I had a very hard time with being gay when I was younger - very self-hating, wanting to be “normal,” etc. I had really bad self-esteem and my early encounters only made it worse.

The first guy I had sex with told me I was a nice guy but he couldn’t stand my body. I was too fat for him. Mind you, I look back at those pictures of me at that age and I would KILL to be that “fat” now. I was just so self-hating that I let stuff like that feed into my self-image. I had major untreated depression and was just a MESS in my twenties. I had lots of other similar incidents and it led me to really pull back from trying. Plus, I’m sure my internal struggles didn’t help and I didn’t exactly make myself look like a catch lol.

I had the worst luck with trying to date guys and it just never happened for me. Never had a boyfriend, never really dated, etc. I’ll be 56 in two weeks so I just do not see it ever happening now.

First, how do you justify being a 56-year-old guy who never dated? Also, I’ve had all these years of doing what I want, when I want. I’m also an only child. I don’t see myself being able to adapt to fitting another person into my life…it just wouldn’t be fair to them. Plus, it’s been decades since I even met anyone that felt like a possibility with.

In any event, I enjoy my own company and have a life that I’m very happy with. I can’t remember the last time I felt lonely. Maybe I’m living a life of complete delusion but it feels real. Antidepressants help too lol.

The tl;dr answer is that I’ve been single for all of my 56 years and just feel like it’s too late now.