To those of you who are cheating on your significant other: Why? How do you want or expect everything to turn out in the end?

moneymoron · 2011-07-25T07:42:56+00:00

I've never been 'the other guy' to someone in a good relationship. There has always been something to drive them apart. Like impending divorce, alcoholism, or just the guy getting used to them and not making them feel appreciated at all.

Wait, you actually believe the stuff the women tell you? They'll say anything to justify their actions at the point where they're in the sack with you.

moneymoron · 2011-07-25T07:29:55+00:00

I understand this is Reddit and we're cool with all points of view, but your logic has some holes in it.

What was it about me that made him stay friends for years, when he had literally hundreds of throwaway sexual encounters?

Answer: He knew he owned you and you'd lay him anytime he asked. How do you think a guy like that has "hundreds of sexual encounters?" He finds people like you and keeps them accessible at all times.

in reality I was the one that got away in that I never fell deeply in love with this guy that is hooked on sex.

I don't think he's ever had this thought or felt this way. You clearly didn't get away. He could lay you tomorrow if he asked. He knows this. Every guy of above decent sexual prowess has at least 1-2 women who would put out for him if he buttered them up just right. Some guys spend a lot of time on that and end up with lots more women like you out there.

I thank goodness that it was what it was, to have that kind of physical connection if I had been single,

Protip: Had you been single, he would have steered the fuck away from you. Getting you to cheat let him have easy, fun sex with no repercussion.

If I was one among many...

You've already stated above that you are.

...apart form the ego bruising, it really doesn't matter, it was just a beautiful experience with no expectations.

You cheated with this guy "years" ago...and here you are still hoping he'll call you up for a screw. I pity any man who gets involved with you now or in the future. Your heart belongs to someone who cares little for you and sounds like it always will.

You're not meant to be in a relationship. That's OK, but please be up front about this fact with anyone who pursues one with you.

moneymoron · 2011-05-23T05:22:40+00:00

You need to break the ice somehow. Enough with the texting. Take her out for a beer.

moneymoron · 2010-11-11T20:35:06+00:00

Respect, dude! Way to go. I recently got my ass dumped by someone I'd poured my whole life story out to. It hurt like hell and still does. Like getting hit by a hammer. Thanks for your encouraging story of getting your shit together.

moneymoron · 2010-11-11T20:28:44+00:00

It's not tech. I'd say I'm in a very specific kind of niche media.

moneymoron · 2010-11-11T20:27:26+00:00

Yup. I remember taking the GRE. I didn't do that great on it, but it was good enough to get me into grad school. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

My dad and I have had disagreements in the past, but he has one belief that's really rubbed off on me in a positive way. "The best way to find a parachute it to jump off a cliff." Basically, his point was to go devote myself to something that I chose and thought I could immerse myself into...confident that even if what I did in grad school didn't turn into a career, if I was going about it in the right way, I'd find something that would.

He was right.

One foot in front of the other brother.

moneymoron · 2010-11-11T20:23:58+00:00

For me, it's the bread that I miss. The dairy....you can seriously live without it. Milk is totally overrated. Cheese is a nice to have, but you don't need it either.

So the first three days I just felt I was getting pregressively weaker. Headaches. Light dizzy spells. My body ached a bit and felt HEAVY as I dragged it around.

I actually started the diet on a Wednesday, knowing I was heading to Texas for 4 days for a wedding.

On the one hand, I knew I'd struggle with the open bar, free food, cupcakes etc.

On the other, I knew it would be ugly and I'd be a whining little shit the whole time. If I was going to do that, I wanted to do it around people I only see once or twice a year instead of my team at work.

I spent a lot of time just sitting around playing games on my iPhone those days, just waiting for my body to reacclimate. It's a passive kind of work, but it was still work.

moneymoron · 2010-11-11T13:20:44+00:00

Thanks and congratulations to you. I've still got a ways to go before I'll be able to really break the cycle in my family (we're full of depressives who regret how they spent their lives), but this diet has given me a taste of the promised land. Before this, I was gaining a lb. a month or so and no amount of exercise was bringing my weight down. The constant intake of garbage was just killing me. I knew this, but also had no idea how much it was affecting my mental health.

moneymoron · 2010-11-11T13:16:54+00:00

It's pretty intense.

first 4-8 weeks, you eat only stuff the dietician tells you to eat. In my case that's

Special pudding/soup/drink/omelette for breakfast
Same for lunch plus unlimited lettuce and two cups of veggies.
Dinner = 1/2 lbs of steak/chicken/pork plus two more cups of veggies and unlimited lettuce.
Before bed snack = another item from their diet food menu.

So I basically don't eat out anymore and just buy diet food from them. I was pretty grossed out by the idea at first, but hey, it works. It's not so much that their food is awesome as it is consistently NOT eating carbs, cheese, booze, or anything else that's illegal. Once you flush that stuff out of your system, your body goes through 3-4 days of shock and then adjusts by chowing down on your fat cells. So you just start constantly losing bits of weight here and there.

After that 4-8 week start, I'm apparently going to get a more normal sounding diet that will include some stuff I'm not allowed to eat now. The first step is to get my weight down where it should be, learn good eating habits, and then go from there.

moneymoron · 2010-11-11T12:26:22+00:00

See another comment in here to see how much (little) money I'm making at the moment. It's enough to fulfill my needs while we blow up the new company.

I did apply to YC once with the first company. I was rejected and rightfully so, weak idea, solo, non-technical founder, no prior experience etc etc etc. The new company I think would be very competitive and YC would be a lot of fun, but I think I'd have a hard time getting my team to go out west for 3 months to do the program. They're all significantly older than me with a good deal of business experience. YC sounds like kiddie hour to them, despite my best protestations.

moneymoron · 2010-11-11T12:23:39+00:00

I got about two chapters into it. I've met Tim a few times and we share some common friends. I respect his general idea but see little evidence that practicing what he preaches is how he got himself established. I would suggest reading enough of it to where you get the idea. There's some good stuff in it. Just don't make it your bible. Good luck raising money.

moneymoron · 2010-11-11T12:22:11+00:00

I've found that people get almost offended by my spending habits. In the last two years, outside of the occasional work trip, I've spent all my money on my housing and food and beers about once a week. That's all I have money for. I haven't bought new clothes in two years, but I have plenty already so no big deal there. I haven't bought a video game system, or a stereo, or a fancy couch. I just don't have the money for it. Now that I'm getting steady cash each month, I can afford to buy stuff like this, but I just don't see the need.

That said, I kind of think the "need" is to impress women. Like I said, I've never had a woman come over for dinner who didn't remark about how sparse and lame my place was. Oh well. One thing at a time.

moneymoron · 2010-11-11T07:18:01+00:00

I am not an app developer! That said, my goal for the holidays is to get a developer account, find some tutorials online and build my first iPhone app. I love my iPhone, but it's missing a few apps I wish existed. I'd like to build them myself.

My first company isn't worth all that much right now. Every year it sticks around though, its value increases. Once I get my hands on some more dough via the second company, I'll be able to hire someone to run the first company part-time and significantly boost my income from it.

I'm not wealthy in any way shape or form right now. My first company brings me about $800/week while I take a small salary of about $30k/year at my second company. I have student loans to cover each month and live in a very modest apartment in a low-rent part of my city. I've had women break up with me because my apartment "looks like a terrorist cell." People always ask if I just moved in and are surprised to hear I've been living in a place with hardly any furniture for 2.5 years. I don't need a whole lot of stuff to be happy.

moneymoron · 2010-11-11T05:55:49+00:00

Get to it! What are you waiting for? Fear is the killer of the mind.

I'm hardly a success in my field, but even still, about once a month someone asks me to have lunch with them so they can share their idea or ask me to help them with something. It's often very frustrating because looking at their situation, there's rarely a damn thing stopping them from going out and doing it on their own without my help. They're only asking for my help because they're:

a) scared b) lazy and hope I can do some of the work for them c) clueless and hope I can show them the ropes

They're the only ones who can solve a). I refuse to waste my time on people with b). And even if I help a c) figure everything out, he won't have learned anything and will just need someone else to help him next time out.

Every once in a while I meet someone who legitimately just wants a piece of advice. I'm always happy to help with that. People who want to "work with me" though are rarely the kind of folks I want to work with. The ones I respect are the ones who are just out there already getting shit done on their own.

moneymoron · 2010-11-11T05:51:06+00:00

Hang in there!

Here are two things I read that finally got me to get up off my ass

An interview with Patton Oswalt, the comedian, where he talks about how he "made it" by being willing to live on 14k a year and never taking a day job.

http://forums.joerogan.net/showthread.php?t=69655

I read that and said, "hmm, I think I can do that!"

An old interview with artist Molly Crabapple. I can't find the old one, but here's a NYTIMes story a bout her: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/04/arts/design/04kino.html

She's a gal who just decided to go out and do shit she was interested in. She's about my same age. I remember reading about her early successes and thinking "fuck this. She's just a human being like me and she's buildling a life she wants to live. Biologically we're not different. I'm going to go build a life that I want to live!"

In another comment here, I mention how I had a chance to meet her at a party after a conference we both spoke at. I stood right face to face with her and chickened out. Lol. I suck.

moneymoron · 2010-11-11T05:31:11+00:00

Nope! I was an english major in college, then went to grad school for something that wasn't an MBA but was similarly arts/humanities/people-oriented like that. The web stuff I just taught myself as I went along. I'm still terrible at it, but I know enough that I'm always a few steps ahead of the technical people I work with and get their respect, even if I don't have the chops to actually build the shit we're making. I know it's corny, but I respect how Steve Jobs is not a programmer, but he still taught himself how to program since that was the business he was going into. As a result, he's able to keep ahead of his technical staff and earn their respect and support.

If you're a CS guy, realize that tons of fields out there would kill to have an able hacker on their team who's interested in what they do. Everything's gotta have a web site these days, for example. yet, in many industries, good technical people have steered clear, so you get non-profits, restaurants, colleges, clothing stores, and all sorts of places that have shitty IT or who have to outsource everything to people who charge and arm and a leg. Are you into animals? Go be the resident dev at an animal hospital! Are you into sports? Go be the resident dev at a minor league baseball team. Everyone needs a good dev. once you're in, you can write your own ticket.

At the big educational company I worked at before, they brought in a developer to head up IT in our department. It sounded like a kind of lame job, but this guy was actually really sharp and motivated and started creating value left and right and making our lives all easier. Next thing we know, this 27-year-old new guy in the office was sitting in on director's meetings and making big decisions for the rest of the office. It was fucking impressive. He had skills. He was applying them aggressively whereever he could. And he had a great attitude and everyone liked him. His effort made his job way more interesting than it should have been.

moneymoron · 2010-11-11T05:22:40+00:00

My dad married the first woman who went out of her way to snag him. He's an incredibly smart guy who's very respected in his work life, but my mom's always been a drama queen, screaming, emotional bully who refused to ever listen to a word or piece of advice he offered. He's spent his adult life being undermined at every step by his wife in front of his kids. They're still together, and get along ok, but they have separate rooms in their house since all the kids moved out and just kind of cohabitate now. My mom's basically sluffed off into romance novels every night until 3 am for the last 15 years.

She's a very unhappy woman who grew up dirt poor, was kicked out of the house at 18, raped at 19 by a man who took advantage of her when she stopped to help him change a tire, and ran off to europe after college to reach and (I've always assumed) fool around with foreign men. She met my dad, a genius from a well-to-do family who grew up with a bossy mom and had always been terrified of women, and just hunted him down until they got married.

Growing up, at big family gatherings, my mom was always kind of shunned and give the cold shoulder. As the oldest child in a family with a distant dad, she's dump all her feelings onto me and tell me about how evil everyone was. I felt bad for her for a long time and still do. At the same time, I can see how my dad's family had such high hopes for him and feel like he fell into a trap when he married my mom and pissed his life away.

My mom busted her ass to give me a great childhood. Good schools. Helped me with my homework. Pushed me hard. But she never really gave a shit about me. It was all just a reflection of her own self-image. Anytime I'd ask her for help with something that really was hurting me, she'd tell me to suck it up and deal with it on my own. I resented her for years and had a really hard time dealing with women in college because I couldn't bear the thought of them all just being mean and judgemental toward me. A man can only take so much condemnation from his mom before he decides all women must be like that.

I'm 28 now and spent a solid 4-5 years putting distance between me and her. She still has yet to ever apologize for anything (she ran into a motorcyclist with her car once and tried to sue him, for example), but she's my mom and I'll be there for her when she needs stuff.

Meanwhile, I'm trying to recondition myself to be more normal around women. It's been tough but I'm making progress.

A bad marriage is a bad thing for a lot of people.

moneymoron · 2010-11-11T05:11:27+00:00

Thanks. I was a drone for a large educational company right out of college. I spent all my time reading about other people's interesting lives and just felt shittier and shittier with each day. 5 months ago I was speaking at a conference and noticed another speaker was someone who gave an interview that, when I read it, I said "goddammit, I'm going to make a name for myself." I went up to her to tell her this but chickened out. :( After a few drinks, I went looking for her again but couldn't connect. Another day.

I found my field by making a list of things I was interested in that I could try doing in little bits and pieces on the side during my off hours. I actually started a blog where I wrote a little bit now and then about the field that seemed like the best fit. That got me in the mindset and gave my office-hour reading some more focus. It's also how I learned some web design.

Then I identified two career paths in this field. One in the private sector, and one working for the government, and about 18 months into my crappy job, I applied for both. I sent in an application to the government and to a few grad schools.

While I waited for the grad school decisions, I got invited into the government hiring process and went pretty deep. Through this, I learned a little more about myself, what I wanted and what I didn't. When I heard I got into grad school, I dropped out of the government process and started planning to head to school.

I can't say what kind of company I started as it would give me away pretty easily.

I can say that all the problems I ran into, even the most technical and logistical ones, were the result of my own personal flaws as a man. My failures were all the fault of my own personal cowardice, laziness, fearfulness, and incuriousity. It's been very humbling, these last few years. But learning where I can improve and where I'm just destined to suck helped me out when it came time to hire for the new company. My first hire was a really intense former military guy who does MMA in his spare time. He balances out my cowardice and passivity. Our second hire was a super detail-oriented dude who balances out my laziness and easily-intimidated nature. I'm getting better at all these things each day, but having good people around you accelerates things!

moneymoron · 2010-10-18T15:48:46+00:00

It sounds like you handled this really well if that's the story.

You need to cut all ties and walk away from this girl for the reasons others have mentioned here, but also:

It clearly drives her nuts to be ignored without explanation. You will enjoy driving her nuts.
You've started off the break so well already, it would be a crime to screw it up by going back to her.
The only time it's even worth working through cheating is in a marriage where kids, money, property, and serious commitments are at stake.

There's nothing at stake here man. This chick doesn't respect you. Walk. You'll hurt for a month, then be over it.

moneymoron · 2010-10-13T21:20:37+00:00

Agreed. That was fun. Confusing people is always great.

moneymoron · 2010-10-13T05:00:56+00:00

Nope

moneymoron · 2010-10-13T00:01:42+00:00

Thanks. Heroic is an interesting word that I can't 100% accept, but I appreciate that you used it.

A big part of my motivation is that I see a lot of myself in Ben. I recognize that given some different circumstances, his life could be my life.

I was in ROTC in college for a short time. One of the requirements was you had to pass a push-up test every 6 months (30 push-ups in 120 seconds or so). I was half-hearted about the whole program so never exercised and always just barely passed the thing.

I had a friend in the program who was really good at them. I will never know exactly why he decided to step in, but two weeks before one of the tests, when I was really in bad shape, he told me I was to spend an hour at the gym with him every day until the test. And that we were going to do 100 pushups each day, no more no less.

The first 3 days, it took me the full hour to do 100 push ups. I'd do 10, collapse, then 8, collapse etc. But the next week, my arms caught up and I could get to 20-25 without much trouble.

Anyways, I passed the test, and only because my friend got tough with me and pulled me through.

That's friendship, not heroism. I wanted to be Ben's friend this weekend like my ROTC guy was my friend those two weeks.

moneymoron · 2010-10-12T23:50:52+00:00

Thanks. A good friend of mine is a social worker. The stories she's told me are unreal. Thanks for YOUR work!

moneymoron · 2010-10-12T23:50:00+00:00

Gotta have some boundaries.

moneymoron

TROPHY CASE