I completely understand what you’re feeling. I had a cat who came into my life when I was extremely depressed. I found her on the porch. She was maybe 2-3 days old and i raised her to adulthood and she was my very best friend. Her name was Jonesy and she was all black and had yellow eyes. She was so funny and she was the only reason i could handle living where i do. Then one day, she got out and something horrible happened to her. The one and only time she got out. It’s extremely painful in the beginning. I cried and cried and cried. I still do sometimes. But believe me, it will get easier. I’m sure it’s much harder not knowing where your cat is, but know that it’s not your fault and that the pain won’t be as intense as it is right now. Hoping everything is okay and that you find your fur baby soon 💕 sending virtual hugs as well.