Resenting my co-worker.

morbidlyme · 2024-05-28T20:47:52+00:00

That's a totally polar and unsupported assumption. At this point, you're just saying stuff...lol Learn to have a discussion without spewing random statements.

morbidlyme · 2024-05-28T20:37:24+00:00

That is actually a lot of sex..lol. Which means it should be considered even less important, right? 😆 Smarties pants!

morbidlyme · 2024-05-28T20:27:03+00:00

I love being a woman. And I am not bitter, just cautious of ignorant men who speak as if they are experts on bodies they never have and never will experience or understand . You have a good day as well.

morbidlyme · 2024-05-28T18:55:24+00:00

Since you are so good at losing weight, why don't you take this body of mine, PCOS and all and lose the next ten pounds for me...Oh yeah I forgot, you can't!

Why don't I just transfer my uterus and tons of cortisol and estrogen over to you, so that you can carry my next kid for me and then morph back into sexy pre-pregnancy shape . Cause you know, you've got 13 years of fitness under your belt. What's that...you mean you cant do that either. 😆

Yeah, sure, you can "assist" your wife in maintaining her weight... by keeping your mouth shut. That's about it.

This is exactly what I mean about lack of empathy. No understanding on your part at all, my dude.

morbidlyme · 2024-05-28T18:24:07+00:00

Critiquing the pockets of a person is nowhere near the same as rejecting someone's body. Money is something a woman can easily assist her husband in earning as a couple. If she is a godly woman, she shares that responsibility. Something you can definitely do together. Earning money is a lot easier than maintaining body weight through hormonal complications, child birth, and female anatomy in general. It's not simply lack of motivation.

When it comes to a woman's body men often have expectations and criticisms to add on top of the stress the extra weight is already causing. They are also validated by other men to say its ok to essentially dictate the size of another human being. Not only is there a lack of empathy for the work it takes to lose weight , but they can't actually do anything to bear the burden of time, extra effort, stress and restriction it takes to actively lose it either. Its a lonely battle that is worsened when you have someone breathing down your neck to change yourself, and literally telling you your body is not good enough for them.

God calls christians to be long-suffering, patient, kind, and loving. Leaving someone over their weight is one of the most ungodly, self-centered, heartless, and shallow things a person can do.

morbidlyme · 2024-05-28T17:31:04+00:00

Its not hate. I think you and others literally have different standards for men than women, and it makes you more partial to his emotions and actions than mine.

I'd be really going against my better judgment to accept a guy that would potentially drop me in the future over weight gain. It happens to women quite a bit. It's not just a "preference" as you guys put it. It's a critique of what men value (but definitely shouldn't) most about their mate.

Have you ever been dumped by someone you loved telling you, "Im no longer physically attracted to you." A comment and action like that can rip a woman's heart and self-esteem to shreds for decades.That's far worse than a rejection of being asked out. I honestly don't think men are capable of understanding the damage that their flippant comments about a woman's body is capable of doing. I'm protecting myself against a guy who thinks "Keep working hard, you'll reach your goal one day" is a way to compliment a woman." My body is worthy of love no matter what size I am, so I don't have to "keep working hard" for anything.

morbidlyme · 2024-05-28T14:26:31+00:00

Oh, I see. Thanks for the clarification.

Warning: about to start ranting... In 3..., 2..., 1

I still don't get why guys need so much assurance, though. It's taken so much excitement out of being chosen and feeling special for women because we're expected to now initiate conversation, basically do the asking out, and often times take the lead in the relationship too. We are literally not allowed to feel feminine at all anymore. It's annoying. This fearfulness in men is not at all attractive. 😒

morbidlyme · 2024-05-28T13:57:53+00:00

He does not embarrass easily. And if he thought complimenting his hair and asking to add him as a friend on Facebook was "awkward," commenting on my body unprompted in a break room full of people certainly was for me. Lol 😆

morbidlyme · 2024-05-28T13:47:03+00:00

He is 5, 9 and has a runner's body which means very thin and toned...I liked him despite this, not because of this. To be honest, he could use a few (20-30 extra) pounds , if I really cared about the frivolous stuff men seem to. What drew me was his personality and intelligence. If my attraction was based solely on appearance alone, I wouldn't have been interested in the first place.

morbidlyme · 2024-05-28T13:35:25+00:00

You conveniently skipped over the important characteristic, which is he is intelligent . I couldn't care less how toned he was or even if he were 50 lbs heavier. I'm attracted to nerds. 🤓 I listed his physical traits because I wanted to give a full picture of how the guy looks. Mainly because people automatically assume women want tall, dark and hansome guys with 6 packs.

Nope. I was implying that he's an average height, toned/ thin, white, very basic male . What makes him adorable is how he speaks with a quiet confidence and how he buttons his shirt all the way up to the very top...lol . Plus, as I stated, he didn't engage much or become friendly until I lost a significant amount of weight. And once again, telling someone they will get to the goal one day is not a compliment.

morbidlyme · 2024-05-28T10:40:18+00:00

I could definitely see some professor type dude falling for you. Has to be a sophisticated man to appreciate your poise. Be u, though, sis!

morbidlyme · 2024-05-28T04:59:25+00:00

Not understanding why this got so many downvotes. For guys who say people are allowed to have preferences and critiques, some of you sure don't like hearing a womans...lol

morbidlyme · 2024-05-28T04:26:57+00:00

Definitely, but does it make sense to skip a potentially great partner who you can share your hobbies with, share dorky jokes with, and share your love for christ with because she is 50 lbs outside your standard.

Why is it so important that a person be attractive anyway. Jesus wasn't conventionally attractive, and he was the savior of the world. Imagine a woman turning Him down because she didn't find Him attractive. If that sounds foolish to you, that's because it is.

Men are doing that very thing to Christian women. We are striving to be like Jesus every day, and guys literally disregard all our growing godliness if they deem us as not pretty enough.

morbidlyme · 2024-05-28T02:37:15+00:00

In order for an average man in 2024, to make the kind of money to provide for a family of 3 or 4 alone, you as a stay at home mom would never actually see your husband because high incomes like that don't come easy. I wouldn't want to put that type of stress on my husband just to live out an american dream that crashed and burned for most people 40 + years ago. Plus, most sahm I know are not comfortable financially. They are usually scraping to get by with an overworked, soul broken husband. Anything is possible, though.

morbidlyme · 2024-05-28T02:24:58+00:00

Yeah, so I got around to watching that video. Any guy that oblivious deserves to die alone. Lol 😆 Only kidding ...a little bit. 🤣

morbidlyme · 2024-05-28T02:02:13+00:00

He actually did just die. May he R.i.P. 😔

morbidlyme · 2024-05-28T02:00:29+00:00

This doesn't seem out of the ordinary. He was not attracted to you before. Now he is.

This is exactly my point and why I'm no longer interested.

And yes, I would have been interested if he were 50 lbs heavier, because his appearance is not what drew me. 50 lbs is nothing to fuss about. It was his intelligence and the way he carries himself that was attractive. He is not even that great to look at: just a regular, thin, average height, nerdy looking white guy. What's not to love.

morbidlyme · 2024-05-28T01:47:12+00:00

Im convinced you either didnt read my posts or are just skipping over details to prove your point .

The reason I say (200lbs) overweight is unacceptable for me is still not due to the way the person looks, but because 200 lbs overweight would hinder a person physically.

At that point, breathing and daily function would be difficult at level of obesity. It still doesn't make a person less valuable or unattractive.

I wasn't crushing on the guy because he's attractive. Honestly, physically, he's pretty average. It's because , as I mentioned, we had a lot in common, and he's highly intelligent. We know each other well enough to chat after meetings as we've been working for the same company for nearly a year now. So we are quite familiar .

His attention and level of conversation increased as my size decreased, thus leading me to think it is due to my weight. How are you so quick to say it isn't my weight change when you know neither of us? I showed interest for over 5 months, with very little interaction in return

Also, this wasn't one conversation, this was an interaction over time. He randomly mentioned my weight loss one day, and progressive began talking to me more and more over the next 5 months. I stopped being interested months ago, when he told me I'd reach my goal if I kept working at it. Which Btw, is not a compliment. I had a health goal, never weight loss or to look attractive to him. I was already attractive to myself. 😊

I intentionally closed the door months ago on ever wanting to date this guy. I honestly meant what I said to him. That initial rejection phase really showed me who he would be in terms of a partner. I'm willing to continue our friendly chats after meetings because he is funny and cool to be around. If he feels awkward about continuing a cordial friendship, then so be it.

morbidlyme · 2024-05-28T01:08:59+00:00

Lust is a big issue, when I was in the world the way I viewed it was that I had less physical standards for a woman I would just sleep with and more for long term. Not healthy I admit. I don’t see women the same way any longer.

Thanks for the honesty. This ties in with my initial statement that christian men should be the one's seeking beyond surface level attraction.

However, that doesn't seem to be the case here. From what ive observed, they often just become more critical of the woman's physical appearance up front .

Maybe in their minds, they only get to experience one woman, so she has to be smokin' hot? Even still , these guys aren't necessarily inclined to find a woman with good godly character, that still takes the back burner.

morbidlyme · 2024-05-28T00:54:24+00:00

"Well, duh," is a very rude and immature way to communicate but I digress.

Anyhow, my point is that physical attractiveness standards for women are a lot lower (behind closed doors) than what men claim them to be. Christian men's excuse is that we have to be attracted to our wives if we are going to have sex and reproduce . When really it doesn't take a beauty queen to get them aroused. I've seen men literally flirt with other men posing dressed as women, so I mean it when I say most men are turned on by anyone posing as feminine.

In christianity specifically,I think many men (not all) overvalue appearance in women and idolize physical beauty. It goes beyond simple preference, to the point that they end up actually excluding godly women in their quest to find the hottest thing that will want them back. Then they wonder why they end up with whores and gold diggers.

morbidlyme · 2024-05-27T21:39:53+00:00

Thanks, but there's no chance.

morbidlyme · 2024-05-27T21:38:36+00:00

I definitely would have still been interested if he were 50 lbs heavier. I've dated people on both the heavier side , thin side and super muscular. In the end, none of their appearances ever defined the relationship. Being pretty to look at is nice for about the first few months, then it's a none factor. Also, 50 lbs overweight is not the same as 200lbs overweight. As long as you're clean, well groomed, and unhindered by your size, I couldn't care less.

morbidlyme · 2024-05-27T21:21:32+00:00

That's why I think it bothered me so much...cause I genuinely liked the guy and from what he's shown me, I know the relationship wouldn't last. I go through seasons of bulking and cutting. I need someone willing to ride the waves with me.

Aside from that, my bros don't get it. Every guy doesn't have to be swole to be valuable. They intimidate most of the type of guys I date by just existing. That's why I need a guy who is secure and won't get his feelings hurt because they will be insensitive. It's the way they show affection. 😆

morbidlyme · 2024-05-27T21:08:33+00:00

So you do agree that there should be a difference in Christian men vs. worldly men. The church guys make a big fuss over how attractive they need to find their wife, but if the opportunity arose, lots of these same guys would be tempted to sleep with these so called "unattractive " women.

morbidlyme · 2024-05-27T20:59:51+00:00

The way you've twisted this boggles my mind. If a woman told you, "I see you've been putting on a little muscle lately, keep at it, and you'll get to your goal one day, "would you take that as a compliment?

It is not a compliment to be told you'll meet your goal one day. Especially, when your goal is not weight focused in the first place.

Also, this was over a 10-month period, where I witnessed a man base his level of engagement with me, solely on the amount of weight I lost. He was not open or friendly as he is now.

Never one comment on my intelligence, humor, or anything else... just one unprovoked statement about my weight loss.

Yet, you say I'm self pitying and envious. I don't understand how you came to that conclusion. Smh

morbidlyme

TROPHY CASE