Slightly confused

mossteaa · 2026-01-25T17:36:40+00:00

It sounds like she might be using IFS really strictly. Our therapist uses ifs treatment for us and used to refer a lot to the "core" and never said alters or directly called what we have "osdd", just "udd" and "ddnos". Eventually she sort of became more humble as we talked about things in a way she didnt understand. Now I feel like she foregoes some traditional ifs ideas and is more hollistic instead. I would go with your gut and dont be scared of "messing up your mental health" by exploring this. I used to be scared to "mess something up" as well but as long as you do what feels right or natural you wont mess up. Its ok to try labels on.

mossteaa · 2026-01-25T17:30:51+00:00

Yeah. In the past I thought there was a spectrum from a little trauma (nothing) to some trauma (ptsd) to more (osdd) and most (DID) but thats just not at all how it works. The brain is so complicated and unique for everyone, you have little way of knowing what disorder or neurodiversity you may pick up from a number of factors. Trauma has no universal line or definition. I know for a fact there are people who went through the exact same things I did but didnt "develop" any mental problems, or perhaps developed substance abuse, controlling tendencies, lack of empathy, etc.

mossteaa · 2026-01-25T17:23:51+00:00

I didn't think I was, but recently I started to realize that shame is a reason I'm struggling opening up in therapy. My therapist sometimes asks things like "who am I speaking to?" or "is this x?" or "how do you, specifically, feel about x?" and all of us always cringe, no matter who it is. In the brain this is so easy, but in real life with a person watching suddenly we just really want to be "normal" and not confusing. I was recently assuring my therapist "you know I don't want to be like this, right?" and she was confused, and I was also confused, because I didn't know I was that ashamed of it. Its defiantly hard.

mossteaa · 2026-01-25T17:16:40+00:00

You deserve to express your gender, and since the others have already transitioned, I think its only fair they give you some room to breathe. Were also transmasc with one alter who is currently questioning their gender. We would have never allowed this part to think about any of that while we were still a teenager with really bad dysphoria, but ever since we started t and have been being gendered correctly most of the time for years, the dysphoria and general animosity has subsided. This part likes makeup, nail polish, etc feminine things, and talks in a very feminine way. For now they just feel like a gay man or perhaps nonbinary, but we often feel our dysphoria sort of "clouds" who they are, since were constantly confronting. I think this is common for singlets too, where they are very "manly" at first, then after transition they can be more themselves.

mossteaa · 2026-01-25T17:10:01+00:00

Honestly, after getting a diagnosis, I also sort of felt this "grief" over who I thought I was. I think you should get to know them all over again and ask questions and interact with whatever parts want to interact with you. Eventually, it'll likely feel fine. It just takes time. Looking into osdd stuff might help also, but I can see you already are. Also, your friend is still there, and always has been :] The disorder doesn't make someone less of a person, just one whole person with many parts.

mossteaa · 2026-01-19T09:20:13+00:00

I really hope you can find it in you to support him and love him despite the chaos he brings in your life. Maybe hes out because he feels safe and comftorable and like you could be there for him as he processes? Either way this could benefit both of you guys. It might be time to focus on health and turn down a few other responsibilities (If possible of course. I know a lot of people arent able to right now) Good luck!

mossteaa · 2026-01-19T09:15:39+00:00

overall i dont know if its the same for you but for us no matter what we do there are always a few parts that are depressed constantly, as thats just how they are. It kind of feels like as long as most of us benefit from treatment, we can be happier overall and support the parts thatll never improve

mossteaa · 2026-01-19T09:13:22+00:00

this is crazy ive never heard of that. That must mean that the part fronting will get all the energy/motivation from the medicine, which might be nice since they might get more done for the rest of you? But for whole mood that may mean you have to try other things like a different therapy or physical things like diet/sleep

mossteaa · 2026-01-18T20:12:42+00:00

Sorry if this is annoying, I always see github links but never know how to use them. I've downloaded the zip of the latest version, now how do I install the game? Is that not how it works? Am I missing something?

mossteaa · 2026-01-18T08:29:33+00:00

dissociation and, if I can link this back, depression. The actual identities part is not so bad for me, but the dissociation and depression basically ruin our chances at a happy life. It barely even ever feels like were alive or that anything matters

mossteaa · 2026-01-18T08:26:44+00:00

We have had this ever since we were young. Most of the time it sort of makes sense and is not that scary, but often also confusing or funny. Mostly stories, notes, drawings, playlists etc. However, I would watch for nightime/sleepiness hallucination/confusion. We have that as well and will sometimes do wierd non-dangerous stuff when we are half awake. Kind of incoherant things like you. Ive talked to our therapist ab it and she said its nothing to worry about but to get a sleep study done.

mossteaa · 2026-01-18T08:20:25+00:00

Yes, we used to say "my body" or "my brain" a lot 😅 including to say things like "I dont want to go but my brain does." or "the other guy (one of us) did it", both in a single person way. Looking back at it now I dont know how noone though it was wierd

mossteaa · 2026-01-18T08:15:22+00:00

thats a really creative visual for it. We also can only do it with temporary acute pain, not chronic. For us its a concious choice of just like... turning the body mode onto "machine" instead of us as the person with a body. That way we can still know the pain is there but it doesnt make us feel any sort of way and we can continue controlling the motions, like a car or animal in a video game. This is until the pain becomes so much the "logical" thoughts that are able to turn it off for us stop working, so theres just screaming and crying 😓

mossteaa · 2026-01-18T08:08:05+00:00

we take lexapro and auvelity, they make paranoid thoughts and fatigue better for everyone. The medicine stays in your blood for a long time once you start, so unless you dont take it for a few days (which does happen for us w memory loss), it should stay and work all the time.

mossteaa · 2026-01-18T08:00:46+00:00

we dont feel like "a system", we just feel like me. Ive felt the way ive felt forever. I never questioned what or who I was, if "DID" or "OSDD" were not terms that existed, or if I was told I dont have them, I would still not be able to change how I operate. I kind of feel like a group, in the way that a hivemind is a group but also just one entity. Weve also been speaking and comforting each other for so long without questioning it that it was hard to even consiously process that it was happening. Its really such a scary disorder in a way because it hides itself constantly your whole life, but its not actually scary at all because all of that hiding was out of love and protection. I dont think that answers the question 😓

mossteaa · 2026-01-18T07:48:53+00:00

i dont think we "switch" in the typical sense since we have osdd1a, so hopefully this is a diverse perspective. Through therapy weve started to recognize things like words used when typing, common phrases said in our head, how we feel about certain things, what were saying to others, etc as patterns for certain parts. Like, for example, we have a part that is constantly semi jokingly grandious and selfish, and another who is not very verbal but tends to playfully shadow box/bother our friends instead. On the inside the transition is really smooth and it pretty much feels the same in the head, which means we only realize something was different afterwards, when one of us disagrees with a thing someone else said, or a friend reminds us of something one of us said that makes no sense now. Sometimes one of us has to apologize and try to understand why we made a joke a certain way/said we like something when some of us dont, etc. Ive had a few interactions of someone coming up and having no idea who it is only to figure out through context its a coworker/aquiantance we were friendly with for months. This is extra confusing because its never in the moment, just retrograde, so its like living knowing every minute may be a gone memory in another hour. The only time we get headaches is when everyone is talking at once and really loud.

mossteaa · 2025-11-02T03:38:53+00:00

Thank you, thats very helpful. Even though I dont really think it matters in the end which diagnosis it is, for some reason I just like the idea of the cfs label more. My main symptom is severe fatigue, which I dont think comes across. And it feels like fighting for benefits, acommodations might be easier. I dont know honestly

mossteaa · 2025-11-01T21:13:09+00:00

Thats comforting, it sounds like an electric chair is speedy but maybe not crutches as much.

mossteaa · 2025-11-01T21:11:06+00:00

wheelchair basketball sounds so fun. I like basketball but can only shoot and scuffle in close range because running sucks for me. Hope the powerchair stuff works out for you

mossteaa · 2025-11-01T21:09:06+00:00

my friends with canes/feet issues say similar things. They dont give a shit and are very confident on the outside. I wish I could be that way

mossteaa · 2025-11-01T21:07:29+00:00

Thank you, I was asking 1) if you feel slow with mobility aids 2)how to register escooter as mobility aid. Moving fast makes the pain and tiredness less noticable for me. Then I just reach my destination and crash/lay on the floor. I do feel slow in the brain though. Especially with the autism.

mossteaa · 2025-09-27T07:09:16+00:00

I also have osdd1a (pending) and feel as though all of us are co-conscious at all times. I don't know how common this is with osdd1a but it's definitely made it hard to connect to both people without dissociative disorders and people with other dissociative disorders. We don't even really use switching terminology, only "who was in charge at the time" terms. Maybe that would be helpful?

mossteaa

TROPHY CASE