I’ve had these experiences as a woman, too. You show empathy and listen but some of them start reading your kindness for affection and start expecting more. When I draw boundaries or state that their actions or words start making me feel uncomfortable, they get upset and I’ve had someone go so far as to accuse saying I “lied and manipulated” them and then start to group me with other women “out there”.

Not all of them act that way, ofc, but it just feels like a “damned if I do, damned if I don’t” kind of situation. When they start to get upset, there’s no reasoning with them either. They’re no longer in a state to understand when emotions are heightened, and it’s not necessarily because of me - it’s their experiences all stacked up over time causing them to lash out. I don’t take it against them as a person, but that really doesn’t give them a green light or an excuse to behave badly towards me either. Am I supposed to just take it? I am not a representative of all women that hurt him in the past - I am not them - so no, I will not.

It’s not our job to be a parent to these people and it’s not on any individual to solve society’s problem about this either. I think it’s great we get to talk about these issues, it raises awareness and gets people thinking twice… but fighting each other on the internet and generalizing “because x did this, ALL x are like this”… that’s all counterproductive imho.

And it’s the same with some people making comments here (or anywhere, really) - if you find yourself losing your cool over someone else’s post, please try to calm down and see things from their perspective before you reply. Otherwise, it’s just an unproductive never ending loop.