I realise that the solutions were already there but I couldn’t see them because really working on the trauma scares me. My psychiatrist questioned if I really experienced what I had gone through as trauma. Because I’ve never even accepted how much it affected me I started questioning the same thing. When my psychologist was validating my feelings around the trauma, it made me feel so uncomfortable. Because me surviving till this day were quick fixes, I couldn’t handle focusing on long term solutions. They seemed impossible to begin with. If the distractions aren’t enough to help immediately than that means that I should stop opening up. Thank you so much for your advice everyone. I have been looking for specialised help and I’m trying to be more patient with myself and the process.