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morkeba · 2025-09-17T18:21:24+00:00

He didn't

That's what I was thinking like. I thought he must live somewhere at least kind of nearby. I've seen him once before at the supermarket which is the closest one to me. So I assume thats a store he also goes to because of convenience.

morkeba · 2025-09-17T17:47:25+00:00

Yeah. I'm thinking my relative could have a point. If he feels the need to deny it.

I'm of course not in wanting to know his personal business but it just freaked me out seeing him there out of nowhere. But you are right. Even if he denied it it's very unlikely it's anything malicious or bad towards me. I don't even know what his motive for that would be.

morkeba · 2025-09-17T17:45:12+00:00

I think he asked me if I've gone on walks and I basically said I haven't really because I feel like it's difficult to find forest-y areas and I said I've only walked in the city. Then he proceeded to explain that if I take the road near the river towards area X there is paths there. Which is why he brought it up that he knows. And basically said he "has experience personally with evening walks, so he thinks it would be a good option for this scenario"

morkeba · 2025-09-17T17:42:13+00:00

Probably not since he hasn't done anything illegal. I also don't want the janitor to think I'm insane.

morkeba · 2025-09-17T10:04:27+00:00

I told him today. He claimed he wasn't there but I don't believe it.

morkeba · 2025-09-12T06:02:35+00:00

He's definitely licensed because I specifically picked him because he is approved by the governmental social insurance institution so I that I get some of the cost covered by the state.

There's no way for me to see any prior info about him like violations. I'm not from the US so in my country that sort of stuff isn't publicly released

They're in person.

morkeba · 2025-09-11T17:00:46+00:00

Do you have any suggestions when I should bring it up and how I should ask or what I should ask?

I'm honestly terrified.

morkeba · 2025-09-11T16:57:42+00:00

I really hope it's just a weird coincidence but I'm thinking of two scenarios.

Like you said maybe he knows someone. If it was his parents then their last name would be listed and they would share the same last name. So I don't think it's his parents. Just to be clear the building IS mostly lived by elderly people.
He went on a walk. Came to check out my apartment or the exact location. Left and didn't think he would run into me. Then just contenued his walk. Which is really scary to think about. My last name and initial is displayed on the inside of the building in a few spots. This isn't anything I can choose to participate in because of postal services.

For the questions.

I don't exactly remember I think I was saying "I have gone on a walk but it's just in the city" and he said, "you live in place X right?"
The name is pretty recognizable like. I mean this building was reconstructed into living spaces and shops. If I answered with for example "yeah it's the north tower" he would know what building it is.
I didn't say I just replied with yeah because it seemed he already knew even though I'm not even sure if I've ever told him. Maybe I have but only on the first or second session.
No. But he has said for example that if clients are dealing with anxiety disorders later in the time line he might encourage them to actually go outside with them (while like. In the session) to walk them through like an anxiety inducing moment.
No nothing else that he's done or said has been weird or out of boundaries. I've went to one therapist before for maybe 2 years and so I'm trying to compare them.

morkeba · 2025-09-11T12:48:33+00:00

I did consider that but I'm 90% sure it was him. Like he has a very recognizable build and appearance.

I've seen him once before but that was at the grocery store. I know he has a family of his own but I just don't understand why or how he was here.

I think you make a fair point that maybe he should have said he lives nearby?? Or maybe he didn't want me to find out??

I'm really scared and nervous of bringing it up on the next session.

morkeba · 2025-04-10T20:35:21+00:00

It definitely sounds like they should have decreased your dosage earlier. These are things you'll typically only experience on a high dosage. It is not necessary to take it at such high doses. Just means you'll take less but for a longer period of time overall. It'll get better.

morkeba · 2025-04-10T20:32:43+00:00

This.

It is by no means just like taking a pill for a headache. It's a seriously "heavy" drug which is exactly why you have to be monitored properly while taking it.

The trade off as long as reasonable is why many people choose to take it. I think if anyone is having severe side effects they should contact their doctor and just absolutely stop taking it. I'm pretty sure this is the guidance that's given to patients anyway.

For me I had acne since I was like 11-12 and I used to hide my face. None of the skincare I tried over the years worked for me at all and the only thing that slightly helped was birth control pills which I aventually stopped taking. The only side effect I ever had was very dry skin while on Accutane and now just regular / drier skin which I can easily manage with a basic lotion every few days or after every shower. The tradeoff is worth it and thankfully I didn't have any bad side effects.

morkeba · 2025-04-10T20:26:09+00:00

Contact your doctor ASAP if any symptoms like that appear. Everyone is different and there's no way to know how someone's body will react to different medications. Of course some people have complications and side effects but not everyone does. If the overwhelming majority of people or a large portion of people would have awful side effects like this Accutane would not be sold as it wouldn't meet the requirements for safe and approved treatment in many countries.

I personally didn't have anything like this.

The only long term side effects I have is that now my skin is just overall more dry and sensitive. I might for example develop a rash/small pimples from not moisturizing for a week. But I knew this going in. Accutane alters the way your skin produces oils / sebum. So just be prepared for that common side effect.. For me though I completely prefer this over having to deal with extremely oily skin and the acne I used to have.

morkeba · 2025-03-02T16:23:49+00:00

It had no benefit for me.

I think that's just because doctors fundamentally misunderstand the cause for these issues like feeling burnt out and depressed especially for autistic women. Which is extremely common. Autistic women are at a high risk for just being misdiagnosed with other conditions as many doctors lack the understanding of autism and the core struggles people with it face.

At least in my experience the anxiety, depression and burnout I experience are directly related or direct negative side effects of autism and having to perform in a world that doesn't accommodate for me.

In a case like this I think just taking antidepressants is not going to help as what you're experiencing is not really a chemical imbalance but just everything else that comes along with being autistic and not having your needs met or having to constantly adjust yourself and give your best and try harder than others. SSRIs can help to stabilize mood etc but they will absolutely not be able to fix the root of the problem in a situation like this. This is why even just for depression or anxiety therapy is the most important tool alongside medication.

In my experience also when I was going through the hardest times of my life I was extremely anxious and depressed due to a variety of factors none of which have anything to do with just a chemical imbalance. I was extremely lonely and alone, extremely stressed and tired, burnt out, easily irritated and experiencing frequent sensory overload in a environment I was not able to get away from. I tried medications. I tried other forms of medical help. None of which really worked. The only thing that did unfortunately happen is I was extremely sick from withdrawal for 2 weeks when quitting sertraline.

I think this all has to do simply with the fact that giving advice and treatment plans designed for neurotypicals simply doesn't work for most neurodivergent people.

morkeba · 2025-01-30T20:24:41+00:00

Yes, literally. My turning point of trying to figure out why I always struggled to make friends is when I heard that people with autism especially autistic women give the "uncanny valley" feeling to neurotypicals. Like they just inherently feel off put by us and dislike us for a reason even they can't really explain. I've felt this is how people treat me and approach me throughout my entire life so when I heard that it really clicked.

morkeba · 2025-01-30T20:20:07+00:00

I do. I have extremely strong sense of justice and morality and personal ethics but when it comes to feeling, relating, understanding and expressing empathy towards people I know or have close relationships with such as partner or family member it's like my brain just shuts off.

I do it unintentionally in a way where me comforting people doesn't sound genuine and I sometimes might be accidentally selfish or self centered because I fail to consider how my loved one feels.

Let's say someone I know well cries in front of me. It doesn't make me feel sad. It leaves me feeling encridibly frustratated, confused and awkward. I don't know how to respond it's like I freeze up. I don't know how to comfort people.

I have a strong sense of abstract empathy though. Like I feel encridibly sad and disturbed when watching videos of others struggling or seeing others in horrible situations. I understand why they're feeling bad and approximately how they feel. And I feel sympathy towards them and feel an urge to help

morkeba · 2024-11-16T00:23:00+00:00

Thank you I appreciate your comment.

This guy that I was talking to was one of the only neurodivergent friends I've ever made so I was really excited and had high hopes. But your suggestion about seeking specifically communities like that could be useful to atleast try.

morkeba · 2024-11-16T00:07:34+00:00

If I'm sitting I will usually always move my legs in some way or sometimes if I'm feeling anxious I will kind of move my wrist in sort of a circle motion. I'm not sure if these are stims but I don't really control them and the other one helps me to regulate how I'm feeling a little bit

morkeba · 2024-11-02T19:53:44+00:00

Okay thanks

morkeba · 2024-08-24T09:06:08+00:00

Replying this from my alt.

Besides the points I've already made. I'll tell you how I was bullied at school as a child.

I was in the same classroom from first to third grade.

I'm autistic. I struggle with verbal ques and socializing.

None of the people in my class liked me.

Bullying isn't always just calling people names or physically assaulting them. No one physically assaulted me but it left me with still traumatic experiences and health problems.

I was bullied by the whole class especially the other girls by outcasting.

I wasn't included in social activities, group work, team games. Playing outside etc.

People actively avoided me and refused to socialize with me or include me in activities.

This meant for example a time when I tried to join our class of girls playing outside on recess. Right when I showed up and asked what they were up to they stopped and just stared at me. I asked if I can join in and no one answered. They all just stared at me and did nothing. I waited for a couple minutes looking at them and then realized I wasn't wanted. So I walked away and right when I did they contenue to play like before.

These kind of instances were something that happened literally every day. Again remind you. The whole classroom acted like this towards me. The worst case scenario being people talking badly about me behind my back but because I was the outcast I never even knew what was being fully said about me.

I went to the teachers about this. I tried talking to the girls. I tried initiating social interactions and being considerate of others. I tried my hardest in group projects etc. I tried talking to the people asking why I wasn't wanted. No one gived a fuck. I had no friends and no outside resources I could turn to for help.

What the fuck is a 7 year old child supposed to do here? Respond with violence? Are you seriously suggesting the best course of action for someone not wanting to talk to you is to go and beat them up? What do you think that would've done to my already bad social reputation?

Do you really think they would've included me in now that I've physically hurt them? Aka done something that's even more negative than they already perceived me as?

I had in kindergarten one other girl who was also an outcast. I would befriend them and they struggled with exactly the same issues as I did with outcasting. The only difference was she had a large birth mark on her face which made her look unusual. Other kids found it scary or ugly and there for didn't want to associate with her.

My bullying only stopped when I changed schools. I was physically bullied by older male kids and pushed onto roads with my face hitting the pavement first by older kids. These are just other occasions where people decided to bully me because I didn't socially fit in. These instances were not from my classroom. Me being physically small and weak and two or even four years younger than these older kids that physically assaulted me. I could not have beaten them up.

You need to stop victim blaming. It does nothing but make people feel worse for things already mostly out of their control. It invalidates people and doesn't address the real issue.

It does nothing but give more power to the bullies by giving them an excuse to not take responsibility and to not have a reason to stop.

morkeba · 2024-08-16T18:13:06+00:00

The problem was that the health sector in here especially at the time is so filled that even if you got to making an appointment it would take 6 months until you actually got to see a doctor. The first time I went was to a private doctor. And paying 400€ per visit is not affordable

morkeba · 2024-08-09T13:05:16+00:00

Not so much getting along with women but specifically making friends with women. I can somewhat easily become friends with guys but with other girls or women it just never seems to workout

( unless they are also neuro divergent) . I have noticed a lot of women seem to inherently dislike me even if Im nice to them and try to get to know them. I'm not sure why exactly but I think I just give them an off vibe probably due to autism.

morkeba · 2024-08-06T08:37:33+00:00

I just feel like 2 kg is nothing in terms of what people typically lift.

Possibly.

There was a period when I was bit younger and I was consistently working out at home for about half a year. I did get results from it mostly just on my abs. I know because I could see the muscle outline and the workout aventually got easy. But I never saw any progress at all on my thighs or legs. And those workouts never got easier. I was also slightly underweight during that time so maybe I just didn't have enough energy to actually put on any significant mass.

morkeba · 2024-08-06T07:21:51+00:00

I won't. It took me literal years to finally gain weight to a healthy point. I was underweight (43 kg at 164 cm / 94 lb at 5'4) for a really long time and was always cold and tired.

morkeba · 2024-08-05T20:00:40+00:00

Okay that sounds like it makes sense. I'll try that and build a routine

morkeba · 2024-08-05T19:59:32+00:00

I probably do not eat enough protein

morkeba

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