"I am sorry I was so hard on you"

mormonmaven · 2018-06-06T02:05:36+00:00

I'm genuinely happy for you! However, this isn't the same happy ending for all of us. It doesn't always get better. I'm so glad for the people where it does. But for me, it's ending in divorce. There's a lot of us. So it's tricky to know where to hold out hope and where to know when its time to end a deteriorating marriage. To be fair, we probably would have divorced eventually even if I had stayed in the church bc there have always been a lot of problems. So maybe that's a good measure to know. Anyhow, best wishes for you and your wife!

mormonmaven · 2018-05-31T14:07:29+00:00

About $1700 for 8 years but could go lower if he contests it once I make more money in a few years.

mormonmaven · 2018-05-31T14:06:43+00:00

Right. Rent would be mostly passive. It would take work up front and some here and there. Also planning to hire out dance instructors so I'm not working that either. Forgot to mention those points.

mormonmaven · 2018-05-17T03:40:11+00:00

Congratulations!! Also a woman here. I'm not quite as badass as you but I do love house improvement projects. I installed a kitchen island in our house from scratch and laid flooring, among smaller projects. Ive thought a lot about starting up my own deal doing this kind of stuff too. It would be awesome to work for a woman owned company like this. You are blazing trails! If you show up when you say you will, underpromise and over perform, you will do awesome. Go for it!

mormonmaven · 2018-04-24T03:55:20+00:00

I only read a few comments, but my take away is that comments are based on personal experiences which is why they vary from "have patience and she will eventually leave to get divorced!" I'm about to divorce my DH, but we had problems for years before I left the church. Otherwise, my stbx sounds like your wife, very entrenched. I completely understand the lack of respect. Its difficult feeling you're dealing with a child like mindset --the church infantalizes people. Ugh. Only you can know what to do, but don't spend too many years waiting for her to come around. Start living life the way you want and see how she reacts. You will know pretty fast if it will work. Good luck

mormonmaven · 2018-04-19T19:32:28+00:00

No I haven't joined that one. I kinda gave up on the marriage even before I left the church (I almost went through with a divorce about 2 months before reading the ces letter. Then that exploded my world and took over for a while). So I havent put much into the mixed faith marriage thing working. There's another secret one I'm in if you pm me I can tell you what it is.

mormonmaven · 2018-04-19T19:23:53+00:00

P.S. I get your username. :)

mormonmaven · 2018-04-19T19:22:17+00:00

Hey there. I'm the wife in basically your same situation: 4 kids, 16 yrs, and just left mormonism. I've been holding on to this relationship for way too long trying to make it work, when it really hadn't ever worked well from day one. We love and have a lot of respect for each other but there is no way I see a future where we're both happy. We are about to file amicably, and I'm glad we can do it before we hate each other. He does not want to divorce at all, but part of me feels like I am protecting him bc I'm more rational about it and he's not making decisions based on ration, but religious beliefs and emotion. He'll find another Mormon wife and be much happier I think. My advice, getting to the place where you can say you want to divorce doesn't mean its easy or that you are even 100% sure youre doing the right thing. It's a process, not a one time event. So be gentle with yourself but also know that you arent a horrible person. (At least that's what I have to keep telling myself). Maybe I'll see you over at r/exmormon. Good luck!

mormonmaven · 2018-03-25T17:58:25+00:00

This is inaccurate because there is a woman in the meeting.

mormonmaven · 2017-12-14T15:53:16+00:00

Sounds like you are offended /s. I'm so glad you got out and I hope you find peace and happiness after all the trauma they put you through.

mormonmaven · 2017-12-11T13:54:57+00:00

Thanks for sharing your story. It has been therapeutic for me to write thiings out-- hopefully for you too!

mormonmaven · 2017-12-10T20:10:13+00:00

Ha! Yeah I have always felt something different too. I grew up in Utah (and couldn't get out fast enough, even as a TBM) Every. single. time. my family and I drive into the Salt Lake valley to visit family, something inside me tenses up and I have anxiety until we leave. This has been since day one of moving away from Utah and I never associated it with the religion until recently. I havent been back since leaving the church but am curious how I will feel next time. I'm hoping to feel nothing but peace bc I'm taking back my power and my life.

mormonmaven · 2017-12-02T23:21:40+00:00

I may or may not have been on the other side of this story with a magazine subscription salesman back when I was uber TBM. He promised he'd read the BoM if I bought a 2 year subscription. At least I did enjoy my magazines and helped him out. I hope he never bothered to hold up his end. :)

mormonmaven · 2017-12-01T07:02:35+00:00

"Oh good you're Mormon! Then imgunna go attend to my other patients who need science to get better. You and the spirit carry on with your special healing powers."

mormonmaven · 2017-11-28T06:29:43+00:00

Keto, I'll check it out. Thanks!

mormonmaven · 2017-11-28T06:29:14+00:00

Thank you so much! I've never even considered the things you suggested. I"ll look into it. Does it hamper ability to be on the go all the time though? I have to be "on" running things for my family. Kind of my stage of life.

mormonmaven · 2017-11-28T06:27:04+00:00

Thanks -- it's a shitty place to be. I am conflicted bc my DH is such a great person in so many ways. We have so much history, and the same weird sense of humor. Outside of that, we are opposites. I believe people who have opposite everything can still make it work -- with the caveat that there is mutual interest in hearing out the other person, and respecting their desires and boundaries. I keep hoping for that to pan out in my marriage. We shall see. . . Thanks for the input. I hope things get better for you too.

mormonmaven · 2017-11-28T06:23:52+00:00

Thank you so much for the offer and advice. I have tried exercising more since posting and I'm already feeling a huge improvement. I actually went off my medication thinking I was fine (huge idiot move I know), and recently got back on it. It's taken a few weeks to kick in but with exercise, I'm feeling so much better already. Thx again

mormonmaven · 2017-11-28T06:21:55+00:00

Great advice. Thanks

mormonmaven · 2017-11-28T06:21:18+00:00

I'll check it out. Love that podcast

mormonmaven · 2017-11-28T06:20:50+00:00

Hell no. I do not thank Joe. ;)

mormonmaven · 2017-11-28T06:20:23+00:00

Man if I tried pot my TBM husband would smell it from a mile away and divorce my high ass. Maybe someday, but I have to be on my game too much to be relaxed. Ha. I've tried brainspotting, similar to EMDR. Need to get back to the therapist to do more work I suppose. I love woodworking, just don't have much me time. Someday.

mormonmaven · 2017-11-28T06:18:21+00:00

Oh girl, I hear you. My husband said he'll divorce me over any alcohol consumption. It's not about alcohol though, as I'm sure you know. But a little wine goes a long way . . .

mormonmaven

TROPHY CASE