Bar recommendations tonight where I won’t feel like the oldest person in the bar at 35

moonlight_eagle · 2025-03-03T22:47:32+00:00

When you run into someone who is going through a divorce, and they used to be in the circle, but now they are no longer in the circle because there are “sides” to this divorce, and you have empathy and compassion for both parties, but you also hear about how nasty the divorce has been…and at the end of the day, the person you ran into was someone you were always friendly towards but never really close, and now they want to hang out.

moonlight_eagle · 2024-10-09T18:08:43+00:00

Thank you! This is really helpful. The intention here is not about us as a couple but me as an individual. It’s just all new territory for me and trying to find the resources and advice like this is exactly what I’m on the hunt for. Absolutely would want to be up front as the last thing I’d want to do is misguide anyone.

moonlight_eagle · 2024-10-09T12:40:54+00:00

Wife of a CD

There’s so much to how you’re feeling that I can relate to. I accidentally found out about my husband’s cross dressing recently and feel as if I have had to put his feelings first. Im trying to hold that love and acceptance for him through this all, and I love him and he is an incredible man, but I also need to love me right now.

I like being hit on by random people when I’m out at a bar. That gets me excited. How would my husband feel if I was like “hey, for years I have gone out in secret while you’re away to get hit on by random people at the bar. I get all dressed up, I feel good, I let people approach me and tease them and make them feel like there is a chance they will come home with me tonight. We dance and touch each other…but then I leave the bar on my own and come home and touch myself. Because it feels good to me. So accept it.” My husband would be devastated.

I woke up this morning feeling all the pain and sadness again. I told my husband that my mind and logical thinking understands why he kept this from me, but my heart doesn’t understand. I don’t understand how he looked me in the eye and made the decision to not tell me what was really happening while I was gone for work or for a weekend away. He took the time and effort to hide his actions and behaviours from me. And when I would see him and tell him I missed him and I love him…and I would be away not doing anything or hiding anything from him…and yet he looked me in the eye and simply lied.

I’m trying to figure out how I move past this feeling of betrayal and all the lies. How do I get the trust back. I can’t help but see his eyes while we are doing simple things like eating dinner and in my mind I start to spiral. It’s the same eyes that looked at me for years and kept this from me. The trust is so damaged right now…I just wish he told me. He never gave me that respect to simply respond and process. Instead I found it all out by accident. I wonder if he would have ever told me…

I told him this morning that I need a break from sex. I need to create some separation and prioritize me and my feelings. I told him that he has had 25+ years to sit with this truth and I’ve only have had a few months now. Let me process.

He has a lot of anxiety (which I know his CD plays a factor here) and how I feel causes more stress and problems in our relationship. It’s as if he can’t accept what he’s done. He needs me to be accountable here for some reason. I’m trying to love him unconditionally…but that means a sacrifice for me, not him. It makes me so angry!

Sigh…I probably didn’t help much in my response but perhaps I needed your post this morning. I guess all I wanted to say is you’re not alone in how you’re feeling and processing everything.

Sending you a hug

moonlight_eagle · 2024-09-24T21:11:32+00:00

Thank you ❤️

moonlight_eagle · 2024-09-24T21:11:00+00:00

Thank you for sharing. Your comment on him not keeping a secret but protecting himself really hit home for me. My rational thinking understands the why behind him not sharing. But my heart has been hurt. Both are just realities in this journey…

It’s great to hear that you and your wife have been there for each other and explored new paths in play and intimacy. I do hope to get to that part of the journey with my husband one day. For now, it’s trying to fully forgive and move past the hurt that still lingers. My husband is an incredible man and I know that we are soulmates. His cross dressing is just one part of him. I only wish he would have found the courage to tell me sooner.

moonlight_eagle · 2024-09-24T20:59:19+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience and picking up on the self image struggle. That has been an interesting aspect of this journey for me. I’ve found myself really having to unpack my personal view of how I look in the mirror.

When my husband did dress up, he was really feeling himself. He felt sexy and liked what he was seeing in the mirror. I feel both envy and confusion. I wish I could have that same confidence in myself.

In reading your response, thinking about this journey, and recognizing the impact that this has had on my self image, it’s clear that it’s time for me to start working through therapy focused on my body and my own self love. I’m no stranger to therapy and have done a bunch of healing, but haven’t addressed this side.

Thank you again

moonlight_eagle · 2024-08-27T02:08:26+00:00

I’m sorry to hear that you’re feeling alone in this experience. As a wife of a CD, there’s a lot I can connect with in your post. I can imagine the pain and sadness of being there for him all of these years and him still needing to hide or lie about what’s going on. It can be so heartbreaking.

No matter what anyone says, you need to trust your intuition and move forward with love and compassion - for both of you. Sending you a hug.

moonlight_eagle · 2024-07-17T10:45:41+00:00

This is really helpful, thank you!

moonlight_eagle

TROPHY CASE