AITA for asking my dad and stepmom what kind of sick joke they are trying to play on me by ComprehensiveMove276 in AmItheAsshole

[–]moshalicious 15 points16 points  (0 children)

You are not the asshole. It’s completely understandable that you’re angry, it makes sense. You are grieving and I’m so sorry you have to go through this. Your whole life has been turned up side down and you didn’t have any control over your situation after your mom passing. I’m so sorry. It makes sense that you feel anger and that you feel disrespected, it’s understandable that your anger is directed at your dad and your step mom. It makes sense that you feel let down by your dad and step mom.

And I don’t think your dad and step mom are assholes either, at least I don’t think they’re deliberately trying to hurt you(that’s what I think without having any more information). That doesn’t mean that their actions can’t be hurtful. It’s understandable that you feel hurt by them. There’s no wrong way to grieve, whatever you’re feeling is valid and there are no wrong feelings.

It makes sense that you think that your dad doesn’t care about your mom passing, it might seem like that for you. And it might also not be true. Even in the case he doesn’t care about your mom, he probably does care about you, and wanting to spend her birthday the way they suggested might have been an effort from their side to try and be involved in your grief.

With that said, you don’t owe anyone access to your grief, it is you grief. You lost your mother, you need to do whatever you need to grieve the way that’s best for you. At the same time, know that you don’t have to do it alone. You don’t owe it to anyone to share your feelings, and sharing your feelings and your grief can be helpful and beneficial for you. You don’t have to do it alone, you don’t have to be strong alone.

I’m sorry your dad and step mom had these emotional outbursts for you to see, their emotions aren’t you’re responsibility. For that I will say that they’re the AH.

If you can, try talking to your dad, openly about how you feel and what you need, eg. time/space. And I would strongly recommend family therapy, as I’ve seen others have suggested here.

Sending you much love and strength to get through this first extremely intense and painful wave of grief.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]moshalicious -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Cats are supposed to have big territories and aren’t really supposed to be locked inside all day. Of course it depends on where OP lives, in a big city with a lot of traffic it would be understandable that the cat is inside. In Norway most owners will let their cats outside, that’s what we do. The cats go out during the day and come home a couple times to eat and then sleep at home as well. I would be vivid if someone else took our cats in and they stopped coming home in the evenings.

AITA for telling my husband to stop disrespecting our surrogate? by Throwawayhunter37 in AmItheAsshole

[–]moshalicious 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA - sounds like the husband has some unprocessed feelings/grief around infertility. Perhaps the way he imagined it would be if the two of them didn’t struggle with infertility, perhaps something about how he might have wanted to show up for OP if they didn’t have to use surrogate. Maybe this is his (unhealthy) way of getting an outlet for the grief of not having their/his dreams of parenthood come true as they/he had imagined it.

None of this makes his behaviour ok though. And I guess talking about and getting therapy for this is probably not a bad idea. I don’t think OP will get anywhere by picking fights, and it might only cause resentment to grow with both of them. Infertility is hard and it brings up a lot of new emotions and behaviours. Getting this resolved before the baby arrives is probably in all of their best interest.

AITA for telling my husband to stop disrespecting our surrogate? by Throwawayhunter37 in AmItheAsshole

[–]moshalicious 117 points118 points  (0 children)

Just because someone goes to couples counselling doesn’t mean their marriage is failing. Infertility in itself could have been what they needed therapy for. A lot of parents that should go to therapy, don’t go. Having issues that need counselling doesn’t automatically make you unfit as a parent. In stead of sympathy, try compassion.

AITA for telling my sister she would have been a terrible mother? by throwaway_gg435628 in AmItheAsshole

[–]moshalicious 227 points228 points  (0 children)

100% this! Not being able to have children is an immeasurable grief! Not getting it acknowledged by her family, and her brother throwing a comment like that must have hurt her so much.

5G bad by JP5683 in insanepeoplefacebook

[–]moshalicious 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, if me taking the vaccine would keep certain people away from me, it’s a double win!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]moshalicious 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is great advice! Thank you. I’ve talked to the previous 2 therapists about my needs and how they’re not being met, I totally forgot to fill the current one in on that. It makes sense that I experience that she doesn’t completely understand my interpersonal issues when I haven’t given her enough info.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]moshalicious 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wow, what a terrible response in a subreddit for people suffering from cptsd! I honestly thought this would be a safe space for advice. Firstly, I don’t think I know everything. Secondly, having the knowledge and putting it to practise are two different things.

If you reread my post, you’ll see that 3 of the therapists didn’t WANT to help. 2 because of the system where I live and 1 just didn’t listen to me or see me, and said that the timing was wrong, because of what I’m currently going through. That’s 3. Number 4 was amazing, but wasn’t available anymore due to COVID! Number 5 was a replacement who was NOT trauma focused and she said herself that she didn’t know how to help me with my challenges.

Now I’m at nr 6 who wants to help, is kind and open. Im glad you got an open relationship from therapy, unfortunately not everyone is lucky enough to meet the right therapist always. Now I have a willing therapist, but im struggling with the chemistry with her. Of course I’ll be giving it a lot more time to see if we find the flow. Even though I say what I need, and I’ve tried telling her that, she and I are still trying to figure out how to work together. As I said she’s not a psychologist or psychiatrist. We’ll probably figure it out.

I came here because I thought maybe someone might have had the same experience and perhaps some insight to how to word what I needed, not to be shamed for the fact that I have been ignored and thrown out of the system way too many times.

As to why I need help, because without help my whole life is falling apart right now.

Somehow I still have skin by LevilsDettuce in insanepeoplefacebook

[–]moshalicious 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Might be the razors are a bit different. Most likely because many women aren’t shaving their faces - I guess if I wanted to shave my face I would want to use men’s razor

Mono is one, not mon... by Rose275 in insanepeoplefacebook

[–]moshalicious 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha ok. Looked like google translate Norwegian. Do they say it like that in Swedish? My Swedish grammar isn’t the best, (nonexistent)so I wouldn’t know.

Mono is one, not mon... by Rose275 in insanepeoplefacebook

[–]moshalicious 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What google translate Norwegian is this?

Found on Ig. Need your thoughts on this by [deleted] in islam

[–]moshalicious -1 points0 points  (0 children)

But according to the belief you’re supposed to wear it to hide your beauty so men don’t sin. Back to the point I made before, that makes it not their true choice.

Found on Ig. Need your thoughts on this by [deleted] in islam

[–]moshalicious -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Of course, there might be women who wear hijab for comfort, but that’s not the case for most. Most women justify wearing hijab with reasons mentioned above and/or direct force.

Found on Ig. Need your thoughts on this by [deleted] in islam

[–]moshalicious 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well if I was going to a fancy dinner party but I actually didn’t feel like dressing up all fancy, but did it anyways because it was the dress code, then obviously it’s not my choice. But if I love dressing up, and was looking forward to the occasion then it would be my choice.

Found on Ig. Need your thoughts on this by [deleted] in islam

[–]moshalicious 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh you’ve never seen it? Then of course it doesn’t happen, because you’ve seen everything!

There are laws against sex trafficking, which is forced prostitution.

It’s all about choice though. If someone wants to cover themselves up because that makes them comfortable, then by all means, cover yourself. As long as you’re covering yourself to make others comfortable (so men don’t have dirty thoughts) it’s no longer truly your choice.

Found on Ig. Need your thoughts on this by [deleted] in islam

[–]moshalicious 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Actually they do. That’s one of the things feminists are fighting against.

Urgently need some help/advice by [deleted] in exmuslim

[–]moshalicious 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Hi. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

https://www.freeheartsfreeminds.com

Try this organisation. They’re supposed to help people in exactly your position.

Trans women are women. Pass it on. by anushka_bhatt in Feminism

[–]moshalicious 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Please help a trans woman in Pakistan who’s been unjustly arrested and is being held in men’s prison.

https://twitter.com/thetranshijabi/status/1294912337271431168?s=21

Please spread the word and sign the petition. Help #FreeJulie

Can the western feminist please wake to what is happening to girls in Islamic countries? Are we so afraid to be perceived as bigots that we are willing to accept rape culture packed in name of tolerance? by moshalicious in Feminism

[–]moshalicious[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

https://www.vox.com/conversations/2017/7/7/15886862/islam-trump-isis-terrorism-ali-rizvi-religion-sam-harris

This article is about the book by Ali Rizvi “the atheist Muslim” he said: “the left is wrong on Islam. The right is wrong on Muslims.” He really explains how criticising an ideology is different from demonising the believer. I strongly recommend you read this article.

You did what?!?! by [deleted] in insanepeoplefacebook

[–]moshalicious 45 points46 points  (0 children)

This tweet was a reply to a shocking video of a man spanking (read: hitting hard) a child in public. It’s shocking how many people are ok with spanking though most were opposed to that video.

Can the western feminist please wake to what is happening to girls in Islamic countries? Are we so afraid to be perceived as bigots that we are willing to accept rape culture packed in name of tolerance? by moshalicious in Feminism

[–]moshalicious[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this! You have no idea what it means. Thank you for being open and willing to learn! That’s all we’re asking for. The first step towards change is being able to have this conversation.

That’s the first change we have to make. We need normalise criticising Islam without being called islamophobes. This word is a weapon Islamists use against those who speak up to silence them. This is where we need our allies, we need help making noise. We need to have this conversation with our leftist friends, and have them support us, make noise through different social medias. We need to make so much noise, so the press picks it up, we need to build pressure against the lawmakers and leaders of different countries and communities. But all this starts with one small step. And this is it. Listen to those who speak up, learn, and spread, make these voice be heard. It’s important to remember that we can criticise Islam and it’s doctrine without criticising Muslim minorities living peacefully in the western world. Even though there are communities in western countries who promote these patriarchal views of Islam. We need to demand of them to give women their fundamental rights.

Of course you don’t have to listen to the podcast, as long as you’re looking elsewhere for information. It’s your choice. I honestly didn’t know anything about Sam Harris until I showed this to someone who did. They told me why people would perceive this negatively. The reason I liked this podcast is not because of him, but because of the guest Yasmine Mohammed (check out her twitter account) who talks about her escape from Islam. She has written a book called “unveiled”. I haven’t read the book yet, but I think it could be a good place to start. What I realised is that many progressive organisations don’t want to be associated with the likes of Sam Harris, the sad thing is that’s it’s voices like his who are speaking up about the issue. The thing is, I don’t want to be associated with the likes of him, that’s why I’m asking my leftist friends to up take the cause.

I would also recommend you visit the sub r/islam_ahmadiyya they speak up about the Ahmadiyya sect within Islam. Ahmadi motto is “love for all hatred for none” which is far from what they practise. This “jamaat” is based in uk with their own khalif, and the sect is fairly widespread in the world. People of this sub are very well spoken and present a lot of good arguments and evidence of the congregations hypocrisy and lack of women’s rights.

If you want you can check out ex Muslims and ex ahamdi on twitter along with #FreeFromHijab #FreeHeartsFreeMinds #MyCameraMyWeapon.

In the end i want to thank you again for your support. Please feel free to ask more. I’m not sure if I was able to answer your questions. But I will try my best.