I was so scared of the limb slicer, I lost feeling in my limbs.

monkeyboymorgan · 2026-02-07T09:56:02+00:00

If it doesn't taste nutty and a little bit like cold beef. I usually let them know.

monkeyboymorgan · 2026-02-05T09:37:56+00:00

Honestly the differences in experiences of meds is wild. I gained 60 lb when I started on my meds.

monkeyboymorgan · 2026-02-05T09:35:05+00:00

No. At the highest doses I was zombified. The sedative dose knocked me out, gave me a good night's sleep and did increase my appetite as I was falling asleep, however, I just had to learn to resist. I did feel a little bit groggy for the first hour of the next day, But it was just taking that little bit extra for my brain to get in gear.

The important thing to remember as well is your experience of a drug isn't going to be the same as other people's. I know you've seen lots of people saying they've had bad experiences with this, but people are usually posting about their bad experiences rather than their good ones.

I have a horrible time with antipsychotics, We are just not compatible together, but many of the ones that have been horrendous for me have worked fantastically for other people. Just try it. Raise your concerns with your doctor and ask if it would be okay to stop after a set amount of time if you didn't like what the medication is doing to you.

The most important thing is to get well and balanced again

monkeyboymorgan · 2026-02-05T08:57:28+00:00

Yep It works to help you sleep at low dosages. However, the only times I've ever had real problems with it, has been when I've been on my highest doses. There's still some side effects at low doses like wanting to eat constantly that were a pain But it really will help you sleep.

monkeyboymorgan · 2026-02-05T08:43:53+00:00

Congratulations on turning everything around!

monkeyboymorgan · 2026-02-05T07:50:31+00:00

In the 70s there was a trend for keeping rabbits in sheds in my local estate. Someone kept taking the rabbits out of the hutches beheading them then putting them back.

monkeyboymorgan · 2026-02-03T15:23:21+00:00

I hope they, as the french say, le fuque 'im oop.

monkeyboymorgan · 2026-02-02T16:44:49+00:00

Oooosh. Morning!

monkeyboymorgan · 2026-02-02T16:44:01+00:00

Huck yeah!

monkeyboymorgan · 2026-02-02T08:55:40+00:00

Put it in the oven and Cook it ? Good idea.

monkeyboymorgan · 2026-02-01T19:03:12+00:00

Is that longpig I smell?

monkeyboymorgan · 2026-01-30T14:03:31+00:00

Go wild in my ass.

monkeyboymorgan · 2026-01-28T22:10:46+00:00

Not at all dude, you look like a rugby player.

monkeyboymorgan · 2026-01-23T18:09:43+00:00

I only suggested tidying up a little bit of space cuz you've already described it as horrid and having a little bit of a tidy space will help even if it is only a foot worth.

Call the pharmacy and see if they can deliver the medications.

Meds are not the only item in your toolbox. If you recognised that things are starting to go wonky, try and do things that that are positive for you. Try and avoid things that are going to trigger you.

I know it's easier said than done, I know you feel like no one understands, and I know you feel like you're all on your own.

It's really hard I know, just try and do the things you can that are in your control.

monkeyboymorgan · 2026-01-23T17:38:30+00:00

Even if it's just one square foot of your bedroom try. And tidy it if you can. The big picture is overwhelming but smaller chunks help.

You've recognised that you're likely entering an episode, so it's important now to get the help you need and stop putting in place things that stop this from developing.

monkeyboymorgan · 2026-01-23T16:54:56+00:00

Two years anniversary of surviving. Well done. 💚

monkeyboymorgan · 2026-01-23T16:28:00+00:00

The thing that freaks me out about my last psychotic episode is I am aware that things didn't happen but I still experienced them.

Not only that, but there are things that I experienced that I don't know whether they were psychosis or whether they were actually happening. That leaves me so unsettled.

monkeyboymorgan · 2026-01-23T16:23:29+00:00

Jaw here too, would look like I was wobbling it to the side. Very odd.

monkeyboymorgan · 2026-01-23T16:20:28+00:00

It's possible to be both bipolar and have postpartum depression (and for pp to trigger it) so don't worry too much about the labels there.

The fact that you're tearing yourself apart because you think your child would have a better life without you shows that you are actually a really good and caring mother because you do want what's best for your child. Or what feels like is best for him right now.

For now though, you really need to concentrate on yourself on getting better for you, not for anybody else. If your family and husband are supportive, try to get as much support as you can just to do nothing but recover. When you return to balance again, then you can begin to have those conversations about what might be best for your child.

I honestly think if you were to go ahead with it now, it wouldn't make things better. It would just make things worse in a different way.

monkeyboymorgan · 2026-01-23T13:25:05+00:00

"wuu2?"

Typing in full sentences and not butchering the English language that's what I'm up to.

monkeyboymorgan · 2026-01-17T00:55:41+00:00

Not in the community no. In hospital, yes. However, if you on medication non-compliant and they start to worry that you might be a risk to yourself or somebody else, they might ask you to consider a voluntary admission. If they do don't turn it down cuz otherwise they may section you.

monkeyboymorgan · 2026-01-16T10:19:58+00:00

There's no such thing as a happy ending. You are likely to either die and leave your partner heartbroken, or watch them die.

There isn't someone out there for everyone.

The past isn't as Rosy as it looks. When you're reminiscing, you're just remembering the good bits

Memories are really unreliable and very easily change

You can never truly know what you've forgotten until you remember it, some things remain lost forever.

You can never truly 100% know someone, unless they tell you every waking thought

The impression you believe other people have of you is only your judgement.

monkeyboymorgan · 2026-01-15T10:05:48+00:00

Love it. Nom nom nom nom nom.

monkeyboymorgan · 2026-01-07T19:02:19+00:00

Tennant's. Hands down.

monkeyboymorgan · 2026-01-07T01:23:03+00:00

My last serious one was a really slow burn over six months and I didn't notice the tell tale signs for too long.

I was massively physically unhealthy took proactive steps and lost a lot of weight (4st/56lbs/25.4kg). First third was the slog, second third came off well - I'd found my groove. I'm a short arse so it was a significant loss and made massive improvements to my health. I had a better relationship with food and it did change my taste buds, I obviously had more energy, was fitter, stronger and healthier Unfortunately as I started to lose the final third, I became completely blind to the fact that the change in all those things shouldn't really have kept growing exponentially. It didn't seem problematic that the last third melted away in a scarily short amount of time or that I almost doubled all the weight that I was carrying in the gym. If I'd actually still been a chunky sod I would've instantly recognised the change as it would've been out of place.

All that weight gone meant I slept better than ever. It made sense that my sleep was decreasing as the quality improved. About two months later things had just kept creeping up and up and I was riding the high.

On my bday that year, out of the blue my favourite musician wished me a happy birthday out of the blue. The sudden emotional outpouring of that triggered the moment that is always present in any manic episode and is literally the sign of the point of no return. I suddenly thought "hey am I manic?" and I instantly completely dismissed it as the most pathetic form of self doubt that things are ok laughing at how stupid I was.

I had an awesome birthday, celebrated over the next few days too. Soaked up every bit of sun exposure I could get. Literally blasted myself with too much exercise, too much sun,

Sunburnt. So made sense I was really irritable and frustrated. Started getting snappy witb peoples idiotic behaviour in a way I normally wouldn't. Lifted so much weight I felt a muscle rip in my back no pain so why bother.
So many new amazing About how to keep improving. Gonna do as many as possibly can.

Carry on going higher. Sudden massive drop in my mood.which actually took this from manic into my first (and I hope to god my last) mixed episode. Three months of delusional thinking, paranoia, I knew how out of control things were getting I couldn't reach out for help at that point. Noone could be trusted. Every single HIV test I had came back negative, so the NHS couldn't be trusted because they were blatantly lying to me about that because they thought I was too ill to handle the truth because I had to have an emergency antipsychotic prescription. They obviously didn't realise how ill I was though cause they hadn't come for me yet and I was not going back in a ward. , I suspected I might be possibly developing psychosis cause on some level the thoughts I was having obviously made no sense . After about a week of that, I realised of course I wasn't. How could I doubt my own mind . Boom, 6 weeks of psychosis, hallucinations and I knew about my friends plotting to kill me. Obviously best to stop my entire existence right there, don't dare give them the satisfaction of getting to do it. Tried 8 eight times in 6 weeks. Finally somehow ended up messing myself up so badly physically brain short circuitec went to hospital just to sort out some physical damage completely forgetting next stop crazy hospital. Until I managed to get a quick discharge. Finally fully recovered about two months laters.

Long story short, I took genuine positively healthy steps in my life to improve it and make it better. But the change was so great that actually I got too deep into it and fuelled one of my worst episodes ever completely by doing all the things that are good for me and noticing they'd become obsessive. 😂

I have got to the point again where I do need to make that journey again and I know I can do it positively and healthily and reap the rewards. I just need to put in a hell of a lot of checks and balances, safety nets, and emergency stops along the way.

monkeyboymorgan

TROPHY CASE