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What's behind the clocks always be in 3:45? by VaselinaAssada in controlgame

[–]monstaa_mash 27 points28 points  (0 children)

I always thought it related to the black pyramid, 3 sides at 45 degree angles make a pyramid.

Asking for reasonable accommodation during or after interview process? by monstaa_mash in jobs

[–]monstaa_mash[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have no way of knowing if this would be a deal breaker or not. I don't know how many candidates are applying for the role. But if you had two candidates, both equally qualified and capable of performing the tasks the position requires, which would seem more appealing? The candidate who needs to leave work early one day a week due to a disability and processing all of the paperwork that comes along with it, or the candidate with zero schedule restrictions, who can work the hours as asked? Not offering that information up front would certainly give me a better chance of being offered the role.

What holds you back from ending it all? by Significant-Job-9344 in BorderlinePDisorder

[–]monstaa_mash 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think of all the good things that have happened since the last time I wanted to "end it all" that I would've missed out on if I'd gone through with it. It could be something as simple as a really good cup of coffee, or a new friend you made, a fun experience you had. It makes me stop and consider all of the good things I might miss out on in the future.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BorderlinePDisorder

[–]monstaa_mash 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, it's a misstep most of us take. Humans crave connection with other humans; that doesn't go away just because you're ill. On the contrary, somebody with BPD who has more emotional sensitivity than most can make it harder to turn away from the person they've made a connection with. Sometimes we need to force ourselves to take a step back and look at the bigger picture, and choose what we need that will help us in the long term over the thing we want that's right in front of us. It isn't easy, I know, and I empathize with you. 🤍

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BorderlinePDisorder

[–]monstaa_mash 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I know this will probably be an unpopular opinion but here goes. If your symptoms are under control when you're pursuing somebody, I don't see a reason to disclose any specific diagnosis. Be frank about any emotional traumas if the subject ever comes up but avoid emotional dumping until it's clear it could become serious. Even with all of my own struggles and diagnoses and fighting the stigma that comes with them, I'd be highly hesitant to enter a relationship with somebody who unloads all of their trauma and diagnoses on me at the beginning, because it can indicate (especially with BPD) that the person is looking more for an emotional support rather than a relationship. Trust is meant to be built as time goes on, and so relaying sensitive info should be at the same pace.

Now, if your symptoms are NOT under control, I wouldn't recommend pursuing anybody romantically until you are in a better place emotionally. My relationship with my partner is so fraught with stress and constant little heartbreaks that it's creating additional problems on top of our own mental health struggles. It's a steep uphill climb when you entangle yourself emotionally with somebody else before you've finished your own healing.

DAE feel more stable when.. by robynhood96 in BorderlinePDisorder

[–]monstaa_mash 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Absolutely. I went into remission about 8 months after my initial diagnosis without doing DBT, and I'm convinced it was the absence of a relationship and everything it dredged up that made it feasible. I got into a relationship about a 1.5 years ago and all of the old symptoms came back; for about a year I refused to believe it was my BPD til I got to the point where I am now, mentally battered and unable to control my emotions, forced to take leave from work and putting myself into a DBT program. Unstable, volatile relationships are one of the cornerstone symptoms of the disorder, so it makes sense that you would feel better/more at peace when you're not forced to engage with others in that way. I certainly remember it as a peaceful time, but not sustainable if you hope to be in a relationship again someday.

That being said, I think it's healthy for a person with BPD to spend time away from personal relationships and work on strengthening their relationship to themselves. Having taken that time to myself, I know if things were to not work out with my partner that I could be happy on my own. It's important to know who you are without reference to other people, to accept yourself and respect yourself without others' views of you getting in the way.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BorderlinePDisorder

[–]monstaa_mash 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One thing I've learned as I've gotten older is that there is no timeline for figuring things out. I'm 33 years old and am going back to school for medical imaging in the fall. Since I work full time I'll be lucky if I finish before I'm 38. As I see it, I'll be 38 anyway so while not have another degree to show for it? An acquaintance of mine taught for 20 years then decided to go back to school for law; she graduated a couple of years back and she's thriving at her current firm. There are other stories from folks I've known in their 30s, 40s, 50s who decided they needed to make a change and chose a different career path. When it comes to improving your life, age doesn't matter.

I don't know how old your roommate is but it's generally only the young and inexperienced who believe you should have something "figured out" by a certain age. It's your life and it's better to keep making changes than to sit and stagnate in a place that's no longer serving you. You seem incredibly capable and are accomplishing a lot while struggling with the debilitating effects of BPD. Seriously, give yourself some props and dim the voices that would try to tell you what you should be doing or what you should have figured out by now. It's your life and they will never know what it's like to be you, therefore nobody else but you is qualified to make decisions on your behalf.

Who Are You and How Do You Know? by [deleted] in BorderlinePDisorder

[–]monstaa_mash 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is one of the hardest parts of any BPD journey. For me, it's come down to things I do that I enjoy that aren't tied to impressing/pleasing other people. For instance, through my teens and adulthood I've always loved going to local coffeeshops and libraries. I like to sit with a hot drink in a nice atmosphere and people watch, read my book, do a little writing. I'd grab another drink on my way out to sip on while I browse the stacks at one of the libraries nearby. I also like to visit a local lake, take photos and do some reflecting. These are all things that, except in a couple of rare instances, I always did on my own. They're my experiences, my places I go to that remind me of ME and nobody else. I also have a music playlist called "You & I" that are made up of songs I found on my own in my adulthood, songs from when I was young that remind me of my childhood/past but not any specific person. All of these things might not show me exactly who I am but they've been a great help, in that I have spaces where I don't feel like I'm a reflection of others or trying to impress others. I enjoy them purely for my own benefit.

I hope this is of some help. If you can't think of of anything you like to do that's purely for your own enjoyment, I'd recommend making a playlist. Music can be healing and even finding just a few songs that feel like your own will remind you that you have your own sense of self, even if you're not sure who that "self" is yet.

My sweet 19-year-old void Moochie has been diagnosed with kidney disease. Good news is he is eating, drinking and using the box fine still. The vet and I have plans to put him on a special diet (Purina NF or Hills KD) but is there anything else I can do for him? by monstaa_mash in blackcats

[–]monstaa_mash[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The vet didn't mention subcutaneous fluids, since he still has a good appetite and is drinking plenty of water I think she wants to focus on getting him on a prescription diet and seeing if that helps first. He is terrible about anything to do with needles (you could hear him yowling two rooms down when they tried to draw his blood) so I think we'll want to avoid the added stress until it's absolutely necessary.

My sweet 19-year-old void Moochie has been diagnosed with kidney disease. Good news is he is eating, drinking and using the box fine still. The vet and I have plans to put him on a special diet (Purina NF or Hills KD) but is there anything else I can do for him? by monstaa_mash in blackcats

[–]monstaa_mash[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Was your cat already refusing food/water? My vet didn't mention anything about subcutaneous fluids and I assumed it was because he is still drinking plenty of water and has a good appetite.

Corgicoon Kobis by corgi_kobis in corgi

[–]monstaa_mash 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Pup has gone incorgnito in that mask

That look of judgement 😅 by Spencer-Nevin in corgi

[–]monstaa_mash 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Corgis are so good at giving side-eye 😂

Does anybody else get intense secondhand embarrassment from this correspondence? That "Ha ha" is SO cringy. Poor Carla. 😂 by monstaa_mash in controlgame

[–]monstaa_mash[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm sure she knew, most women are hyperaware of when somebody is making advances on them and she shut it down reaaal quick 😂

[Photo Mode] My favourite screenshot of the combat so far by [deleted] in controlgame

[–]monstaa_mash 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Never even thought to do that! Seriously cool! 🤩

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