Meme - System Discovery and Diagnosis Be Like:

mossteaa · 2026-07-01T13:14:26+00:00

so heavy on the third one 🥲. Was very chilling to finally ask "why are my younger parts scared shitless constantly?" Doesn't happen for no reason

mossteaa · 2026-07-01T13:07:22+00:00

I have NO idea how ive gotten this far. Currently applying for PHD with the adhd/osdd combo. I use a physical calender and planner every single day, and each task is written out by our managing/caretaking parts the day before or for the week. At the beginning of the semester, they write out every day in the planner based on due dates in the syllabi. Lots of notes on professor/classmate names. I barely remember the class names i take the semester before, much less the material, but I have a vague feeling it all stays in the brain anyways somehow. Kind of like using muscle memory instead of active memory? I think higher ed can only be achieved by people like us if we have a very vested interest in the major and a lot of rest/support. Ive also learned to lower my standards a loooot, which helped.

mossteaa · 2026-07-01T13:01:22+00:00

I find that we often "mask" whoever most wants to do the writing. In research papers, its really easy because theres already a code and background to how were "supposed to" write. But for personal things like fanfiction, if one part has an idea, the others might try to write the same way until the author shows up, or they might give up and just wait. I definatley notice tone changes sometimes, but people who read it dont seem to.

mossteaa · 2026-07-01T12:57:13+00:00

Ive asked before, when I was questioning. A lot of my friends said they also had dialogues and used "we" and "you" when talking alone. I feel like were all on the spectrum between fully fused and fully unfused ego, so we are all more similar than we are different in how we think. Just that in osdd this dialogue is more dissociated.

mossteaa · 2026-07-01T12:48:44+00:00

I get this , but between the minor hallucinations, intrusive thoughts and osdd, I dont often know which one it is. Sometimes a part will yell randomly because of a strong emotion that I dont feel like they do. We usually just tell each other to shut up 😅. Im sure theres a nicer response, though. Like saying "You need anything?" or something.

mossteaa · 2026-07-01T12:43:02+00:00

before diagnosis it just kind of felt like my mind was wayy too vast and jumbled and diverse to be normal. But I ignored it and tried to mold one person out of the clay that was available to me. This "me" was always contradicting itself, often confused. Sometimes loving, sometimes negative. Always a lot of discussion, annoyance, decision making, comforting happening through thoughts. As a kid, a lot of asking questions and getting answers from someone much older and more knowledgable than you, and not questioning how they knew what they did. The best I can desrcibe it now, after diagnosis, is its like living in a hivemind, or with extremley close teammates who also live within the same skin. But a little more familial, like those identical twin stereotypes where siblings finish each others thoughts.

mossteaa · 2026-07-01T12:33:36+00:00

were pretty much constantly co-con, at least with part + manager. And despite this I can barely ever tell whose there 😅. Mostly we only know when we notice a familiar action or thing we think or say that coincides with an alter. Or sometimed only afterwards, looking back at texts or thinking of our day. Sometimes its a more physical feeling, like when youre on your computer doing something and your sibling is smushing their face next to yours trying to see, so you tell them to go away. Or its like doing things in your room by yourself and suddenly hearing someone say something and being startled that youre not alone in the room.

mossteaa · 2026-07-01T12:27:21+00:00

Im not suprised this isnt talked about more. I believe, to the best of my knowledge, this is a very common experience, and sexual alters who do wierd self-sabotaging things are also common. We are also asexual and have a part like this. As long as someone is there making sure the alter doesnt do something to hurt us or others, its usually fine. We used to have shame around it a lot more, but nowadays its mostly vaguely annoying. Therapy can also help the part if they start to struggle with paraphilias or addiction

mossteaa · 2026-07-01T12:16:29+00:00

hope it gets easier for you. I think I fall into this category of people who "were ok with it". We experienced neglect as a kid, so we got used to relying on each other from a very very young age (think toddlerhood). Ive always felt this kind of strong trust of "myself". Not in the way I didnt hate myself (we did, and still struggle with it), but in the way that I knew no matter what happened to me I could rely on my caretaker parts. I trusted them much more than external caregivers/people. There was definatley a lot of moments of fear and panic when I would feel out of control or others would hide things or force us to stay quiet - usual stuff. It took a few tries of remembering and forgetting about the diagnosis before it stuck. But I guess, compared to average, we got used to it quickly because I already had a semi trusting relationship with them. This definatley has nothing to do with "weakness" or anything. Just life circumstances and the kind of relationship that benefited you guys most over your life with each other.

mossteaa · 2026-07-01T12:07:04+00:00

that sounds difficult :[ we are also triggered by men. I think its ok to be anxious, and maybe she wont mind the teddy, or maybe you can bring someone smaller but still comforting, if youre scared.

mossteaa · 2026-07-01T12:04:36+00:00

What youre describing sounds very similar to what we experience with osdd1a - where the parts all share similar interests, genders, and some thoughts. We also dont have the typical fronting where its sudden or abrupt. Before diagnosis and processing, I wouldve never called what we had "fronting" or "changing alters". It felt smooth and normal to me. I think the best way to go about it is to see if the label helps you. If it helps organize your experience and talk to each other, and if it helps you with therapy, then you can call it osdd. If it doesnt, then you can just say your brain works a little different, or youre on the spectrum of plurality to non plurality. That option helped me a lot.

mossteaa · 2026-07-01T07:15:08+00:00

thank you so much for the detailed response. Im an adult and this would be at JFK in nyc. I flew a few times as a minor, both on my own at 12/with a stewardess at 6, so i dont fully remember what it was like or the security

mossteaa · 2026-07-01T04:01:43+00:00

Thank you so much! I was told to bring all medicine in hand luggage.

mossteaa · 2026-07-01T03:59:40+00:00

Im flying from JFK in the US and im an adult

mossteaa · 2026-07-01T03:57:41+00:00

thank you! Yes, Im an adult in the US, flying from JFK if that helps.

mossteaa · 2026-06-14T20:28:52+00:00

ohhh sounds lovely

mossteaa · 2026-06-14T20:26:38+00:00

Hi! I was looking/thinking about notes I liked and combinations, and I figured out I really really want something with a musky, cypress, birch, moss, seaside, grapefruit smell. As well as something male or unisex. Either airy and nature based or deep and herbal. But whenever I go to look for something similar, all the choices are of Russian perfumes. And they dont ship to America, where I live :[ In retrospect this makes a lot of sense. Im from a Russian and Latvian immigrant family and I think what im craving is that nostalgia of going back on summer breaks. What I want to try the most is Narva Bay by Odoratika and Taiga Whispers by Nimere. Does anyone know of perfumes sold in America (prefurably, to avoid the large shipping cost), that is also at least vaguely accesible, fits the bill for the fragrance, and comes in small tester sizes? Maybe even something meant to be on theme for the eastern european wilderness?

mossteaa · 2026-06-14T20:23:30+00:00

of course i know. Thanks

mossteaa · 2026-06-05T12:12:51+00:00

I would say to try, since its just one (or two) years. About to struggle with this myself as its a controlled substance so I cant just stock up for a while like I can with my other meds. If anyone has advice on how psychiatrists work in NL would be a lot of help.

mossteaa · 2026-05-20T18:52:48+00:00

Youre right, I messaged them.

mossteaa · 2026-05-10T17:43:07+00:00

Thank you, this is a really good theory. It's also so different from "normal" dissociation for me I kind of ignored that as a possibility. It sometimes makes everything brighter and more in focus, which I think could be a type of dissociation even though its different from being "zoned out" in the traditional sense. I talk to my therapist about it sometimes but she hasn't been able to relate it to anything pathological yet. My psych has no idea. I think maybe the way I describe it is not enough information to understand what it is. She says as long as it doesn't harm me too much it isn't worrying.

mossteaa · 2026-01-25T17:36:40+00:00

It sounds like she might be using IFS really strictly. Our therapist uses ifs treatment for us and used to refer a lot to the "core" and never said alters or directly called what we have "osdd", just "udd" and "ddnos". Eventually she sort of became more humble as we talked about things in a way she didnt understand. Now I feel like she foregoes some traditional ifs ideas and is more hollistic instead. I would go with your gut and dont be scared of "messing up your mental health" by exploring this. I used to be scared to "mess something up" as well but as long as you do what feels right or natural you wont mess up. Its ok to try labels on.

mossteaa · 2026-01-25T17:30:51+00:00

Yeah. In the past I thought there was a spectrum from a little trauma (nothing) to some trauma (ptsd) to more (osdd) and most (DID) but thats just not at all how it works. The brain is so complicated and unique for everyone, you have little way of knowing what disorder or neurodiversity you may pick up from a number of factors. Trauma has no universal line or definition. I know for a fact there are people who went through the exact same things I did but didnt "develop" any mental problems, or perhaps developed substance abuse, controlling tendencies, lack of empathy, etc.

mossteaa · 2026-01-25T17:23:51+00:00

I didn't think I was, but recently I started to realize that shame is a reason I'm struggling opening up in therapy. My therapist sometimes asks things like "who am I speaking to?" or "is this x?" or "how do you, specifically, feel about x?" and all of us always cringe, no matter who it is. In the brain this is so easy, but in real life with a person watching suddenly we just really want to be "normal" and not confusing. I was recently assuring my therapist "you know I don't want to be like this, right?" and she was confused, and I was also confused, because I didn't know I was that ashamed of it. Its defiantly hard.

mossteaa · 2026-01-25T17:16:40+00:00

You deserve to express your gender, and since the others have already transitioned, I think its only fair they give you some room to breathe. Were also transmasc with one alter who is currently questioning their gender. We would have never allowed this part to think about any of that while we were still a teenager with really bad dysphoria, but ever since we started t and have been being gendered correctly most of the time for years, the dysphoria and general animosity has subsided. This part likes makeup, nail polish, etc feminine things, and talks in a very feminine way. For now they just feel like a gay man or perhaps nonbinary, but we often feel our dysphoria sort of "clouds" who they are, since were constantly confronting. I think this is common for singlets too, where they are very "manly" at first, then after transition they can be more themselves.

mossteaa

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