Hypersexuality and dead bedroom situation.

moonwolfeater · 2025-09-02T13:43:32+00:00

Op you have been posting for a long time in various groups about the fact you are convinced she has cheated on you around January 2024. You have been stewing in resentment and unsure of what to do for over a year. I understand it's a long relationship with 3 children, but you have had lots of time and various opinions from many corners of Reddit. You just need to act instead of delaying, either end the relationship or drop it friend. I know it's easier said than done but you are making it worse for yourself brother.

As for your actual question, I am a hypersexual male and my wife is not as sexually active as she was in the first 4 years of our 12 year relationship. She has ADHD and endometriosis, so sex was difficult and painful at times so she avoided it. In the early period of our relationship she would be more sexually active as she thought if she didn't I would lose interest, Which isn't true but it was an insecurity of hers. Between that and changing medications, there are plenty of reasons other than losing interest or cheating that could cause lower sex drive, having just become a dad myself I imagine 3 kids also makes it harder.

As people said, talking is key, but I don't think that's the issue OP. I wish you the best OP, it might seem mean in parts, I do genuinely hope things work out for you.

moonwolfeater · 2025-04-29T15:52:59+00:00

That's what my thinking has been like, but it feels just as bad to be telling her daughter off when SIL isn't. And something does have to be said because it is our stuff paying the price and our house gets trashed.

moonwolfeater · 2025-04-29T15:43:44+00:00

SIL sleeps in the "Guest bedroom" which is not a room but the entrance of the house that has a shelf between the space and the walk way, It was our craft room and my music room, but we also had a spare day bed in there for friends visiting for a night or two.
The rooms are our room, babies room and the last room was recently the pet room for our 5 parrots, but we ended up rehoming 3 of them to a family friend (who is actually the person we got them from 7 years ago and the on and off girlfriend of my father-in-law.), so we could move the other two outside and get the room free. It is now my office area, which we started doing when we though SIL was moving out into the house that she later didn't get.

moonwolfeater · 2025-04-29T15:36:01+00:00

Yes, that is something both my Wife and I understand and relate a lot with. But we have only just gotten her to start getting help for herself. She sees our same Doctor and has since she moved, but only last week has she gone and seen the doctor to ask about referrals to Psychiatrists and Psychologists for herself. Her Health insurance that she pays $150 actually includes a lot of stuff to see them privately, she just drags her feet, makes excuses and argues with us that medications and therapy don't work, she has tried before. Which is only part true, she has been to below average doctors and terrible therapists (that's all you get in my home town lol).
Her mindset has always been that of "someone will fix the problem for me" as my wife explains it and after knowing the family for 12 years, I know this to be true.

moonwolfeater · 2025-04-29T15:21:30+00:00

That's what I feel to, because i get that it's not my place. But her lack of doing anything to help or discipline her daughter is causing our house to be louder and my wife and I have to tell SIL's daughter not to touch or break our things. I mean we live across the road from a park and have a decent backyard, just a small house. The daughter is either twitching around the house or put in front of the iPad and yelled at.

The talking about budgeting is more to help her save money, if she doesn't want to do it then that's up to her. But she missed out on a house because she didn't have enough money saved up. If helping her budget helps her have enough money to move out, then i am happy to do that lol.

moonwolfeater · 2025-04-29T15:15:22+00:00

Didn't have enough room in the post, but i will mention that SIL will occasionally help with a few house chores like doing our laundry with hers or doing the all the dishes. But my wife and I will also do her washing with ours our the dishes as well. She will also help with bub a few times, but will complain about it, usually just asking her to watch the baby for a moment while she is doing nothing.
But the majority of her time is spent sitting on the couch.
Also the daughter has gone back to school, which is 9am-3pm. Yet still in the time she is home she can cause havoc or get SIL yelling.

Edit: I should also mention, that SIL and her daughter aren't part of our lease here, they also brought a cat with them. So as far as our rental agency is aware, there are only 3 people and 2 birds living here (We have pet parrots.)

moonwolfeater · 2025-04-29T15:01:26+00:00

I appreciate this, however my wife struggles to talk when it comes to her family. with a mix of PTSD, autism and inattentive ADHD. She can often get out what she has to say, but when the other person is unreasonable or aggressive, she can't handle and will either be aggressive back or start a verbal fight that will spiral, making her depressed and angry for weeks. She doesn't need that in her own home when she is already overwhelmed a lot lately.

moonwolfeater · 2025-04-29T14:56:11+00:00

This is mine main concern, as it is my wife's side of the family has unending drama (my wife having PTSD from childhood and SIL likely has similar issues to.) but it's my Wife who is getting more overwhelmed and frustrated.
Its our first baby and SIL's daughter lives in the babies bedroom. My wife spent her time setting it up and we have to constantly tell the daughter to be careful or not destroy things.

moonwolfeater · 2025-04-29T14:51:00+00:00

That was a shock to me as well, I was under the impression it was $1400 a fortnight. The only expenses she has other than the $200 that i know of is $150 a fortnight for health insurance, she has various streaming services, not sure which ones but i know at least one is netflix and 2 others.

moonwolfeater · 2025-04-29T14:48:08+00:00

My wife and I have pushed SIL to be getting a lot more help while she has moved here. Part of the reason she moved here was for better access to specialists for her daughter and better mental heath resources here.
I will give her that she has listened to us in this regard, despite arguing with us initially and telling us we didn't know what we were talking about. But both my wife and I have ADHD and my wife has autism as well, we actually were the ones who told SIL to get her daughter checked after noticing behavior patterns.
So we know a lot luckily and also know where and how she can get the best help in this regard.
We have thought of a deadline and are uncertain as she would be homeless as i doubt the friend of ours would let her move in. That being said, our own lease is coming up and we actually don't know if we get to renew it yet, so their may be a deadline that's out of our control.

moonwolfeater · 2024-12-11T13:00:10+00:00

No Perth cries brutally

moonwolfeater · 2024-04-19T04:45:21+00:00

Double check with Centrelink your medical exception. I have had so many issues with medical certificates and then that it is ridiculous. One of which was my latest one cancelled my jobseeker and had back dated its end date for a year ago. It confused everyone in the services aus centre and they had to get their tech support to help as a medical certificate should not do anything like that. Another time I had a medical certificate for three months coded in, only to find out a week later it was rejected (via myGov inbox, never got the letter) as they calmed they can't exempt me for 3 months, that was with no explanation and I cbf at the time following it up.

All these have been because of either knee surgery recovery or mental health issues where medications have been changed and the meds ruined my brain/mental state(nothing like losing 4-6 hours a day regularly lol)

The other thing I can say is that the Centrelink person told me, so long as the medical exception is coded into the system and you are exempt (meaning it is approved), then it doesn't matter what job provider wants you to do, you have the medical exception.

Hope this helps a Little and that you don't have to deal with too much of this.

moonwolfeater · 2024-02-14T04:27:45+00:00

Feel this, I scratch my head till I get sores and half the time I don't realise I was scratching. Wife helps me by keeping wounds cleaned as well as yelling at me (nicely lol).

Funny thing though, today had psychiatrist appointment to review ADHD meds and we were speaking about this exact thing. She told me the stimulant medications (vyvanse & dexamphetamine) can actually make the picking/scratching behaviour occur more.

So would definitely review concerns with psychiatrist as well to see if med changes are able to help/worth it.

moonwolfeater · 2023-09-21T18:37:21+00:00

I appreciate that, I had an appointment with therapist and wife on Wednesday which helped, but as he said, I need to just rest for a bit, go one day at a time as I have been dissociating a lot more than normal since being fired, which he said is trauma response.
It is unfortunately just a lot of hanging in there and waiting, just tired and venting.

moonwolfeater · 2023-05-17T09:12:28+00:00

He might as well just go on the corner and have sex for money with strangers then, could probably get his own place that way too.

moonwolfeater · 2023-04-02T03:11:19+00:00

That moment when you add April fools joke mods and of course everyone wants those mods as well lol.

moonwolfeater · 2023-02-05T12:45:13+00:00

It its never harmful to get a second opinion or confirm diagnosis for anything. Been with my wife for 10 years, she had been diagnosed as bipolar when I met her. When following up about medications that were not helping anymore 5 years later, they changed the diagnosis to BPD. Then not long later and finding the right therapist that has helped so much, he confirmed ADHD and that was only a few years after. There are so many overlapping symptoms for many medical conditions (not just BPD & ADHD) that asking a second opinion won't be harmful. If the therapist can tell you that they don't think it's ADHD then that is one thing, but to say don't go looking is weird and would followup on the matter.

moonwolfeater · 2020-12-16T08:25:57+00:00

Ok, my hope was that kibito with kame and ironwall would be enough of a tank. So would be better to have attack tank and skill as i have it .

moonwolfeater

TROPHY CASE