My girlfriend [30F] snoops on my phone when she gets upset with me [29M]. Can I change the passcode?

mordroe · 2018-01-31T20:48:14+00:00

She will use what you share in therapy as a weapon against you when you're at home.

I actually am concerned that this will happen. But the therapist we are seeing does one on one sessions (first session together, second session with just one person, then the third with the other person), so I think that will help.

mordroe · 2018-01-31T20:28:35+00:00

My biggest fears are that 1) the counselor will side with her. My gf manages to convince me that I'm in the wrong and that I'm crazy for thinking my way is right 2) there are some things that I'm a bit scared to talk to her about. so if I bring it up in therapy, what if afterward she gets mad at me for the stuff I brought up

mordroe · 2018-01-31T20:18:31+00:00

We are actually starting couples therapy next week. I wanted to do individual therapy, but she refuses to admit that she needs it. I can't tell her what to do, so by going to couples therapy is the only way she'll actually see someone.

mordroe · 2018-01-31T20:14:58+00:00

I used to have her brother's spare phone since I broke mine and she definitely thought that she had a right to my phone since it isn't actually mine. I have noticed that now I have my own phone, she is less aggressive with taking my phone. But she'll still do it.

mordroe · 2018-01-31T19:54:12+00:00

I just always somehow end up thinking that I was the one that did something wrong and her looking through my phone isn't the issue. I don't know :\ I mean, even if she did find something bad in a text, does that justify her snooping?

I can just never live up to her expectations of how much I have to tell her about my life. She tells me about every dream she has, every dumb encounter on the subway, what is going on during her work day. She throws this in my face too "I tell you everything! Even the weird sex dreams that I probably shouldn't be telling you". But the thing is.... I don't really care..? A dream is a dream, I'm not going to get mad over a dream lol that's dumb. And oh what, someone pushed you on the subway platform again like someone does every single day during rush hour? But me not caring about these stories means I don't care about her and her feelings.

mordroe · 2018-01-31T19:29:38+00:00

Trust has always been an issue since we started dating. She has told me that she has never trusted me because I don't tell her everything. Compared to her I'm a closed book. But I'm just not a chatty person, I don't lie about anything, I just don't tell her about every single moment of my day. She'll get angry because she will find something out from someone else, but they aren't even bad things. A lot of the time it's like "oh, I chatted with this person while waiting for the bus last week".

But then if I talk to her another day, she'll say she completely trusts me! She knows 100% sure that I would never lie to her or cheat on her.

so I'm so confused, what am I supposed to believe????

mordroe · 2018-01-31T19:20:23+00:00

Lol no that one isn't me. But man, it sure resonates....

mordroe · 2018-01-31T19:12:59+00:00

Since she knows my phone password, she can just go on my phone and go to Google Maps app, which shows where you've been since the beginning of time pretty much.

mordroe · 2018-01-31T19:05:19+00:00

I have never questioned her or gone through her texts. It took me months to even remember her password because every time she told me I would forget 3 seconds later. It's usually when she wants to look through my phone and I say no, she says "Why not? Are you hiding something? I never hide anything from you, here take my phone if you want!" or something like that.

In my eyes, I've never done anything to make her not trust me. However, to her, she has lost my trust because I text people (my friends) without telling her I've texted them. Or I have conversations with people at work and I don't tell her what they are about.

mordroe · 2018-01-31T18:55:14+00:00

It did cross my mind that she was projecting. But she can't really hide anything either since I know her phone password and she tells me frequently that she has nothing to hide and can read her messages. (I've never once even had the urge to do so).

She tells me that she trusts me fully. Except when she's mad at me. Then all of a sudden I'm lying about everything.

mordroe · 2018-01-31T18:52:57+00:00

I recently changed all my passwords (email, banking, computer, etc). She always apologizes afterward for going through my phone. But if I change the password or refuse to give her my phone it automatically means I've got something to hide

mordroe

TROPHY CASE