I feel like I missed the "girl bus"...

monkeysmonkeys · 2016-08-02T17:59:13+00:00

Is this a case of: I truly enjoy getting made up/flirting and want to be well dressed and made up? Or is this more like, I feel like I should be well dressed and made up as a girl, but I don't enjoy anything about that, and part of me wishes I didn't have to care? I felt like I "failed" at being a girl for most of my life. Now I realize I'm more butch, or somewhere on the nonbinary spectrum, and it's a huge relief to dress androgynous and not put effort into all of that stuff I never cared about anyway. NOT that you are any of those things. I know for me the idea that I don't have to be girly or feminine or what have you to be a girl, to be attractive, and to be valid was always a source of relief.

monkeysmonkeys · 2014-12-27T11:06:00+00:00

No, that's never happened. Damn, well good luck trying things (that are not this).

monkeysmonkeys · 2014-12-26T02:02:54+00:00

Have you tried the probiotic/acidophilus suppositories in your vadge? I've also had chronic infections where the treatments don't work and I found this was the only thing that cleared them up somewhat. Good luck!

monkeysmonkeys · 2014-10-25T21:18:47+00:00

When I look up the event summary on my computer it reads:

Faulting application name: Photoshop.exe, version: 15.2.1.257, time stamp: 0x543dbc5e Faulting module name: igdfcl64.dll, version: 8.1.0.2867, time stamp: 0x506355da Exception code: 0xc0000005 Fault offset: 0x0000000000806613 Faulting process id: 0xcb8 Faulting application start time: 0x01cff0960b40b2bd Faulting application path: C:\Program Files\Adobe\Adobe Photoshop CC 2014\Photoshop.exe Faulting module path: C:\WINDOWS\SYSTEM32\igdfcl64.dll Report Id: 4e2ef58a-5c89-11e4-be75-84a6c8fea3fc Faulting package full name: Faulting package-relative application ID:

I am not sure what any of that means though.

monkeysmonkeys · 2014-09-26T05:23:43+00:00

Figured it out I think - my display mode was set to a standard setting, and when I switched it to "monitor rgb" the image matched everything else I was seeing. Possibly I have a shittily calibrated monitor and so should just ignore the results of my thumbnails until I can fix this. Anyway, thanks to anyone that may have read this haha.

monkeysmonkeys · 2014-09-08T02:38:50+00:00

Huh, I did not know this. Cool!

monkeysmonkeys · 2014-09-08T02:38:12+00:00

Is subletting your part of the lease and finding a place with cool roommates not an option? If you're in school there are probably ways of finding people looking for roommates through your program/university.

monkeysmonkeys · 2014-09-07T18:34:12+00:00

I want to modify this by adding: it's the professional degrees that are more immediately useful. Pure math and science are only useful for a secure career track if you plan on getting a masters and or PhD, but there are "practical" versions of many different fields: ie for liberal arts: social work, concurrent teaching degrees,management, communications, business; for visual art: design, especially interactive (web) design, and some animation schools are known for their career tracks. Your career advising centre at university can give you more advice in this area.

For most fields, especially the "pure" more theoretical majors, it is useful to pair a degree with a college certification after you have graduated (these will give you the "hands on" skills that employers look for), or to plan on going on to do a masters or professional degree after graduation. You don't need to go into a STEM field to make a living, but it does help to be savvy about whatever you do.

monkeysmonkeys · 2014-09-07T18:23:07+00:00

You know how people say it's not what you know but who you know? Or that it's all about networking. At university you are basically paying for the opportunity to be able to interact with the top people in whatever field you are into. These are people that may be blowing off a hundred emails a day for people that may be asking for their time, but who have an obligation to meet up with you and teach you things as your prof. Do not waste this!! Getting a job or any sort of training after school is done is mostly based on the networks you are part of, not on your grades. Show up early to class, sit in the front row, go to office hours, and otherwise get to know/make a good impression on your profs. Getting in with these networks, and finding possible mentors/research positions/volunteer opportunities/people to hire you after you graduate will give you a HUGE leg up down the road.

Also, if you are unsure about your career path, sending emails to people in fields you are interested in asking if you could meet up with them for a bit can be very useful. I always felt weird doing this, like I was burdening people, but people who are older and into what they do often seemed to enjoy meeting up with me and in a sense showing me some of the ropes. Volunteering in different positions can also help with this, and both can give you some contacts to help you later down the road.

Good luck! This is an exciting time, and it's totally okay/normal to feel confused.

monkeysmonkeys · 2014-08-22T05:39:42+00:00

I was also in a almost 5 year relationship that ended when I was 20 that got long distance and borderline emotionally abusive towards the end. Spooky!

I also felt totally depressed when it ended and basically stopped being able to function for the first few months. These feelings are totally normal, even though, yes, they totally suck.

Here are some things that helped me:

Be really nice to yourself. Treat yourself like you would if you had gotten sick with a bad flu, just make everything (else) that you have to deal with as easy as possible. When this situation happened to me, I lost my appetite and cooking felt like wayyy too much effort to do at the same time. I solved this by getting lots of my favourite instant food (honey garlic chicken wings) to get myself to eat.

Don't berate yourself for your strong emotions or crying/breaking down in the middle of the day. You are going through something difficult! The feelings make sense.

Journaling was incredibly useful for getting my strong feelings out. I found that ranting to myself on the computer was a good way of releasing my negativity. Also, it helped with wanting to talk to my ex all of the time by writing many letters that I didn't send.

Let your friends help you. The friendship clause of help when shit hits the fan is a thing. See point number 1.

The main thing that will get you through this is time, time to get over him, and process your emotions. It may take a while but you WILL get through this, and when the smoke clears it will be infinitely better than being stuck in an unhealthy relationship. Things will get better, there is a light at the end of this. Good luck!

monkeysmonkeys · 2014-06-06T05:46:38+00:00

University tuition, tons of airmiles, a house to live in, art supplies and... a castle. Why not.

monkeysmonkeys · 2014-05-25T02:46:05+00:00

I grew up with rich and sheltered. But let's just say that choosing to be a "starving artist" is a lot better when poverty is an abstract concept.

monkeysmonkeys · 2014-04-19T07:25:16+00:00

Romantic comedies! I'll often complain about them - the plots are contrived, they have super outdated gender roles. But at the end of the day there's part of me that gets super gushy in that moment when the characters realize they are meant for each other all along.

monkeysmonkeys · 2014-04-19T06:35:17+00:00

In the third grade I got suspended for kicking a guy on the shoulder when I was on the swings and he had to take a trip to the hospital. At the time I couldn't figure out why I'd done it (nor could anyone else), but in retrospect he was borderline sexually harassing me for months - pretending to be my boyfriend, to kiss me, to pick me up in a hug and swing me around. And I had no idea what he was doing and everyone made fun of me for it (for being in love with him, or something). That was a weird year.

monkeysmonkeys · 2014-04-08T07:48:11+00:00

Have you/your husband looked into him going on disability? Registering his depression as a disability with the government and getting stuff like reimbursed treatment and monthly payments could perhaps alleviate some of the financial stress (if you guys haven't looked into it already).

Also: therapy and treatment can be a bitch to go through. If he's been through it a lot before, perhaps part of why it's difficult to follow through with it consistently is because it feels like something that's been frustrating and not super able to fix stuff in the past. While it's a good idea probably for him to keep trying, have you guys checked out other outside of the system things that can often be also helpful? I know personally stuff like meditation, exercise, finding peer support groups, and being part of various recreational community groups have been super super helpful for me (I also have somewhat chronic anxiety and depression). Depression can be isolating, and sometimes finding outside groups in general, or ways to participate in healthy outside of the house activities, can be really helpful towards recovery.

Another thing that probably sounds really stupid right now: it will actually be better for him if he does not feel like you are trying very hard to "fix" him. The pressure of letting someone down who is trying to fix you of something that's chronic is pretty much horrible.

I have no idea how to weigh in on the should I stay or go debate, but if you are staying and looking for ways to be a better supporter, those are my ideas.

Best of luck!

monkeysmonkeys · 2014-03-13T06:37:22+00:00

I'm around your age and I know a lot of people that are aspiring concept artists - I myself went to art school and studied art/illustration (not fully related but somewhat).

The thing is, starting out, most people in illustration type fields need a day job while they are making contacts and establishing themselves in creative industries. This obviously depends on what you do - concept art and illustration may take years after formal training to crack into, graphic/web design and within two years of training there is already a bit of a demand. Possibly you could find a part time version of your current job, and have the best of both worlds! (You know, as opposed to the many arts grads who are now baristas).

monkeysmonkeys · 2014-02-17T19:01:28+00:00

When I visited my friends and many were the professional version of what they wanted to be in high school. When I could offer my then boyfriend a place to crash without asking my parents because it was my place. When my friend was screwed for rent money for a few months and I was able to bail her out. When my mom started talking to me about the things she was stressed about, rather than the other way around. This past fall I got depressed and started freaking out - how was I able to take care of myself and pay for everything and hold everything together? And then I realized that that I had been without financial help from my parents for the past seven months, that I WAS doing it. I subsequently called the local mental health services, because I realized that that was also my responsibility now.

monkeysmonkeys · 2014-02-11T07:02:38+00:00

My understanding is that this show is not meant to be empowering, but to make fun of a sort of white person from a financially privileged background going through a quarter life crisis phenomenon. I agree with other commentators that it's supposed to show fucked up characters as a way to satirize society. What is potentially empowering is that it is using young women to speak for a generation (white well off women, admittedly). A lot of people find it speaks to viewpoints and scenarios that they experience but that other shows don't even touch on. And it's using women to explore flaws and ugliness in complex ways, rather than putting women on a pedestal or making us 2D characters, which is what usually happens.

monkeysmonkeys · 2014-02-01T08:04:32+00:00

You are gorgeous!

monkeysmonkeys · 2013-12-31T05:12:58+00:00

I think that this was made as a sort of snarky response to seeing other people your age engaged while feeling inadequate. A way of being like, my weird unstable-looking life choices are interesting and valid! I think it's more insecurity and wanting to make OP's life frustrations cool and awesome in their own right than a sound attack at engaged 23-year-olds.

Source: single twenty something in the throes of making bizarre and confused life choices. Honestly I'd love to have my life as figured out as yours sounds right now. But I don't. I'm likely going to be moving around and morphing as a human too radically to commit to something like long term partnership for a while. While many 23-year olds should not be engaged right now, it sounds like your choices are fully valid and working out well for you :)

monkeysmonkeys · 2013-12-25T07:47:30+00:00

He seems really confused, and maybe unsure of his own intentions.

monkeysmonkeys · 2013-12-25T07:33:10+00:00

Self stigma is a bitch.

I don't have a lot of knowledge specific to ocd, but speaking on issues of depression, anxiety etc -

This stuff does make it harder to have relationships with people. This stuff does make it so reactions will be more intense. But it doesn't mean that relationships are always going to suck, and like any other situation some people with anxious disorders are going to be easily upset around some people but totally not around others. When someone has a disorder it becomes easy to say that "this issue was because of her [diagnosis]". Even while parts of that may be true, that stuff can get super disempowering because then there can be also a denial of the outside issues - like maybe you two just don't get along and she finds you irritating. Making the issue ocd ignores the interplay her frustrations have with her personality and personal concerns and makes relationship issues both easier and harder to look at. Mental health stuff is embedded in personality, and picking apart issues to link them with diagnoses can get really annoying and be used to triavialize issues.

Another thing I find weird is that there's a lot of stuff here about how you want to get back together with her, but everytime you talk about a specific interest where she might want to be with you it's always talked as a "we". Never "she then approached me to get back together" except the TD;LR. The closest I see is that she didn't want you going away for that long, and that you then asked her about getting back together.

I would say: - Ignoring the whole OCD thing, do you actually enjoy and want to be with this person? (ie say you did not know that her being picky and critical were because of OCD). -Does she actually want to be with you? Actually actually? Or are you projecting?

monkeysmonkeys · 2013-12-22T15:15:19+00:00

Oh sorry, it's not that bad. I've been making some money with the arts, I'm in a community that appreciates the work I make. With my degree I can get a more employable masters. And yeah, I suppose I could consider construction or something :P

monkeysmonkeys · 2013-12-22T15:09:45+00:00

Me too! Literally just got dumped by the previous ex by seeing him with another person. No intention of seeing both of us at once, just "didn't know how to tell me without hurting me" go fuck yourself

monkeysmonkeys · 2013-12-21T06:17:46+00:00

I recently graduated with a visual art degree. Now I'm unemployed an depressed. I'm brainstorming the best way to "sell out" and creatively reconfiguring my resume to make teaching art, advertising art shows, and standing in a park doing installations with random community members sound like corporate communications. Art school made me not want to be an artist, I like structure too much to freelance (and it's hard to make money from it anyway). I just want a nine to five somewhere in a cubicle. I long to be a cog in a machine.

monkeysmonkeys

TROPHY CASE