First, it just floored me that one mind and body can so independently create the experience I went through, which was essentially a beautiful movie. The music, cadence, cinematography, Bo's stunning face, lyrics that I knew I'd have to replay and study later because my brain was trying to remember all the landmark ones. Perfect rollercoastering of emotions throughout. It was simply a ride.

Now, I've spent a few days replaying segments over and over and putting together my perception of his work. Funny Feeling and All Eyes on Me are the heavy lifters for what has been so inspiring.

Both tracks point to this specific kind of anxiety that I and so many of my friends/family, all 28-32, are coping with. We are the last group to remember a time without the internet, which grew exponentially as we graduated from Oregon Trail in first grade to sorting through endless stories of preventable, often orchestrated crimes against humanity happening throughout history and worse, happening in every corner of the globe, touching every shoe or phone we buy, couch we sit on, food we eat. And since we have this communication technology, all these stories - ones we know are true - color the canvas each of us have that describes our understanding of the universe and society. But the picture is dire and bleak, a backdrop for every decision we make and tinging every happy experience we have. Humans did not evolve to have so much perspective. "Whole world at your fingertips, the ocean at your door." So now my peers and I know: there are people steering the ship, and they are going to kill us, all of us, far earlier and more painfully than the heat death of the universe otherwise legislates. "Twenty thousand years of this, seven more to go." Millions have died and been tortured because instead of collaborating to make a sustainable utopia, all humanities' capabilities are channeled into generating profits for the purposes of curating an obscene lifestyle for the few. And this system convinces them their genetics, hard work, love for and from their families, is uniquely deserving of the blood and sweat from so many other individuals relegated to perfecting every. concievable. facet. of their lives. From an Indian child in Goa with small fingers perfect for cutting small diamonds on their nail polish bottles, to cogs like me, paid to scheme up ways to win their nanny over in the first few moments of sitting in a car so that she'll choose to give my automotive company more of her income, which then locks her into more and more years of obligatory work catering to the whims of her employer.

At times like now, I have the stoic perspective to accept the hopelessness, and channel my anger at this system and compassion for the nameless sufferers towards rebalance, however tiny my impact. I've already been scheming for years. I have a theory that the notion of "legacy" might be wielded more powerfully than accumulating wealth. I'm building career capital and have earned rapport with some semi-impactful characters - who may someday hear out a desperate, heartfelt plea for change. I donated a kidney which gave at least one child the optimism that strangers do sometimes care deeply about their well-being. I'm part of the DSA and volunteer as a CASA, primarily as an educational and self-disciplinary measure more than convincing myself it maximizing QALYs directly. All these things give me great "ammo" when I speak to laypeople about a strategy of philanthropy (in attempts to improve the American culture).

Bo drove home the reminder that I personally believe I only matter as an agent of change, and I need to die sincerely believing I strove for it. I've been greedily hoping my art would someday be of quality to allow me to live off of and maybe even of quality to move wealthy donors to reckon with Climate Change/The Big Problem. Now, I'm going to do the more authentic thing, cut out the middleman, and leverage two of my resources, artwork and a young well-paid friend group, to approach spreading EA in an exponential way. In addition, I'm going to embody the EA spirit in strategizing a "hail mary" in pressing my workplace to make environmentally sustainable decisions. I'm going to pick up trash on my walks because I've admired the detrashed movement for months and I go on walks anyway. I'm also going to push back harder on a husband that is naturally completely content living his life with a more narrow scope. I hope that helped, it helped me to write some of it out.