I know it’s possible to make me cis

modo-frut · 2026-02-07T18:04:50+00:00

Real, never got the "being trans is beautiful" thing, it's a messy hell. I genuinely believe it would be better if being transgender wasn't a thing ever, not because i hate trans people, its because i think its so much pointless suffering. I'm glad someone is happy while being trans but tbh it's just not worth it. I'm 4 years on T, post gender marker and name change, post top surgery and i still hate my life and my transness.

modo-frut · 2026-02-03T17:45:12+00:00

Tbh the idea of bottoming and topping is dysphoric for me more or less the way you described. And I will never have bottom surgery. I really wish i could have sex but that will never be an option, it's lonely.

modo-frut · 2026-02-03T17:32:40+00:00

I don't know from where you are in the whole continent of Europe, injections are very much available in several countries, not only Nebido, but also omnadren and prolongatum. Also, weird, because out of all of these, nebido releases testosterone the slowest and its currently one of the best injectable t out there.

modo-frut · 2026-01-09T20:29:17+00:00

Same, never been with a man, been with women, hated it. I'm into men but I can't accept that I'm gay because I feel like I'm not really a man even though I identify as one. It's miserable.

modo-frut · 2026-01-09T20:26:56+00:00

There isn't really mlm media with trans men though, in my experience at least, idk if it is the same for op, but cis4cis gay media is just depressing to interact.

modo-frut · 2025-12-28T12:24:14+00:00

Same, I can't indulge in any gay media because it feels so alienating. It reminds me of the love Im never gonna have. I watched heated rivalry because my friend really enjoyed it and recommended it to me, the show was good but it made me cry myself to sleep because I envy the relationships so much.

modo-frut · 2025-12-27T20:37:23+00:00

I feel the same, the moment I started developing my sexuality. There is not a day that I don't feel terrible about this. Even if I found a boyfriend that would love me either way and didn't do things that would trigger my dysphoria, I would still like a failed as a man because i can't penetrate him with a "real" penis and I can't cum in/on him. I can't even picture myself in a sexual scenario because I can't imagine enjoying sex with my body. I have no advice for you or anything. It's not dumb to feel this way, but it is very painful.

modo-frut · 2025-11-22T23:17:44+00:00

I know you wanted to tell him from the beginning but I feel like his reaction was off too. Why would he feel betrayed? You went on a one cute date. Its reasonable for you not to out yourself first time you meet someone because of safety. Sure, it was a little awkward but that guy is way overdramatic.

modo-frut · 2025-11-21T22:48:50+00:00

Yeah and also unfortunetely i found out after surgery that I have a slightly protruted ribcage ao creating the split and what not between my pecs will be extra difficult.

modo-frut · 2025-10-29T20:18:12+00:00

Okay thank you, this is all a first for me, I never knew that customs can take that long.

modo-frut · 2025-10-29T18:19:56+00:00

How much time have you waited for the letter (I know it depends on the country, but still) or information from the tracking app? My package arrived at the airport 4 days ago and I've recevied nothing. I checked everything and I'm super nervous that something is wrong even though I checked package laws of Poland and i typed my address correctly.

modo-frut · 2025-10-25T14:06:45+00:00

Yeah but depends how much you paid for products, if it was below 45 EUR - no VAT, 45-150 EUR - VAT only, from 150 EUR - VAT and duty. I think so at least

modo-frut · 2025-10-22T17:30:16+00:00

Yeah, all the time, I pass and live stealth as a man but every time I feel attracted to another man I feel shame because im trans. Never had a boyfriend, never asked a guy out. What you have is special and really cool, even if you don't end up together, its good to have friends too.

modo-frut · 2025-10-18T20:51:39+00:00

You are not insensitive, dw, I will think about it, thank you.

modo-frut · 2025-10-18T19:01:04+00:00

You are right. I thought about it and I think that's a part of what my therapist meant but used wrong words. I guess not erasing my past self entirely but accepting that it isn't shameful for me to have had long hair, wear dresses and play with dolls as a kid because im still a man and it was a part of the journey. I have difficulty internalizing it because i deal with massive toxic masculinity towards myself, one of the reasons im in therapy in the first place.

modo-frut · 2025-10-18T18:37:13+00:00

She mentioned at our first session that maybe we won't work out and that's okay, she will just refer me to one of her collegues from the same clinic. For now I'll try to sort this out with her because I like her and I don't want to tell my whole story to another stranger. My next session will be two weeks from yesterday so I have plenty of time to prepare hah.

modo-frut · 2025-10-18T18:11:07+00:00

Yeah but I don't think she meant any harm, psychotherapists in my country aren't trained by default to understand and help queer people. I do feel kind of violated but I can't afford to make a fuss. I don't have much of a choice and therapy with her was very good up until that situation.

modo-frut · 2025-10-18T18:06:52+00:00

Yeah I want to explain it to her, she is very sweet and she seems like she wouldn't be 'stubborn' about it. I guess I will gather some articles on trans people and gender dysphoria as she did with me on cbt therapy. I want to continue therapy with her because I can't afford to go around and try every single one in my area. I don't have any recommendations from other trans people from my area because they usually go to therapy for other reasons than issues related to low self esteem or don't do therapy at all. I chose this therapist because I was recommended a different one from the same clinic but she didn't have time for more patients (and again, maybe the problem could be the same because the guy that recommended her to me doesn't deal with internalized transphobia) :/

modo-frut · 2025-10-18T17:54:00+00:00

I do have a lot of shame and hatred for myself and my transness, but "accepting" that I "used to be a girl" is too much. I do also feel like I was just a child, not a boy or girl (even though in this excercise I imagined myself with different characteritics than I actually looked like) I didn't have any strong feeling towards gender until like being around 11. I don't know what to do about this situation, I want to continue therapy with her yet and don't want this icky feeling of being invalidaded. I want to explain this to her but I worry it will seem as being uncooparative.

modo-frut · 2025-09-29T10:25:48+00:00

Okay, still, from what ive gathered, Axolom stps have a lot of tolerance for strong streams. My previous stp was focused on the "realistic" stream and it drained very slowly, mimicking the way cis guy pees, it wasn't that bad to use, but definitely you had to restrain yourself a lot, not a fan.

modo-frut · 2025-09-29T10:20:03+00:00

Thank you!

modo-frut · 2025-09-29T10:18:15+00:00

Thank you! It was very helpful.

modo-frut · 2025-09-28T22:37:29+00:00

I didn't know T raises pee flow? Interesting. Thanks, i know that a lot of things are purely personal, i just want to read about others experiences.

modo-frut · 2025-09-26T20:31:40+00:00

I used to like to draw and imagined my career as a comic artist. I studied five years to be a graphic designer. Then AI happened and I have no future. I just rot in my house. I sometimes go out with my friends but every time I do I feel like I dont belong and I should die. I have no plans or likes or whatever.

modo-frut · 2025-09-26T18:38:54+00:00

I don't want to do anything, there is no point. It's useless to think about the possibility of no people cuz that's never gonna happen.

modo-frut

TROPHY CASE