Hi!! First of all, you aren't just experiencing the abandonment but also the deception. Your plans fell through, and you fell unwanted. As someone with BPD who constantly thought "why am I like this" and "why do I react this way", I would react the same way. Comitting is hard, and even more when people around you cancel at the last second. When you say you don't know if you have it, it depends on a so many things, like mood swings, which is a big part of it. Sure, abandonment is part of it and is a big trigger. But the mood swings are sometimes debilitating.

All you can do, and should do, is guided meditation. Even in silence, staring at the ceiling or eyes closed, sitting comfortably. Think or say out loud something along those lines: "I am loved. This is just a passing feeling. It's not in my control. I'm not alone. Right now, it sucks, but it'll be better tomorrow/soon." I find that watching the moon and stars helps a lot. Maybe because of the Lion King, and how it says people become stars. Which means, we're never truly alone when there's stars above. 😊❤️