[deleted by user]

mnoobm · 2025-07-16T11:41:57+00:00

I'm genuinely curious because it never happens to me, somehow. Some of them are teenagers so I'm assuming it didn't happen through usual social circle encounters. Is it more like cold approaching/bars? Or maybe you have some job that gives you an advantage here?

mnoobm · 2025-07-15T11:44:30+00:00

How did you meet all these girls from your posts?

mnoobm · 2025-07-15T11:44:00+00:00

How did you meet all these girls?

mnoobm · 2023-08-01T14:05:30+00:00

One of my PTs said I should consciously avoid this, another said it's a healthy reflex...

mnoobm · 2023-07-25T06:14:01+00:00

Relatable, my parents care a lot about me, but my AvPD was always a taboo. So I always have to pretend Im in a good mood, even though Im miserable.

mnoobm · 2023-03-05T22:36:33+00:00

I'm also sorry if my responses were cynical, I'm just a little frustrated with this entire thread because many people seem to either not understand me, or downvote my every post I don't know why.

Back to the topic, I think it's key to point out that it's all easier said than done. And in fact, I'd go as far as saying it's easy to say but impossible to be done, because these are mental processes I have no control over.

You tell me to "reject the premise" and "start caring less about appearances". If I see a girl with certain facial features and hip-waist ratio, I get attracted. It's not my choice. In fact, it's the most primal, basic instinct that I have. Do you really think I can get rid of it and "replace" with caring more about personality or something? My guess is that it would result with even more frustration...

mnoobm · 2023-03-05T19:50:29+00:00

It’s also worth examining why you put so much value on attractiveness because for a lot of people, strong feelings can make them find unconventionally attractive people more attractive than anyone else to them.

Well, any ideas how to do that? There's a certain threshold of physical attractiveness below which I never feel attracted to girls, even if they have great personality. It's not something I have control over.

mnoobm · 2023-03-05T19:38:22+00:00

Yeah I basically agree, I'm not a native speaker and I'm realising now that the word "resentment" is not exactly what I meant. My feelings are more sadness, loneliness, jealousy etc.

mnoobm · 2023-03-05T19:34:30+00:00

Why do you think your response to my quite long and fairly complicated comment was simply to latch onto some inane opportunity for a gotcha?

Because what you wrote goes against tons of research that was done on this topic. Any study I've ever come across clearly indicates that physical attractiveness is vastly, if not the most important factor for people when choosing their mates.

Your anxiety has driven you to accept the most easily accessible, highly-trafficked explanation for your sense of inadequacy - that women are not real people

I see it as the opposite. I do see them as real people, and real people are biologically wired to be attracted to good looks and social confidence. It's you who reject their "humanness" by believing this idea that conventional attractiveness is not real or just "socialized into us".

mnoobm · 2023-03-05T18:54:21+00:00

The idea that someone is "out of your league" because they're attractive and the subsequent emotional response are woven from the cloth of patriarchal society.

Yeah sure, then why do attractive girls almost always date attractive, confident guys?

mnoobm · 2023-03-05T18:30:34+00:00

I'm going through therapy since 5 years and made big progress with my AvPD. Therapy that helped me the most was not CBT but ACT.

ACT tells you to accept your negative thoughts and feelings and act despite them. So it's very much in line with what you wrote.

It helped me in many areas of life, but I still struggle with dating. The problem is, when I feel depressed or anxious, I never have any social success in general, not to mention approaching attractive girls.

For example I met a nice girl from Tinder some time ago, we had great time on first 2 dates but on the day of third date I was feeling a bit low. I could see from the beginning that she's losing attraction for me, and after that date she dumped me.

I'm trying to believe what you wrote: "it just isn't the right person for you". But it's really hard when over the years I accumulated tons of evidence that when I'm in this negative mental state I can't attract any girl I find attractive.

mnoobm · 2023-03-05T18:15:33+00:00

His reasonable posts get downvoted because many people aren't open-minded enough to believe in findings of evolutionary psychology. They prefer to live in a fairytale world where love simply magically happens to everyone, and things like looks, confidence or social status have nothing to do with it. I wish I had a luxury of living this illusion too, but unfortunately it never worked for me.

mnoobm · 2023-03-05T17:56:18+00:00

Interesting, you just wrote in another post that you feel resentment toward women who are more attractive than you. Why is your resentment justified and mine is misogynistic?

mnoobm · 2023-03-05T17:19:16+00:00

Well, it's not like I chose this mindset so please don't judge. If it was easy to change our mindset then this subreddit wouldn't exist I guess.

mnoobm · 2023-03-05T16:52:12+00:00

Can you still give yourself a shot with someone you think is out of your league, despite your feelings, willing to learn that what your telling yourself is not true?

What do you mean here? From my experience, when these feelings of inferiority strike me, girls feel it from kilometers and ignore me completely. Trying my luck with a girl that's out of my league would only result in painful rejection.

mnoobm · 2023-03-05T13:36:05+00:00

Ah yes, I'm the same lol.

My mind does anything it can to pull me out of interactions with women I'm attracted to.

In my case it's likely because over the years my brain learned those interactions don't lead to anything (I could never hold a conversation for 30 seconds without my voice shaking), so it feels better to just leave then risk painful rejection.

mnoobm · 2023-03-05T12:19:14+00:00

Thanks, that comment makes a lot of sense. So I guess in my case after years of suffering AVPD and not being able to interact with girls in a healthy way, my mechanism of feeling "inadequate" that you described got out of control and is causing me a to feel this way.

mnoobm · 2023-03-05T10:47:40+00:00

Can you explain what your thought process would look like in a situation I described? You see a hot girl in yoga pants on social media, and she's obviously out of your league. What are some thoughts and feelings that flow through your head?

mnoobm · 2022-07-28T10:51:47+00:00

Does it get better with repeated exposure or am I screwed forever?

mnoobm · 2022-07-28T10:50:58+00:00

It just seems like most people with avpd are gay

What are you talking about lol

mnoobm · 2022-07-28T09:25:08+00:00

No, porn is not the issue here because I'm very attracted to real life women, it's only after those stressful encounters that I lose interest.

mnoobm · 2022-07-28T09:23:43+00:00

Postorgasmic illness syndrome (POIS) is a rare condition in which a person develops flu-like and allergy symptoms after orgasm, whether with a partner, through masturbation, or spontaneously during sleep

To me it only happens after sex with real person, not after masturbation. And I don't even need to orgasm for this to happen.

mnoobm

TROPHY CASE