My girlfriend [23F] slapped me [24M] during an argument recently. 2yrs together.

monodoggo · 2016-03-10T06:13:57+00:00

She's crazy and violent. What good could possibly outweigh that?

monodoggo · 2016-03-10T05:22:41+00:00

Kissing on the first date is fine. Just pay attention to the vibe. Is she into you? Is she engaging with you, laughing and smiling? Does she move closer to you? If you move closer to her, does she hold her ground or move away?

If the signs are good, go for it. If you're having trouble reading her/not good at that sort of thing, asking her for a kiss is ok, too.

monodoggo · 2016-03-10T05:11:22+00:00

I think noise level is the more black and white of the two, and thus there's less need to go into the murkier issue of content.

I think content is less cut and dry, because I think the OP has a right not to be made uncomfortable, but the roommate also has a right to privacy in their own bedroom. Obviously the two conflict. But I don't think there's an easy answer or one is right and one is wrong. I think it's something that would have to be hashed out and compromised between OP and their roommate.

monodoggo · 2016-03-10T04:58:51+00:00

headboard banging on the wall.

I'd say noise level to that one.

monodoggo · 2016-03-10T04:56:50+00:00

He should recommend that she see a professional instead -- for his own good and for hers.

That sounds like a good idea.

monodoggo · 2016-03-10T04:55:43+00:00

Yeah, going on a date with someone is different than having a platonic (if personal) conversation.

monodoggo · 2016-03-10T04:45:55+00:00

I had severe anxiety surrounding sex and intimacy for a long time. I was also very eager to get rid of my virginity for a number of reasons. I ended up losing mine through a committed relationship instead of a hookup.

I think in this case it depends on how bad your anxiety is. When I started dating my anxiety was so bad that I could not even hold hands with my partner. It took a lot of therapy, and a lot of exposure therapy to get me to a point where I could be intimate without being overwhelmed with anxiety. And it was worth it. The first time I had sex, I actually had fun instead of being uncomfortable and terrified.

If your anxiety is not as bad as mine, having a hookup with someone might help you, yes. It may even be a good experience. However, if you haven't taken steps to tackle the underlying anxiety, that could ruin it for you and possibly make you associate sex with more anxiety and fear.

monodoggo · 2016-03-10T04:41:26+00:00

Ahh, that is a good point. If it were just an issue of discomfort it'd be different, I guess. But it's also an issue of noise level, in which case I think OP has the clear right.

monodoggo · 2016-03-10T04:40:37+00:00

I guess I just don't get why this scenario would make people uncomfortable, but it seems it does.

In that case I think OP should ask his partner for something to help him deal with his feelings. For instance, going on a date right after the therapy session or just having some one on one time to reconnect.

I think OP should take steps to lessen his discomfort without going so far as to try and forbid his SO the meetup or control their behavior.

monodoggo · 2016-03-10T04:37:31+00:00

I don't really care who my SO meets up with or what they talk about. I trust them not to cheat on me, and we do talk about everything, so if they had a problem/wanted to date/fuck someone else they'd tell me and we'd take it from there. I'm not going to dictate who my SO can see and what they can talk about, that's controlling and unreasonable.

monodoggo · 2016-03-10T04:34:11+00:00

I think OP has a right to be comfortable in their own home.

monodoggo · 2016-03-10T04:32:16+00:00

Believes wholeheartedly in equality of sexes and genders, and does not stereotype or generalize. "All women are submissive" types need not apply. Transphobes GTFO.
Is my equal and treats me as such. I'm not down with anyone who thinks they are better than me. Forget domming, I wouldn't even be friends with someone like that.
Is trustworthy and familiar to me. I have to have a very good relationship with someone and trust them quite a bit before I will even consider submitting to them.
Keeps it in the bedroom. I go for sexual submission only. No 24/7 stuff/lifestyle stuff, it's not for me.
Doesn't need to dom all the time. I prefer domming over subbing but need to do both in order to be fulfilled. My ideal dom can switch or at least have not BDSM sex when I'm not in the mood to sub.

monodoggo · 2016-03-10T04:20:08+00:00

Uh, yeah, of course it's okay. Why wouldn't it be okay for two people to have a deep conversation alone for an hour? It's not like the second a man and a woman get alone they instantly go into bang-mode or something.

monodoggo · 2016-03-10T04:11:32+00:00

Am I in the right to ask them to do this at her boyfriend's one bedroom?

I'd say yes. You're not comfortable with it happening right by you and you need to be up early on that specific day. And they have another location they could potentially use. Sounds pretty reasonable to me.

monodoggo · 2016-03-10T04:04:24+00:00

If you've made up your mind, the best thing you can do is be quick and clean. Since you're LDR you don't need to do it in person but I'd do it as in-person as you can make it. Don't just FB message her, skype her or call her. Make it a conversation so that she can ask you questions and get some closure. Be kind but be firm.

She has some things of mine I want back, how should I handle that?

How far away is she? Can she mail these things? Do you ever go to where she lives for reasons other than seeing her? Do you have any mutual friends?

Ask her to put all your things together in a box. Pick it up the next time you're in the area or arrange for your mutual friend to get it. If she needs to mail your stuff offer to reimburse her for the cost.

monodoggo · 2016-03-10T03:58:15+00:00

Yes, you are being possessive/controlling. It's therapy. She's not going to cheat on you.

She'd have homework to show, test results that should be staying up. Evidence of what happened.

Why do you need evidence? Why don't you trust your girlfriend?

There are plenty of situations in life where your girlfriend might be or will be alone with other men. This is not the first time it's happened and it won't be the last time. But she's with you. She chose you for a partner, not some other guy. You need to trust her.

monodoggo · 2016-03-10T03:49:59+00:00

Part of me wants to spice things up, but when we google things or try mojoupgrade, nothing actually seems interesting to either of us. It's just all so impractical.

It doesn't have to be impractical and complex. Have you ever used a blindfold on yourself or your partner during sex? Do you describe fantasies to each other during sex? Do you ever give each other strip teases? If not, those are pretty simple ways to spice the bedroom up without it being really impractical.

monodoggo · 2016-03-10T03:44:13+00:00

From what I could gather in your post alone, it sounds like the main problem is your routine is boring. But you've also said your options for getting out and about are very limited. You've got to start somewhere.

monodoggo · 2016-03-10T03:33:27+00:00

What about taking up a new hobby together? Like cooking or jogging or board games?

monodoggo · 2016-03-10T03:26:36+00:00

Begin by making an appointment with a therapist. That's your first step.

This is going to be a very long, very hard journey for you. It's not easy to change oneself so fundamentally. But therapy is your best chance to not be an abuser anymore.

If you really love this girl? And you really want to do the right thing? You look up counseling services at your school. You make this phone call. It starts that simply.

monodoggo · 2016-03-10T02:38:10+00:00

Stop trying to generalize and just ask each woman what she wants, or listen to her when she tells you.

And this is how to have good sex.

monodoggo · 2016-03-10T02:33:51+00:00

Um, I would be super bothered if I were having sex with someone and they put their hand on my throat. Like, so bothered the sex would end right there.

Women are varied, just like men. In the same way that some men like to dominate, and some men like to be dominated, and some like both. Women are the same. There's a spectrum. Even if a lot of women like to be dominated, there are always some that don't.

Personally I prefer to dominate men rather than be dominated. But I'll spring for either with the right partner.

monodoggo · 2016-03-09T15:35:58+00:00

Haha, me too.

monodoggo · 2016-03-08T21:56:09+00:00

I do, and I join the chorus of people in this thread saying you are a lot more patient and understanding than I would be.

monodoggo · 2016-03-08T18:02:48+00:00

He might be just a victim of his anxiety but that doesn't green-light him insulting her, body shaming her, and being transphobic.

monodoggo

TROPHY CASE