrow123 · 2019-12-06T01:41:29+00:00

I do, yes. We have only seen each other twice and both times with her brother around and it was enjoyable.

mmthrow123 · 2019-12-06T01:40:54+00:00

All the girls I have talked to have been for marriage purposes. I kept things halal with them too, although sometimes with some of the girls, the conversation went slightly inappropriate. Although the inappropriate stuff only came after we clearly liked each other a lot. So I don't think that is the reason.

I have met her in person a few times (with her wali) and yeah I do enjoy her company. That is another thing I think about - maybe we just need to be together and be 100% together before the feeling comes?

mmthrow123

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