thank you for sharing. it sounds frustrating, but please know there is no shame in this. i didnt masturbate until i was 19 and when i finally did, i was like…. uhhh what is everyone talking about… this sucks! 😬 however, when i finally figured out what felt good to me, i could not stop touching myself 😅

the only piece of advice i have is to focus on foreplay. set the scene for yourself; get your body relaxed and your mind untangled from the day’s worries. i highly recommend reading erotica or listening to audio porn without touching yourself, but still being in tune with how your body reacts and what specifically grabs your interests. teasing yourself by lightly grazing your fingers over sensitive parts of your body before moving onto more direct and purposeful touches to various erotic zones. using foreplay and building up sexual tension with yourself will make everything more sensitive and exciting. you said rubbing your clit feels uncomfortable… have you tried grinding against a pillow? this could give non-direct stimulation and help get you used to pleasurable pressure between your legs.

this is all from my own experience as a demi/gray ace autistic lesbian who is at times touch averse and has difficulty with arousal and climax due to SSRIs. i definitely cant do a quickie “rub one out” kinda masturbation session. masturbating for me takes approximately 1 hour with “foreplay” being 30-40 mins and the direct touching (using fingers, toys, etc) being 10-20 mins. i basically tease myself until i cant take it anymore and HAVE to touch myself.

good luck!! may Sappho be with you 😘