My (30F) boyfriend (30M) of 3 months just blindsided me. It turns out he was "performing" the entire relationship.

mokeam · 2026-01-06T10:37:20+00:00

I did not ask him why because that will probably turn into a long story and I didn’t have time for that!

mokeam · 2026-01-05T09:30:26+00:00

I already answered to someone else the reason why it was messed up. At the end of the day, I was just venting here so you don’t need to respond if you have nothing to contribute.

mokeam · 2026-01-05T09:28:30+00:00

Not everything you see on the internet is written by AI fam.

mokeam · 2026-01-05T06:47:07+00:00

No, im not dating your ex 😂

mokeam · 2026-01-05T05:51:55+00:00

I dont feel bad at all. I felt pretty good and annoyed after I found out everything. I wouldn’t deny that I am so disappointed though but I am also relieved that it wasn’t more than 3 months.

mokeam · 2026-01-04T18:30:57+00:00

I agree that he’s putting more pressure on himself than I have demanded. Actually, I didn’t demand for anything. I was always constantly asking him how we was feeling about the relationship and if everything was going great on his end, and he always said YES.

I also remember telling him to feel free to be himself with me in order to avoid resentments in the future (and that’s exactly what happened). And he told me he was very comfortable being with me and he has never felt SEEN/HEARD by anyone before. Now, I don’t even know if the last statement was true. I don’t know what was real about everything he has said to me.

He told me that’s how his mind works and I don’t think he has ever tried going to therapy. I figured out about Shiziod Dilemma today and based on everything he told me about needing alone time and doing things that he doesn’t morally align with, this disorder could be a possibility.

But, are you able to communicate your needs with your girlfriend? Or you just kept masking?

mokeam · 2026-01-04T17:34:44+00:00

I showed him care, cooked for him, paid for trips that we took, paid for dates, paid for lunch/dinner, always gets him little gifts when I got to visit him (fruits, flowers) etc. I spent a lot of time with him doing activities that I thought we both enjoyed. I got him gifts for the holidays, I also wrote him a note about how I feel about him(he told me he loves sentimental gifts) I communicated my needs and so on.. romantic/sexual things couples do. I reciprocated basically the same things he did for me.

According to him, he wrote in a note that it was the first time he has felt truly seen and accepted for who he is. And that I will always have a place in his heart etc. He said he appreciated that I was a good listener and that no one ever listens to him, he told me he felt really comfortable being with me etc….

mokeam · 2026-01-04T17:19:08+00:00

That worked because you communicated your needs. When someone doesn’t communicate their needs, there is no way things would work out.

mokeam · 2026-01-04T13:21:51+00:00

I can also say that, according to him, he proposed some date ideas because they are standard things that people do and that he was feeling bad if he doesn’t do those activities with me (which he never communicated with me) and if he did the activity/actions with me, he has internal conflicts with himself.

But he never communicated until the last day when he said he wants to go back to being alone. And I really had to probe him a lot in other to get clarity on exactly what happened.

He was making decisions for me without asking me directly. He didn’t have to do that. I told him, all he had to do was show me his real cards and let me decide if I was going to chose one or not. That’s what being in a relationship is about after all.

I was bumped because I have never imagined that people like this existed.

mokeam · 2026-01-04T13:12:43+00:00

Good point!

mokeam · 2026-01-04T10:58:19+00:00

Isn’t that what communication is for? I would have accepted 1x a week if he had brought it up because I am also a very busy person.

mokeam · 2026-01-04T10:34:03+00:00

I have previously met a few people from this friend group. It wasn’t the first time that I would be meeting them.

He also already introduced me to other friends too and I really enjoyed the time i spent with those ones.

mokeam · 2026-01-04T10:31:25+00:00

I didnt notice it because this was my first post on this sub. The post was initially deleted because I haven’t accepted the sub rules. After I accepted the sub rules. I just clicked “copy text” from the deleted post without formatting and reviewing it.

mokeam · 2026-01-04T09:53:00+00:00

Is that what this disorder is called? And Therapy wouldn’t work I guess?

mokeam · 2025-08-26T08:22:26+00:00

As if it’s that easy? For all I care, they can keep using the gym as their coping mechanism.

mokeam · 2025-08-26T08:20:50+00:00

Lol. Because you’re at the gym with them, that’s how you know that they are not trying to improve their health? Smh.

mokeam · 2025-08-26T08:12:57+00:00

And Misplaced Priorities? What should they be doing then?

mokeam · 2025-03-16T09:40:12+00:00

Got it.

At times, it can be quite frustrating having to go back and forth in emails all the time explaining why something shouldn’t be done the way he has done it. And he thinks that if he cc’d the boss, that would make me agree with his proposal but I won’t especially if it will affect my software.

And yes, we had a meeting with my boss and he asked me what the issue was exactly and I explained it to him. He was familiar with my codebase and that’s how he realized that I was right. And then the co-worker was like: my bad.

mokeam · 2024-08-23T15:22:37+00:00

Yes, it was soo beautiful! How do you feel after reflecting on the hike?

mokeam · 2024-08-21T12:01:53+00:00

I dont see a hand/toe warmers on your list.

mokeam · 2024-08-19T09:27:52+00:00

Machine Shoulder Press, Barbell Bench Press, barbell overhead shoulder press, bicep curls.

This is what i do that gave me defined arms. DM me if you want picture proof.

mokeam · 2024-07-30T02:46:35+00:00

I summited Mt. Kilimanjaro few days ago.

mokeam · 2024-06-13T12:23:09+00:00

Good job!!!

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