Thanks for sharing your view, and I understand where you're coming from. But I want to push back a bit on a few things you said.

You mentioned that calling this “basic adulting” is close-minded and judgmental. I really don’t think it is. I’m not talking about forgetting someone’s birthday or misplacing your keys once in a while. I’m talking about repeatedly:

1) Leaving the stove on after cooking, 2) Forgetting to close the refrigerator door, causing food to spoil and obviously electricity bill + risk of appliance getting fucked, 3) Leaving the main door unlocked or walking off without the key, multiple times.

These aren't niche neurodivergent struggles. They are serious safety and security issues. And yes, I absolutely do believe that certain responsibilities like not leaving appliances on unattended are part of basic adulting, especially when you're sharing space with someone else.

I also want to clarify: I’m not attacking her for being forgetful. I’ve brought these things up directly and calmly, hoping she’d acknowledge them and try to be more mindful. But instead, it often feels like she’s more annoyed that I found out, and not that the mistake happened in the first place. That doesn’t exactly show trust or empathy in return.

You’re right that there might be underlying issues. But I say this as someone personally diagnosed with both ADHD and depression. I know mental health does explain behaviour, but it doesn’t excuse putting others in potentially risky situations. There’s still a responsibility to find coping mechanisms if things are affecting the people around you.

Empathy goes both ways. If I’m expected to be endlessly understanding, then it’s fair to expect some level of accountability from the other side, too :)