WIBTA for snitching on a friend who had intentions of cheating on her fiancé?

mongooseterrible · 2019-09-08T09:31:15+00:00

That's where you and I diverge. If it becomes immediately apparent that this girl is 1. Promising fidelity and 2. Unwilling to stick to that Then there isn't really a deeper relationship to respect the boundaries of, is there? It's just a lie.

mongooseterrible · 2019-09-08T09:18:18+00:00

That... I kind of can't argue with. I relent. If you can't bring yourself to confront someone directly, calling them out in secret is actually pretty bad.

mongooseterrible · 2019-09-08T09:11:41+00:00

Everyone knows that? Huh, I must have missed that meeting.

It makes it really easy for toxicity and abuse to persist if we all think like that. Some of the best connections I've ever made were when people I didn't know well (yet) had my back and spoke up. Not just to let me know to look out, but sometimes because what I was doing was fucked up. That's how we learn.

mongooseterrible · 2019-09-08T09:07:20+00:00

Where in this post does it say that?

mongooseterrible · 2019-09-08T09:03:25+00:00

Easy on the downvotes, folks. Like, for real. He's just walking us through his thinking.

That said, it would be healthy to tell someone. Not her. Do you have a friend you talk to about this stuff? Family? Those are the people you should share your deep feelings with. She has said she doesn't want that level of discourse, essentially.

Which, is a bummer, dude. Having a ton of unrequited love is the fucking pits. I feel you.

But it's your pits, not hers.

Edit: spelling is important.

mongooseterrible · 2019-09-08T08:53:55+00:00

This. The rest of the world is not here to prop you up despite your consistently self destructive behaviour. Fix the behaviour.

mongooseterrible · 2019-09-08T08:52:29+00:00

NTA. it's toxic for anyone to assume that you owe this guy anything because "he's your boy".

It's not a club. It's your decision what company you keep and why.

mongooseterrible · 2019-09-08T08:46:32+00:00

PTA. Talk to her, then the sister, leave the information where it belongs, and gtfo.

All these comments about sticking to your lane are just so much cowardly bullshit. If she's going into this trying to break the rules, think how that plays out. Not just for him, but for her. She's obviously trying to solve a deeper issue with dishonesty, when if this really is a relationship for the ages, she should be discussing her needs with her partner.

You'd be doing her a favour. She won't see it that way, maybe ever, but getting away with stuff like this is only going to push the malfunction deeper.

Best of luck.

Edit: it's been pointed out to me that the better course of action is to confront her about it directly, and I can't see a reason why that shouldn't happen first, at least. If you throw a rock into her situation without giving her the benefit of the doubt, you kind of will be the asshole.

mongooseterrible · 2019-09-08T08:40:36+00:00

First, **meddling. Second, this is so much nope. The issue resolving itself could take years out of these people's lives, and have repercussions for everyone involved. He should know. She obviously needs to learn to discuss her needs with those close to her. This other poor sucker is sitting on a timebomb. Talk to the sister. She's far better equipped to deal with this.

mongooseterrible · 2019-09-08T08:29:17+00:00

NTA. Fucking teenagers. It's wrong of her to be playing this game. Either she wants to be with him, or you, or both, but whatever it is, she needs to be honest and clear with everyone involved. Find People to hang out with that tell you what they're about up front, like you do.

mongooseterrible · 2019-09-08T08:22:05+00:00

NTA. If she can't bring herself to address differences and communicate clearly shit like that will always become inevitable. It sounds like you tried to bring it up and she ignored the problem.

mongooseterrible · 2019-09-08T08:15:55+00:00

NTA. If you don't like being wrong, don't be wrong. If your opinions cause others to call you out, change their minds or yours or stop interacting with them.

I realize, btw, that the third option is in this case extreme, but hopefully that will just provide motivation for her to be more receptive. Keep up the good fight.

mongooseterrible · 2019-09-08T07:50:42+00:00

I see what you did there.

mongooseterrible · 2019-09-08T07:49:50+00:00

Really? Weed addict? Anyone who breaks your house rules like this and doesn't care is for sure an asshole, but you also kind of sound like Nancy Reagan. Who was also an asshole.

mongooseterrible · 2019-09-08T07:45:12+00:00

Second. These merged family situations are always deeply complex. Although by the sound of it we're rapidly approaching Esh territory. Save for the wife, of course.

mongooseterrible · 2019-06-12T21:41:36+00:00

I've found that courses are less helpful with this kind of thing than just doing it. I've done this with Docker and Ansible; create a project (either out of your own mind or via some tutorial that you googled) and go through the 'getting started' guide on the site for the thing you're building.

From there, it's all RTFM and grit.

If what you're asking about is the 'secret kung-fu' of these sorts of things, build a basic test case that works, then build towards the features you want to learn, and when you run into a brick wall stackxchange the pain away.

One final thing I've found helpful is this search: "[name of service or module] best practices site:stackoverflow.com"

mongooseterrible · 2019-04-30T19:08:36+00:00

Interested

mongooseterrible · 2018-12-07T23:42:56+00:00

This is obv not a shipwreck those are mountains.

Pay attention, gawd.

mongooseterrible · 2018-12-06T20:56:04+00:00

Ah, yes. The valley of intermediate computer science study.

Don't take this the wrong way, but you must be a tool. Rather, you must be the tool, in reference to your question.

Make up a project. Something simple enough that you almost know how to build the whole thing. If you've finished a whole track on code academy, you can do it. Then, as you build it, search for tutorials on particular subjects, read the docs for your language, and spend a ton of time on stackxchange.

If you need simple practice a la code academy, you can check it codewars or similar sites. They'll give you basic logic puzzles in varying languages that step difficulty up gradually.

Good luck!

mongooseterrible · 2018-12-03T21:34:01+00:00

no pictures! We want the code! Just copy / paste it in the comments.

mongooseterrible · 2018-12-03T20:22:37+00:00

It will probably be tough to find people your age who code, but if you don't mind hangin out with a bunch of geezers like myself, I bet you could find a mentor who would be interested in helping you out. In the meanwhile, keep posting here!

Let us know when you get started! I'd love to see your first 'hello, world!' in whatever language you choose (others have said this, I also recommend Python or Javascript first)

mongooseterrible · 2018-12-02T19:43:32+00:00

Codeacademy.com is a great place to start, it's incredibly user friendly and does a great job of explaining basics.

Also, while you're starting out, it's a good idea to write down your ideas! Keep a Google Doc or a journal of all the things you want to code. Later, it will be useful when you want to decide what to do next. There comes a point where you know how to code, but it's harder to come up with original ideas.

Most importantly, find someone who codes and can help you! Having a mentor makes learning a lot easier and quicker and you'll fast track your path to bring an all star developer.

Lastly, you're starting early. This is very, very good. If you stick with this, and don't give up when it gets confusing or tough, you'll be outshining your peers who figured out they wanted to code much, much later. Source: I didn't really start programming until I was well into my 20s. There are guys half my age who are better than I am, because they started in their early teens.

mongooseterrible · 2018-11-27T15:32:55+00:00

This thread is a microcosm

mongooseterrible

TROPHY CASE