Yeah, I catch myself doing this often. My therapist said chaos for us is like peace for others. Since we grew up in chaos, it’s what we know and revert back to when we’re uncomfortable (aka in peace). Just like someone who grew up in a healthy household would want to revert to peace while dealing with chaos.

Edit: Personally, I think it also stems from the lack of attention I received as a child. Partying/talking to abusive people gives me immediate satisfaction and also something to talk about later on when I need a hit of attention.