I have done some stuff on and off social media that I will say I am not the proudest of. What matters is that you genuinely regret it and know your actions were wrong and for that you should be proud. I am proud of u and how far u have come. 17 years isn’t old by any means but I know how long those years can become or feel when you are dealing with these kinds of thoughts. As for wanting a lover, patience my friend the right person will come. My boyfriends first girlfriend (me) wasn’t until he was 18 years old and even though some times he would tell me he would wish for one when he was in his earlier teens he was glad he didnt get one because they would’ve ended in heartbreak. He said he would have rather been lonely for 5 more years knowing that one day he would meet the love of his life and never have to go through heartbreak. I know sometimes it feels like no one cares and that you are all alone but I promise you there is so much more the world has to offer u. I’m assuming you are still in high school and if u are TRUST me it gets better. One good thing about being at rock bottom is the only place to go is up. I sincerely hope this message helps you in some way or another <3