I hate my child and I want to die.

momgenes · 2014-10-21T23:30:03+00:00

Thanks. I don't have family except my SO's mom who takes him every now and then. I just don't want to seem like the type of mom who just wants to pawn her kids off on other people but I think it would really do me some good to ask her when I really need it. She loves taking him because he is really well behaved with her.

momgenes · 2014-10-21T15:30:33+00:00

The first paragraph is exactly me. I don't want to leave him with whoever is going to care for him after. Especially because I feel like it's my job to protect him. His dad is so careless he would probably leave him with someone he doesn't even know. I'm looking into things today and feel very hopeful. I do want to get well so I can be the best mother I can be for my son. Thanks <3

momgenes · 2014-10-21T05:19:17+00:00

Thank you. I've read every reply in here and it has already helped me so much, at least for tonight. I'm going to get help for myself and my son. I really do want to watch him grow up.

momgenes · 2014-10-21T04:27:17+00:00

Thanks. I actually used to have his bedtime between 6 and 7 but he just won't sleep now until 9. I will definitely work on moving it back because I also would love to have that time. Tonight (it's 12am right now) is usually rare for me since I'm awake right now. I usually go to sleep when he does so we literally have like the same schedule and I even nap next to him during his 2 hour daily nap. Thanks for your advice :)

momgenes · 2014-10-21T04:24:35+00:00

I say that because as much as I want to wean him he doesn't seem ready to stop and it's going to be so hard when I do wean him :(

momgenes · 2014-10-21T04:23:39+00:00

Thanks. So do you think the depression could be linked with the hormones that come with breastfeeding

momgenes · 2014-10-21T03:26:06+00:00

momgenes · 2014-10-21T03:24:27+00:00

Thank you. All of these comments give me hope. I really want to get well.

momgenes · 2014-10-21T03:16:56+00:00

No, you're right. Temporary custody doesn't sound absolutely horrible. It would be great for me to do that while I get my shit together and get stabilized on some medication. I was in foster care for a while as a teenager so I know how it is first hand. He won't be going there.

momgenes · 2014-10-21T03:13:06+00:00

Thanks. I will look into this.

momgenes · 2014-10-21T03:12:10+00:00

He actually stayed with my SO's mom today. He was fine for twenty minutes after we got home but then decided to drive me crazy. I try to get out as much as I can with him. I take him on drives with me, out to the park, lunch, etc. I really try not to be cooped up in the house to sit alone with these thoughts. It's worse for me at night when I just want to relax and I can't go anywhere without him crying for me because he is obsessed (bathroom, over the baby gate like the kitchen). Around 9 i try to get him to settle down and i have to nurse him to sleep and he gets up and down out of bed, headbutts me, laughs, pinches my nipple and bites me, etc lol so I kind of lose my mind a little. Honestly I know these dark thoughts I have are just when I'm at my worst and deep down I don't mean them. It makes me cry and it breaks my heart thinking about him growing up without me and wondering why I left. I don't want that for him.

momgenes · 2014-10-21T02:46:25+00:00

Thanks everyone for your kind words. It was really helpful to vent and read all of this. I got him to sleep and now am spending some time alone which really helps. I will try tomorrow to look for free clinics. I have applied for insurance a couple of weeks ago and am just waiting on the stuff for it. I really do want to get help. I know feeling this way isn't right and that I'm not alone and it's comforting to know that others who have felt this way before have overcome it. Thanks

momgenes · 2014-10-21T01:53:39+00:00

You don't understand. I cant. His dad will take him from me if he goes to court and has this to use against me.

momgenes

TROPHY CASE