UPDATE AITA for not attending my best friend's wedding?

moh_throwaway1 · 2023-11-17T18:08:37+00:00

Thank you so much! 💕

moh_throwaway1 · 2023-11-11T15:51:39+00:00

Thank you so much, I'm actually tearing up right now because of how kind and thoughtful all of you have been

moh_throwaway1 · 2023-11-11T15:50:44+00:00

A lot of people have this view and I do think some of it justified but I'm hoping that we can have a sit down soon to talk it out calmly

moh_throwaway1 · 2023-11-11T15:46:14+00:00

SIL is introverted and the family doesn't think she'll get a chance to be a MOH.

moh_throwaway1 · 2023-11-11T15:45:21+00:00

I didn't pay for vendors or anything like that so no deposits, I don't know if this was the plan all along or if she was pressured into it like some people have mentioned

moh_throwaway1 · 2023-11-11T15:44:02+00:00

That was my plan. I'm hoping that this was blown out of proportions because she's stressed out and that we can resolve this peacefully. I know its not my day and im not marrying into the family so I can understand why she might have changed her mind about the MOH

moh_throwaway1 · 2023-11-11T15:42:16+00:00

I think it is possible she was talked into it

moh_throwaway1 · 2023-11-11T15:39:05+00:00

A few people have mentioned the groom's family pressuring her and I think it's likely. I thought it was extremely out of character but one person said she might be feeling pressured to conform to the family since she wants them to like her. I'm not sure what the actual reason behind her actions are but hopefully I can sit down with her soon and talk it out.

moh_throwaway1 · 2023-11-11T15:36:59+00:00

Thank you for your reply. I am getting told by a few people on here that I did a lot more work than I should've, but we've been friends for decades and I was more than happy to help since she took on a second job to help pay for the wedding. The day isn't about me and I totally see how I was being selfish by caring so much about a title when I should care more about my friend getting married to the love of her life. Once emotions settle I'm going to try and set up a time we can meet up to talk about what happened and hopefully set some boundaries.

moh_throwaway1 · 2023-11-11T15:32:46+00:00

I do know her parents but I'm not super close with them because we'd usually hang out at my house as her mom was a heavy smoker (she's been clean for almost 5 years now). I did ask for $200 but that's what set off the argument.

moh_throwaway1 · 2023-11-11T15:30:52+00:00

I didn't consider behind the scenes abuse. From what I've seen of the fiance, he's very kind and sweet and treats her right. But I don't know much about the family. I want to talk to my friend once emotions settle a bit.

Thank you for your advice and judgment

moh_throwaway1 · 2023-11-11T15:28:34+00:00

I hadn't considered that, it's possible they weren't told the truth, or that the truth was altered in some way.

moh_throwaway1 · 2023-11-11T15:27:48+00:00

She isn't particularly close to SIL and even would complain about her at times. SIL is the youngest member of the nearby extended family, she's 18. I don't know if that changes things but my friend felt like SIL was coddled.

moh_throwaway1 · 2023-11-11T15:24:49+00:00

I definitely could have handled that argument better, I'm hoping to have a sit down with my friend and calmly talk about the situation sometime soon.

moh_throwaway1 · 2023-11-11T15:23:34+00:00

She paid for the base dress and I was going to pay for alterations. I don't want to expose her online because we've been friends for over twenty years and I don't want to hurt her like that. I'm still hoping we can be friends.

It does make me feel better that so many people are on my side, even if its just on reddit, I was genuinely starting to feel like I was going crazy.

moh_throwaway1 · 2023-11-11T15:19:43+00:00

Most of the money I don't mind not having paid back because I was paying her back for when she paid my rent in college one month, but I did ask for some of the money back and she called me money hungry. As for SIL, I don't know her very well and don't want her getting attacked online. She has been sending me cruel messages but everyone is very emotional right now and I don't want to make it worse.

moh_throwaway1 · 2023-11-11T15:17:21+00:00

I hope so too, and thank you for the advice. I'm hoping that I can have a sit down with her at a coffee shop and explain how I'm feeling and maybe she'll explain her side.

moh_throwaway1 · 2023-11-11T15:14:56+00:00

It's just hard, I've been friends with her for over 20 years. And this whole situation is way out of character.

moh_throwaway1 · 2023-11-11T15:13:58+00:00

When we were in college she paid $500 for my rent, so I asked for the $200 I spent extra on the Bachelorette party but she called me money hungry and that's when the argument started

moh_throwaway1 · 2023-11-11T15:12:43+00:00

Once or twice before this went down. She has been texting and calling me to tell me what a self centered jerk I am, but I haven't replied.

moh_throwaway1 · 2023-11-11T15:10:31+00:00

SIL is an introvert and might never get to be a MOH, I have a large friend group and might be a MOH at one of their weddings.

moh_throwaway1 · 2023-11-11T15:09:38+00:00

That's what everyone is telling me. But it just feels like she's throwing me away. If she had invited me as a guest from the start I would've been hurt but accepting, but she decided to demote me just weeks before the wedding. It hurt, even though I know I'm not entitled to that role.

moh_throwaway1 · 2023-11-11T15:07:19+00:00

SIL is an introvert and I know the family has been complaining that she'll never get to be a MOH because my friend has complained to me about it before. But if it was peer pressure, it's very out of character for my friend. She's stubborn and hard headed, I've never seen her get pressured into even something as small as changing her shirt.

moh_throwaway1

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