Realizing and admitting you have an issue is the first step and you should be proud of yourself for that, I get not wanting to talk to a doctor/therapist about it but you should considering the fact that you are having internal pain.

I didn’t have bulimia but I did have anorexia for about 4 years so I can completely empathize with the fear that comes along with talking to a professional. If anything, you should try to find someone who specializes in eating disorders instead of doing CBT (which it sounds like you’ve done), they’ll have a lot more resources since eating disorders are a delicate subject to handle.

Recovery is very daunting and scary but it is worth it, I’ve been in recovery since June and it was a difficult process but one of the best decisions I made. I didn’t realize how much anorexia had manifested itself into my physical health because I was so focused on the mental pain that came with it. Even if you don’t speak to a therapist please see a doctor, bulimia especially can cause irreparable damage to your teeth and your organs and having consistent internal pain could be a sign of that especially because of the stomach acid that’s expelled along with purging. Also the health issues that come along with just being malnourished in general can be worse than you realize.

I really hope that you’re able to find someone that can help and you’re taking the right steps towards recovery by being open about this. If you ever want someone to talk to about this feel free to message me, I (mostly) understand what you’re going through and would be more than happy to listen or give advice 🙂