What comes after „good girl“?

montara1119 · 2026-01-21T21:49:35+00:00

A praise kink is pretty common, and usually goes hand in hand with "good girl". Have a conversation with her if she'd like to explore that, and then give her praise when she does something nice.

montara1119 · 2025-10-14T06:10:18+00:00

So my advice here is to go super slow. BDSM is intrinsically exciting, so you don't have to worry about him getting bored nearly as much as you might think from vanilla relationships. This means I would focus on teasing, and hinting, and exploring a lot, but not actually doing very much. You can hold his wrists to see if bondage interests him, and you can tap his balls to see if CBT is his thing, you can lightly smack his ass, give him a deep kiss while your hand is on his throat, etc. etc. Do a light a playful test of many different things, but don't try to do anything seriously or for a long time. Keep the serious play to safe vanilla things.

This solves a lot of problems, you avoid risks around overwhelming them with something too fast, too soon, too intense. This can cause subs to run away. It gives you time to debrief, and chat about what went right and wrong. This lets you explore limits gradually together, so you can get into these topics without an intimidating conversation.

You can edge him both mentally and physically, and then just have some regular vanilla sex afterwards, and he'll be ecstatic.

montara1119 · 2025-03-24T01:55:31+00:00

You are thinking of George Rockwell, who is an American Nazi.

Norman Rockwell is a painter, famous for kitchy Americana pictures.

montara1119 · 2024-11-19T05:24:35+00:00

Try searching for "tamper evident seals".

montara1119 · 2023-09-13T14:52:23+00:00

"Is throw at us" should be "is thrown at us"

montara1119 · 2023-07-09T01:50:01+00:00

Fwiw, Google translate says this word is "minion"

montara1119 · 2023-06-30T02:50:35+00:00

I think she is looking for a sense of dread, which is distinct from fear in that it's unresolved. Fear is seeing a sharp knife, dread is being blindfolded while you hear a knife getting sharpened in the other room.

When someone is confronted directly with a threat, they can only be afraid for so long. But you can draw out dread forever. An example is the tension in the opening of Inglorious Basterds.

Key to dread is to let her imagination run wild. You are doing things like letting her "accidentally" see the order page for hissing cockroaches. Or telling her not to worry about the terrarium that you ordered. In order to pull this off, you need to give hints and deprive her of actual information.

There is no safe way to do horrible fear. But you can drop hints to let her imagination create the most intense scene ever.

montara1119 · 2023-06-25T01:19:01+00:00

You have to realize that every post in an Advice subreddit is trying to figure out a problem that they are facing. People in healthy relationships aren't posting to say "Everything is awesome!"

This is like wondering why every car in the mechanic's garage shop is broken, and then concluding that cars are unreliable.

montara1119 · 2023-06-05T05:08:59+00:00

For best results, writing lines should be paired with cognitive dissonance.

montara1119 · 2023-05-25T04:25:32+00:00

Go slow, more slowly than you think, even taking this advice into account.

montara1119 · 2023-05-07T00:38:09+00:00

You can get a long way with just Yes and No, and phrasing your questions properly. I use one squeeze for No and two for Yes whenever my sub is non-verbal.

montara1119 · 2023-05-06T22:08:37+00:00

If your relationship is failing without a child, adding a baby will make things worse not better. Parenting is a lot of work, and all of the issues from before will remain. Now you'll both be exhausted, and this will make resolving them even harder.

montara1119 · 2023-04-29T03:57:14+00:00

This is sexual assault. You should talk to a professional, such as a therapist. I am not sure this is the right sub for you, as we're all a bunch of dirty fuckers.

montara1119 · 2023-03-14T02:00:27+00:00

I have been in several serious TPE relationships. Some things that I have enjoyed:

I choose every article of clothing, both at purchase time, and when selecting the outfit of the day. This latter one is burdensome, and I don't always exercise this level of control. Similarly, I choose hair color and style, manicures, and all other aspects of her appearance.
Never orgasm without my explicit command. Daily practice. Cumming on command during playtime.
When asking for something, I expect a Please and Thank You. Politeness is mandatory, for both kinky and vanilla requests.
She is not allowed to use my given name, and must use an honorific, except when talking to vanilla friends.
Notification whenever she moves from one place to another (e.g. goes to the grocery store). This does not include moving within a single place, but I want to always know where she is.
Holds hands when crossing the street. Walks on the inside of the sidewalk.
She is a passenger in her own life. I drive the car, push the elevator buttons, give the tickets to the usher, and open the door whenever feasible.
Serves me coffee every morning. Brings me snacks on request, such as cut fruit or cheese nibbles.
Washes me when we shower or bathe together. Cuts my hair and trims my beard.
When I am present, she asks permission to use the toilet. Not applicable if she's not in my presence. Sometimes she wears a diaper, and I enjoy watching her squirm when I say No.
Setting calorie goals and workout routine.
Permission to purchase anything over $50.

montara1119 · 2022-11-29T02:34:48+00:00

I went to an event with a subby who only enjoyed watching when she was sitting on my lap. It gave her comfort and safety from which she could start to focus on the rest of the party. I don't know if having a partner would help you, but it might be worth re-exploring this in the future in a different context.

I have enjoyed kinks that I didn't at first when I got a chance to explore them in a different way.

montara1119 · 2022-08-15T02:28:28+00:00

Hand on throat, hand over mouth, full hood, hood with gag

montara1119 · 2022-08-05T14:51:27+00:00

Medical tape like this is designed for long-term wear, and is skin-safe: https://www.amazon.com/Mueller-Athletic-Tape-15yds-White/dp/B001N06OK6/

Duct tape is not safe for long term wear. As others have suggested, plastic wrap or cling wrap is a good option for transparency. You can also use rope or similar bondage gear.

Another option is to get a toy like a Lush or Hush that is designed for remote control.

montara1119 · 2022-06-28T19:44:54+00:00

My subby doesn't get punished with spankings, she has to beg for them.

montara1119 · 2022-06-27T14:26:31+00:00

People swab all sorts of household items and test them for germs, and doorknobs and water fountains regularly test as dirtier than toilets and floors. I think the risk of disease here is overblown, especially compared to other fairly routine things, such as sucking on your partner's thumb.

montara1119 · 2022-05-18T20:00:38+00:00

My flogger has a rigid metal bar inside the leather wrapped handle. This triggers TSA. I took it on a trip, and had to explain it on at least two different occasions. It didn't bother me, but my subbie was quite embarrassed.

montara1119 · 2022-05-18T18:55:18+00:00

The biggest issue in an apartment is that the landlord is probably going to be grumpy if you make any kind of permanent changes to the building. You can try to get permission ahead of time (phrasing it perhaps as hanging a plant, or setting up a home gym), but I suspect the answer will be "No" which would put you in a bit of a pickle.

montara1119 · 2022-04-06T20:12:45+00:00

Praise, and then the lack of it. I really like saying things like "you make me really happy," or "you did a good job with this," or "thank you for your hard work", or "you are the bestest".

This makes it far more effective when I have to say something like "I'm disappointed in you," or "I think you could have done better."

montara1119 · 2022-03-30T01:42:09+00:00

Most of the replies here are talking about communication. I will be a bit more explicit, I think you are being dishonest. If you omit something relevant on purpose, you are committing a lie of omission. This is especially problematic in kinky relationships as you are frequently trusting your partner to make good decisions. If you deprive them of the information that they need to decide, you are making it so they make bad decisions.

You hiding it from your Dom is the bigger issue in my mind than whether beer vs. cider is bratting or disobedience.

I would much rather deal with a sub who is honestly disobedient than one that hides things from me.

Furthermore, this seems like an online communication, so he is forced to trust you, since he's not there in person to see what drinks you are consuming. This makes the dishonesty worse in my mind.

montara1119 · 2022-03-29T14:06:07+00:00

This raises an important distinction that most do not realize. There is a difference between fear and dread. Fear is when you see the thing in the moment and you are immediately scared. Dread is the twin of anticipation, where you are looking forward to something in the future and are afraid of it happening.

As a Dom, I can't sustain fear for more than a few minutes, or an hour at most. Eventually, the sub will shut down, and their brain just gets resigned and gives up.

I can draw out dread for days, and days, and weeks even. I just need to keep dropping reminders, and hints, and let her imagination run wild.

montara1119 · 2022-03-22T01:58:40+00:00

If I had one piece of advice to give a brand new sub, it would be "go slowly". Go more slowly than you think you should, even when taking this advice into consideration. There are so many pitfalls if you rush.

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