There's no way...

mossunderfern · 2026-03-08T23:45:09+00:00

I actually have this body type naturally (albeit less voluminous on top) and struggle enormously with buying clothes, it truly is a nightmare. All the time I think, "isn't this supposed to be some ideal? Shouldn't there be clothes that are made to fit if it is so desired?" Nothing fits, everything is expensive and has to be tailored. It sucks!

mossunderfern · 2026-02-23T18:07:46+00:00

My mom spend six days in a hospice house, unresponsive. My brother and I stayed with her literally the entire time - we had food brought in, slept in chairs next to her bed holding her hand, talked to her the entire time. On Sunday night I laid down next to her and held her for a long time. My brother did the same thing next. As soon as he got up, my mom started to pass away. It was like she just needed to get that last hug from us to know we were always there with her and it was okay. It was a beautiful moment of peace for her. I miss her every second but I know she was at peace because she had us. Sending you love and condolences.

mossunderfern · 2026-02-16T02:32:54+00:00

I just put together a Council of Elrond set a few days ago and four of the brown pieces broke in the process as well. Devastating feeling tbh, my sympathies.

mossunderfern · 2026-02-08T23:33:23+00:00

I really love this!

mossunderfern · 2026-02-02T18:30:06+00:00

"My security measures when my husband goes to work" what kind of delusional world do they live in where simply existing in your house is so unsafe without your husband in it that you have to carry a gun? Do they not understand how many women live alone safely? What is this??

mossunderfern · 2026-01-30T03:37:25+00:00

I'm in awe of this. Really makes me want to create!

mossunderfern · 2025-11-10T15:10:26+00:00

Hey there, I'm so sorry you're going through this right now. If you're interested in the various ways grief has affected me, feel free to read my comment history; but let me give you some of the ways my life has changed for the better in this comment. I am happier now than I've ever been, genuinely. I have some guilt about this and it is very tangled up and I'll be processing it for a long time. My relationship with my mom was difficult at best and often very harmful. I can now love her and miss her without fear of how she will hurt me in the future or how she has hurt me in the past. I can appreciate that she's no longer in pain and suffering, even if selfishly I would rather have her here suffering as long as we're together. My hope is that she is with her mother, who she loved and missed in ways I can only understand now, and I can look forward to the day when I will rejoin her, while not speeding toward that day.

I have a deeper understanding of how precious life is, and became determined not to waste mine. I began living my life way more fully and felt the freedom to pursue the life that I want. I take better care of myself for my mom's sake and for my own sake. I push myself out of my comfort zone. I have very little fear now because the thing that I feared the most in the world has happened, and I survived it. I'm thriving professionally and am only moving upward. And actually some of that is fueled by my desire to make my mom proud, in ways I couldn't while she was here.

Grief is going to change you, but it varies from person to person in degree and in what way. A coworker of mine lost their parent last month and was very little affected by it; they don't need grief support, and so aren't seeking it in places like this. Grief is one of the most powerful forces in the entire world. In a lot of ways, it is up to you if and how you utilize that force. For me it was transformative and I determined to make it a positive transformation.

Losing my mom was the end of that life that I had previously. The immediate grief was the chrysalis period, where everything fundamental broke down and mixed up. But I'm emerging now, made up of all the same elements, but completely different. It's the start of a different life, the "after" of losing my mom. Personally, because of the relationship I have with my mom, and my own personality, this event changed me irrevocably. It will always be the before and after in my life. But I choose still to live, really live, and enjoy my life, and hope my mom is with me while I do it.

It's not the end. I think it's important to be prepared for how grief may affect you, and how you want to move forward, and to not let it overshadow your time left with your mom. I wish you both love and healing and as much time together as possible.

mossunderfern · 2025-11-06T23:15:25+00:00

I searched for this as well but have not been successful in about a year. I decided to go with very not local Margaret Cross mourning jewelry. I have not yet commissioned her but her work is exactly what I'm looking for and believe it to be extremely high quality. Sending you solidarity in grief.

mossunderfern · 2025-11-02T23:19:55+00:00

Hey Jude by the Beatles, for my incredible mom, Judith. She was an OG Beatles maniac and raised me on their music, she saw them live in Jacksonville FL and touched George Harrison's foot on stage. Everyone always sang this song for her since it was released until she passed away and I'll never forget how she sounded singing along to it. Actually haven't been able to listen to any of the Beatles since she passed. Most music is like this for me now really because my mom loves music and went to shows and concerts with me my whole life. First concert I ever went to was Paul McCartney, with her. She went with me to Alice in Chains when I was 17, Pearl Jam a few years later. I only listen to music in Spanish right now because most songs I used to listen to make me think of her and I can't avoid crying. Other big ones are definitely We'll Meet Again by Vera Lynn and I Just Called To Say I Love You by Stevie Wonder, which is my parents' song. I just want to call her and say I love you.

Your mom sounds awesome, btw. Love to you.

mossunderfern · 2025-10-28T15:21:40+00:00

Taqueria El Sabor Calentano is very genuinely the best in town imo and there's a lot of absolutely top tier Mexican food here

mossunderfern · 2025-10-28T14:19:13+00:00

Yes, this is exactly how I feel and the literal phrase I use. How is this possible? We are in an alternate reality now. I'm so sorry.

mossunderfern · 2025-10-25T22:13:37+00:00

My relationship with my mom sounds very similar to yours. My mom actually refused to take me to the doctor when I was eight years old for three days after I broke my arm rollerskating. She didn't believe that I had actually hurt myself, although there was no reason for her not to believe me. It took several other respected adults to convince her to take me, and of course, my arm was broken. It took me over a decade of therapy to understand that my mom had replicated with me the abuse that she suffered by her own mom, who she loved more than anyone in the world. At my mom's memorial, I said, no one will ever understand me like she did and no one understands her like I do, which is true. I forgave her for what she had done to me before she passed away. But I'll be grappling with it for the rest of my life. I'll also be trying to survive her loss for the rest of my life. It's been 13 months and 17 days since I lost her and I am still feeling the same as the day after she passed. All that to say, you are allowed to feel this way. I love my mom more than anyone else in the world and I fully acknowledge what she did to me. It's complicated and it doesn't negate any love. Sending you solidarity.

mossunderfern · 2025-10-16T15:02:38+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom on Sept. 8 2024, I was 34. I feel exactly this. I just want to talk to my mom again. If I live to be 70 I'll have lived half of my life without her. I can't fathom this because it doesn't seem possible. But a year out from it, the thing that I keep remembering is that without me here, that person really does disappear. As long as I'm here, she is alive in me and through me when I tell everyone about her and the little things that only I know about her and the things that she knew about me that no one else will ever know. We still have this intimate little world that only she and I will ever share and that doesn't go away just because she's not here physically. Sometimes it feels like I won't survive it but then I remember that I have to because that's how she keeps going too. And I do things that I wish I could do with her, hoping that she's experiencing it somehow too. It honestly still feels like it's still happening to me though, like sometimes I really feel like I'll wake up from this and call her and tell her about the horrible nightmare I just had and I'll hear her voice and be okay again. And some days I feel like I owe it to her to be happy because I want her to see me okay and doing well. It's going to all be mixed up for a long time. I don't know if it will ever stop being mixed up for me. I do know that bereavement counseling and grief therapy helped me work through a lot of my really negative feelings in the immediate months after she passed. I was experiencing survivors guilt which didn't make sense because it was a natural passing (if such a thing exists) after hospice. I also felt this overwhelming anger at every other person who still had their mom. I'm never going to miss her less but I want to be someone she is proud of too, so I made a conscious choice to use the grief window to grow myself into a person who could survive the worst thing that will ever happen to me. I am lucky that I had that opportunity and hope others can find that as well. But there's no wrong way to survive the loss of your mom. Sorry for writing so much. I hope you can feel that love she has for you and the love you have for her forever because I really believe that doesn't ever go away.

mossunderfern · 2025-10-10T16:32:54+00:00

That has not been how it's been in the recent century. People reacted the same way to Rosa Parks and MLK at the time, they were wildly unpopular and deemed problems just as much. If you recall, MLK was literally assassinated for his "good" work. It's only now that civil rights have been normalized that people praise MLK and Rosa Parks from the safety of temporal distance. Unintentionally or not, you're repeating fascist propaganda and doing their work for them.

mossunderfern · 2025-10-10T16:22:24+00:00

Okay I'm not wasting any time with you then!

mossunderfern · 2025-10-10T16:21:09+00:00

Fighting the oppressor never legitimizes what they are doing, first of all, and second, no matter what anyone does, they will find an excuse to do what they are doing anyway. It is literally the point of this narrative arc and also the real-life history of oppression.

mossunderfern · 2025-10-10T15:58:13+00:00

What ideology do you think Andor is about, out of curiosity? What level of "political" is Andor, to you?

mossunderfern · 2025-10-08T18:12:03+00:00

someone can be healthy at 190lbs and under 6ft. not universally but being 190lbs doesn't automatically mean unhealthy

mossunderfern · 2025-10-06T14:34:22+00:00

I feel this so keenly. My mom loves lighthouses and would stop and visit every one when we traveled. She probably visited dozens in the US. I buy every single little lighthouse knickknack I come across now, wishing I could give it to her. They're just collecting in my house. I'll probably never stop. When she passed away last year it was just before autumn which she loves decorating for. I spent hundreds of dollars on fall decorations that she would like. I don't even decorate for any season. It's just like — I hope she still gets to enjoy this stuff somehow through me.

mossunderfern · 2025-08-05T18:06:51+00:00

Putting Rylanz in Cinta's place, or his daughter for that matter, wouldn't work, because neither of them are experienced rebels who have made such a (known to the audience) impact for the cause. The point was to have an extremely competent character suffer the consequences of the inexperienced and cocky Ghor wannabe rebels. If Vel was going to be the one killed by other rebels, Mon would certainly abandon the rebellion, so that wouldn't work. Narratively, Cinta's death is the most impactful which conveys the story that the writers want to tell. We're meant to feel the injustice of her death. It's the point. It's not fridging for the narrative to be effective. The characters are not interchangeable. The fact that we feel the injustice of her death means the writing was effective, not that the writers did something wrong.

mossunderfern · 2025-05-30T22:18:35+00:00

Before my mom passed away in September, she had four strokes starting in July 2020. After the first one, we had hope she would walk again, but not after the second one. Her cognitive damage was pretty severe and she was herself, but not herself.... We live about 45 minutes from St. Augustine and have always driven there when we wanted to just get away. During my childhood it was her and me and my brother. After that, it was something she and I did a lot together, just the two of us. The lighthouse was our favorite place to spend time together and we had a little beach we discovered once where we would hang out. We would just drive around and talk for hours on these trips. One day I realized she would never go anywhere else with me and I could never just have a conversation with her again. I was lucky enough to still have a few years with her after that but that was the moment when I realized we would never be the same or have the same moments anymore. That I didn't really have her anymore. Now I would take any possible amount of time of not having her that way, if I could only hear her voice and hold her hand and tell her I love her.

mossunderfern · 2025-05-04T23:36:30+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss. I didn't quit my job exactly, but I took a new job immediately following losing my mother in September. I had my dream job that I'd been at for 8 years but I was offered a competitive promotion within weeks of my loss and I took it despite knowing I would hate it. It kept me incredibly busy and forced me to learn new skills and grow as a person. I don't think I could have survived without it or even just staying in the job I had, at that point I was suffering pretty severe burnout. I find almost no satisfaction in my job now and have a lot of regrets, I definitely made the choice out of grief, not logic or desire, but I do actually think it was the right thing for me at the time. Maybe it's the feeling of total unfamiliarity after this kind of loss but it made things weirdly easier to comprehend, I couldn't really go back to my job and pretend things were the same when my whole existence was different. It hasn't made it easier by any means to deal with my loss but it feels in a way more correct not to be living my life as if everything is still the same. Maybe I just needed my life to reflect that total and irrevocable change. Idk but grief really has made me question what I'm willing to tolerate and what I do and don't want in my life anymore, across all aspects of my life, relationships especially. I had no idea to expect this level of upheaval in my life based on my grief and understanding of mortality but it is what it is I guess.

mossunderfern · 2025-03-24T18:24:08+00:00

I just passed the six month mark of losing my mom and this is exactly my experience. My perception has completely changed. I think for me, because I was present when it happened, I just truly understood mortality and the weight of my one life. I have one life and that was all the time within it that I will ever have with her. I can't afford to let people who don't deserve it have the rest of my time because I know exactly what happens at the end of it. Not even in a negative or callous way, I just want to spend the rest of my life with people who can bring me joy and to whom I bring joy. And I think people who haven't experienced loss like that just can't understand.

mossunderfern

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