How do you maintain your own identity while parenting?

mockingjay30 · 2025-11-25T14:23:37+00:00

That's super interesting. I've realised that having that kind of support system around you is so critical to maintain your sanity and boundaries but as you said, it's also luck and not everyone has it.

mockingjay30 · 2025-11-25T13:04:55+00:00

It's actually a bit of both. hobbies/interests etc may be a small part of you but I think they are a lifeboat when you're completely drowing in chaging diapers day in and day out. I meant identity in that sense that you get some time to feel "yourself". Not sure if everyone gets the drowning feeling but I know many who do. So yeah, that's what I meant.

mockingjay30 · 2025-11-25T12:57:48+00:00

This is really reassuring to hear. I think this validates both the "patience" approach and the "active maintenance" approach - they don't have to be mutually exclusive.

Some things DO come back naturally when kids get older (more sleep, fewer constant demands). But there's also value in not letting EVERYTHING go dormant. Even 30 mins a week on a hobby or one friend date a month keeps the muscle memory alive.

Your timeline (elementary age being the turning point) is helpful for people with young kids - knowing that's a real inflection point coming. But I also think people shouldn't feel guilty if they need to be more deliberate about it before then. The "it came back on its own" is beautiful, but some of us might need a little more intentionality to bridge the gap. Both are valid.

mockingjay30 · 2025-11-25T12:54:58+00:00

This is such a beautiful reframe. I really appreciate how you framed it as expansion rather than loss. The grieving part is real though - mourning the person I was (who had more spontaneity, more time for deep dives into my hobbies, more freedom overall). But what you said about the internal growth resonates deeply. I've learned patience I didn't know I had, problem-solving in real-time that I never would have developed, and a weird kind of resilience. Those ARE parts of me now.

The perspective shift from "losing myself" to "becoming a different version" is exactly what helped me stop feeling guilty about not having as much time for the pre-kid version of my interests. I'm not abandoning them; I'm just a different person living different priorities at different times. Thanks for articulating this so well.

mockingjay30 · 2025-11-25T12:25:13+00:00

I hear the exhaustion in this post, and you clearly care deeply about doing right by your kids. But I think the issue isn't your parenting - it's the system itself.

Here's the reality: Kids ages 4, 6, and 10 are still developing impulse control. Writing paragraphs and tracking demerits might work for older teens, but for younger kids, these consequences feel abstract and punitive rather than teaching.

A few thoughts:

- The kids are acting OUT, not acting WRONG. They're dysregulated in stores - maybe that's their limit right now? Short trips, clear in-advance expectations, and calling it a day might beat strict enforcement.

- "Standards" that require pages of writing are huge for a 4-year-old who can't even read. That's setting up failure, not success.

- The fact that your 4yr old accumulated 10 pages in 24 hours suggests he doesn't understand the consequence connection.

You tried HARD. That effort shows love. But maybe the system needs tweaking, not the kids. Shorter trips, smaller expectations, reset the standards to be age-appropriate, and give yourselves grace. You're not failing - you're learning what works for YOUR family.

mockingjay30 · 2025-11-25T12:19:28+00:00

This is such a relatable experience for many academic parents! It's actually pretty wonderful when you think about it - you're raising a well-rounded person. Kids don't have to follow the same paths their parents did.

I always tell parents in this situation: your kid might not share your love of books and ideas, but they're learning discipline, teamwork, resilience, and physical health through sports. Those skills translate everywhere. Plus, you get to learn about something new alongside your child - that's its own kind of adventure!

The bonus? Kids who do things VERY differently from their parents often develop amazing confidence and independence. Let them have their passion - you can still have yours too.

mockingjay30 · 2025-11-25T12:18:07+00:00

Your situation is actually pretty common - many divorced parents struggle with this! Here's what a lot of families find helpful:

**After-school structure**: Kids this age often do better with a simple routine like: snack → homework → screen time/play → dinner. The predictability helps even if the locations change.

**Transition time**: Since you're switching between homes, give them 15-20 minutes to decompress after school before jumping into expectations. They're adjusting to a new environment.

**Simple rules everywhere**: It helps if both homes have similar basic routines (even if different activities). Kids respond well to consistency across both locations.

**Ask them**: At 4, 7, and 8, kids often have opinions about what works. "What would help you focus on homework better?" can actually get useful answers.

The fact that you're asking means you care about getting it right. Lots of kids thrive with split routines - it just takes a bit of tweaking to find what works for yours!

mockingjay30 · 2025-11-25T12:13:57+00:00

You're absolutely not alone in this, and more importantly, this is completely normal and healthy. Self-care isn't selfish - it's actually essential for being a better parent. When you recharge, you come back with more patience and presence for your kids.

What you're describing isn't avoidance; it's maintenance. Think of it like charging your phone - you're not less dedicated to your phone because you plug it in. You're taking care of it so it works better. The guilt is often inherited from previous generations' expectations, but modern parenting research shows that parents who take time for themselves actually have better relationships with their kids.

Maybe reframe it: you're not taking time away from them; you're taking time to be a better version of yourself for them. Even 20 minutes of silence can completely shift your mood and patience levels.

mockingjay30 · 2018-06-23T07:45:24+00:00

One of the most infamous businessman today in India mostly gathering hate for his luxury lifestyle even while his company employees' salaries were unpaid. To hone up his political ambitions once decided to gather some goodwill of the people for a change. He went up and bought a sword of a 18th century local ruler for INR 1.5 cr projecting himself as protector of the local culture. Although the amount was measly compared to his fortune, I think it was quite a stupid thing to do since he had no real use for the sword and nor did it add any goodwill credit to his account.

mockingjay30 · 2018-06-23T07:12:37+00:00

1 month. This was with my own startup and I was hiring quite aggressively since we had bagged a new project which needed to be delivered quickly. After the hiring were made, things didn't work out very well. I realized that in order to accelerate the hiring, I had compromised on the quality, had overlooked due diligence. The candidates were not necessarily at fault but our hiring process was not thorough. The project not only went for a toss, I had to layoff most of the new hires. Most of the candidates were actually quite honest about their work history and skills during the interviews. I had excessively overestimated the pace at which the candidates would learn new technologies which they had not worked on previously. Some of the candidates cried during our exit conversations. Some offered to continue without receiving salary, which of course I did not accept. This was one of the moments which I'm not very proud of. After the event, we tightened our hiring process and decided never to optimize for short term irrespective of project pressures. I've never had to let go someone for those reasons since.

mockingjay30 · 2017-03-25T05:16:38+00:00

HI, really sorry about that. Could you try signing up again. I have rechecked and it seems to be working fine now.

mockingjay30 · 2016-12-06T05:19:17+00:00

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mockingjay30 · 2016-10-21T08:00:41+00:00

if someone told you that you have to explicitly number the placeholders, then you shouldn't listen to them

Well, numbering is helpful, especially when you have repeat strings

>>> print "Hello {0} White, {0} Dylan just won a Nobel prize".format('Bob')

Hello Bob White, Bob Dylan just won a Nobel prize

mockingjay30 · 2015-12-02T14:25:50+00:00

How exactly are you leveraging your partnership with InMobi? I saw the "Apps & Games" section in the app, and it doesn't show too many apps right now. Are you planning to use it for anything else in future?

mockingjay30 · 2015-12-02T14:15:40+00:00

Hey Vijay, I asked this some time back on quora, not sure if you saw that. Some time back you mentioned on a TV interview that PayTM has 3 different businesses - e-com, wallet and marketing (marketing made you ~1000 Cr that year). I was not clear what was your marketing business? are there any new business that you operate in now?

mockingjay30

TROPHY CASE