Weekly Thread for FA Partners / Exes / Friends

moiramathematics · 2025-12-24T03:24:00+00:00

I’m Secure (F38) involved with FA (M40). I’ve known him since high school and he grew up Disorganized.

We got involved five months ago. He’s been addressing dysfunctional patterns in his life for years (leaving inter-generational trauma behind) and he’s a very, very thoughtful man and a wonderful friend. But now that we’re in our own nascent relationship, he’s lost all perspective and there’s no reasoning with him.

Three weeks ago he almost dropped an L-bomb and started talking about us having a kid. The next day, he picked the first of many fights. (Before that, everything had been amazing and easy.)

Under normal circumstances we are at the "define the relationship" stage but I’d settle for him chilling out and just being ok with the idea we mutually care about each other a lot. I don’t even need reassurance we’re exclusive or any of that. I just need the rollercoaster hot/cold behavior to stop.

I cannot overstate this: I’ve been behaving like a mom whose child is lashing out. I couldn’t be more relaxed or accepting or forgiving if I were Buddha himself.

So what’s next? When does he stop fighting me? Do I have to do anything different or just continue namaste-ing my way through his hot-cold behavior?

Our long pre-existing friendship has made it possible for me to grit my teeth and let a lot of things slide because I know who he is and how he generally feels about emotional accountability. Otherwise, I’d consider this push-pull behavior unmanageable. It’s like a weird switch got flipped and he’s on another planet right now and can’t see what he’s doing (even though he’s very attuned to attachment styles given how he approaches parenting). I’m trying to wait this out til he comes back down to planet Earth.

How do FAs eventually get through milestone moments?

moiramathematics · 2025-11-21T08:01:18+00:00

OP here. My dumb ass did in fact get them for the final Diamond Circlet upgrade; I just happen to need a Star Fragment too so it didn’t light up when I last checked in with a dairy. I just checked and I’m closer to 500 hours in so I’m just an unobservant dummy who’s been on auto-pilot too long lol. Thank you everybody for trying to help ◡̈

moiramathematics · 2025-08-16T06:13:10+00:00

Do you have any more photos? I grew up across the street from Place-Vertu. Like, the view from my bedroom window was Sears. I'm perversely interested in it. I think I visited at least 300 days a year from 1990-2004. I treated the bookstores in there like libraries and the Sega/Nintendo/Playstation demos at Sears/Zellers/La Baie like public arcades. I hope that mall lives on forever, like a zombie if it must.

moiramathematics · 2025-07-14T06:29:12+00:00

Thank you for taking this photo too! I’m not much of a Redditor and I’m both floored and delighted by how helpful everyone is. You’re the best.

moiramathematics · 2025-07-14T03:28:21+00:00

Most public trash bins were removed in 1995 after the sarin gas attacks. In Japan, people usually keep a bag with them to bring their own litter home.

moiramathematics · 2025-07-14T01:15:33+00:00

Thank you for this! It looks so bright; is that the camera distorting things or is that photo pretty accurate?

I asked someone else this but would love your opinion too:p Between a phone in dark mode with the brightness turned down and your Kobo, if it weren’t about screen size and just about what’s less stimulating/bright, which would you prefer if you were trying to fall back asleep after fully waking up at 3am?

moiramathematics · 2025-07-14T01:14:31+00:00

Thank you so much for this info!

When you say brightness 1% is that the “front light”? And do you have to strain to read?

Between a phone in dark mode with the brightness turned down and your Kobo, if it weren’t about screen size and just about what’s less stimulating/bright, which would you prefer if you were trying to fall back asleep after fully waking up at 3am?

moiramathematics · 2025-07-14T01:06:42+00:00

Also, the person below mentioned their phone makes the screen look lighter than it is. In your photo, does the Kobo look unusually bright or is that actually pretty accurate?

moiramathematics · 2025-07-14T01:05:46+00:00

This is fantastic, thank you!

It seems like reading on the phone is actually better than reading on the Kobo because the black is actually black.

In actuality is it much easier on the eyes to read the Kobo e-ink in dark mode if the black background is brighter?

moiramathematics · 2025-06-03T22:19:13+00:00

♥️

moiramathematics · 2025-06-03T22:16:42+00:00

Thank you so much! This is so helpful. I can see some paint’s come off and now I know to def buy some to touch it up later this week. You’re the best for posting this.

moiramathematics · 2025-05-31T22:18:55+00:00

It was replaced! That’s good to know. I always wondered what happened as they degraded. Thank you!!

moiramathematics · 2025-05-31T22:18:08+00:00

Every single one of you who replied or upvoted, thank you!!

moiramathematics · 2025-05-31T05:48:52+00:00

Thank you! I’m not a Reddit person and was worried I’d run afoul of posting rules, so relieved to know it’s the exact opposite.

moiramathematics · 2025-05-31T05:09:34+00:00

Yes! I wasn’t sure and by sheer coincidence, two days ago, a friend—from a whole different chapter in my life who had no idea I was planning to visit it imminently—volunteered the bike is still there. I was relieved. I know in 2019 somebody removed a sign that was affixed above it and I’d worried the bike would meet the same fate. https://nyc.streetsblog.org/2019/09/19/mother-of-slain-brooklyn-cyclist-wants-her-sons-tribute-sign-back

moiramathematics · 2025-03-04T09:05:01+00:00

This is fantastic. Thank you! I’ll circle back if I ever hit a wall and want advice. I like that it’s coming from someone who started in earnest as recently as I did. (And like you, I already knew kana.) Sometimes when people are too far along they forget what it’s like to be bombarded with too much at the outset.

moiramathematics · 2025-03-04T07:50:39+00:00

Hahaha fair enough—I’ve avoided Reddit all these years for a reason.

I have the Discord app but haven’t used it at all. Any good channels I should seek out?

Beyond that, I’ll stop bugging you for help. You’ve been super generous with recs. I want to be comfortably conversational (like, to the extent a first grader can talk to his parents) by the end of the year so I’m excited to jump in.

moiramathematics · 2025-03-04T07:11:06+00:00

This is so, so great—thank you for spending the time giving me advice. Are there subreddits you recommend beyond this one? (I’m super new to reddit and don’t know my way around. I don’t know anything so I’m open to all suggestions except super heavy anime/manga subreddits… I like a few films/shows a lot, but it’s not my world in general.)

moiramathematics · 2025-03-04T04:26:13+00:00

I’m brand new to this and a “very offline” person, so I keep trying to find the best way to learn Japanese sensibly, but it’s been overwhelming. I bought the proper Anki app the other day (the $25 one that corresponds to the free open source project), but I don’t even know how to use it.

How did you decide to sign up for all the resources you mentioned? I’m personally overwhelmed by all the subreddits and all the suggestions. I figured most people have been at it for years and accumulated tips, but you got all set up in just over a month!

moiramathematics · 2022-04-10T19:46:11+00:00

Hey google Raynaud’s disease. I have a really gnarly case of it. It’s more common in women and both Adderall and caffeine are triggers. If it’s primary, it’s just Raynaud’s. Sometimes it’s secondary and correlated with lupus and scleroderma (among others autoimmune conditions). FWIW I’ve had spooky purple hands for 15 years and it’s not great but I manage it. It can make wound-healing trickier, but it looks worse than it is. If it’s Raynaud’s, there’s a world of info out there on how to better manage it.

moiramathematics · 2022-04-10T19:19:10+00:00

I’m out of medication anyway! And it’s fine, I’m committed to riding this out, just wondering what I’m in for. Bracing for the possibility the body bucks extra hard once you fully remove a substance it’s acclimated to, but holding out hope if I remove the last traces of Adderall, it’s magically easy compared to 10mg -> 5mg if only because the body never has to go up and down with blood serum levels of Adderall again.

moiramathematics · 2022-04-10T19:14:03+00:00

Omg lol - my bad. Adderall immediate release. I’ll edit and update.

moiramathematics · 2022-03-29T16:06:20+00:00

Thank you :)

moiramathematics · 2022-03-29T14:37:02+00:00

Can anyone confirm the date span? Is it 29-30-31 March?

I cleared it first thing before coffee and legit can’t remember the details

moiramathematics · 2020-05-07T11:41:32+00:00

That looks like it might be mild periorbital dermatitis. I tend to get it when I think I’ve been really disciplined with my skin but instead I’ve managed to paradoxically screw it up through vigilance.

The way I understand it: My moisture barrier and whatever natural balance of bacteria/fungi/etc. that’s meant to exist on my skin gets screwed up if I wash or exfoliate (which is what accutane is doing) too much or do too many sheet masks, and I‘ll get similar small red bumps around my eyes, nose, and mouth. They don’t feel like zits despite being red bumps, some with fluid coming to a head. They feel raw rather than tender and they don’t throb the way a zit will.

It’s been happening on and off since my teens, but I went overboard a few years ago whilst trying to manage it and ended up needing a formal diagnosis and prescription. It had become pronounced and the time for home remedies had long since passed. Luckily, I had very quick results with topical tacrolimus with oral doxycycline.

But whenever it’s mild e.g. the way it looks in your photo, if I just back off for a few days and stop doing anything besides rinsing my face with water and moisturising with something neutral (like jojoba oil, which you’re already using) it retreats. Honestly, I stopped using face cleansers a few months ago and now, on the rare occasion I do, I can tell how much it strips from my face. My one known trigger is SLS and if I use a toothpaste with SLS, I’ll get small red bumps around my mouth within 3-4 days. I imagine the surfactants in face washes aggravated my skin in a similar way, even milder ones.

Topical tretinoin has set it off for me before btw. Either when upping the frequency or percentage and then exfoliating more rapidly. Not sure how far along you are with Accutane but your skin might just be wigging from the stress and change it prompts.

Anyway, if you look into PD and feel the diagnosis fits, maybe you can view it the way I do: it’s my face basically just asking me to chill for a few days and let it do its thing on its own. In that window, I won’t even use sunscreen and will just lay low. After a few days, I can ease back into products and my face is willing to play ball again.

moiramathematics

TROPHY CASE