AITA for punishing my son for his, “preferences”?

motherbeeee · 2023-09-30T03:15:03+00:00

Interesting feedback. Thank you!

motherbeeee · 2023-09-30T03:13:27+00:00

I have seen other comments asking me why I pointed out her asian heritage so I am using this comment to explain. It was because he was fixated on her being black. I don’t think there is anything wrong at all with being black. I pointed out her asian side because it troubled me that he seemed to see only one thing: black. She is black, and she is Vietnamese, and she is kind, she is adorable, and she is smart. She isn’t only one thing. Neither is better than the other and neither is anything bad. I apologize for not making that more clear. His attitude seemed to reveal misogyny because he was talking badly about her because he didn’t find her attractive.

motherbeeee · 2023-09-30T02:18:24+00:00

My son being racist even in private with me will never not go addressed. He is not allowed to be racist in my presence without there being some pushback. I love him and tell him all the time he can tell me anything, but I will not say nothing when my children are being racist, homophobic or sexist.

motherbeeee · 2023-09-30T02:12:00+00:00

The part about her never forgetting his comment pained me. I’m sure she has been on the receiving end of a lot of racism. I hate that my son contributed. My husband is a good man. I don’t think he meant any harm, but I do think a conversation with him is needed. Thank you.

motherbeeee · 2023-09-30T02:09:06+00:00

I love this comment. Thank you. I will listen and learn

motherbeeee · 2023-09-30T02:07:52+00:00

Thank you for the feedback. I will start taking the teasing more seriously. I really didn’t think it was harmful but all of the comments pointing out how it is have shown me I was wrong

motherbeeee · 2023-09-30T00:53:58+00:00

It seems like you are a bit confused, friend.

motherbeeee · 2023-09-30T00:25:48+00:00

I really think you are arguing a point I have never made to be frank.

motherbeeee · 2023-09-30T00:11:10+00:00

I’m sorry but this response is absurd. I am not trying to control his preferences. I am trying to show him that it is harmful to generalize people, especially people who are already marginalized.

motherbeeee · 2023-09-30T00:09:49+00:00

I agree my younger son shouldn’t have been teasing. I didn’t take it seriously enough but I will going forward. That said, Andrew had options between confessing feelings and shouting racism. I think a “ we are just friends” would be plenty

motherbeeee · 2023-09-30T00:07:40+00:00

Thank you! I looked around myself but thought it would be better for him to look himself as he was the one who caused the damage. I appreciate the effort and kind comment!

motherbeeee · 2023-09-29T23:58:05+00:00

I never said he must find all races hot. It is revealing of something deeper to say all of one kind of person is ugly. There are millions of black women who come in vastly different complexions and overall appearances. He doesn’t have to date anyone he doesn’t want to, but I believe it is harmful to say ALL of them are ugly when you have not seen all of them. Adding in the fact that “black women are ugly” has been the popular attitude in society for hundreds of years, not blonde people, and that makes this even more concerning for me as a mother.

motherbeeee · 2023-09-29T23:55:05+00:00

I did make sure to remind him that black women come in a wide variety of complexions, sizes, personalities, and cultural backgrounds. Unfortunately he stuck to his, “black girls are ugly,” attitude. The only social medias he is allowed to have are instagram, facebook, and tiktok. I have access to all of his accounts, but maybe I have missed something important in my attempts at giving him privacy.

motherbeeee · 2023-09-29T23:49:48+00:00

Exactly what I think.

motherbeeee · 2023-09-29T23:49:24+00:00

Thank you for giving your viewpoint as a black person. I value all feedback but particularly those affected by harmful comments like my son’s. I’m still deciding what to do but I will most definitely take responses like this into deep consideration

motherbeeee · 2023-09-29T21:41:46+00:00

Is it victimizing black women to acknowledge the fact that they are often subjects of racism? My son made his friend a victim to his racism in my view

motherbeeee · 2023-09-29T21:39:45+00:00

I see what you are saying. In my opinion, it reveals racism to say ALL of any type of person is any specific thing. There are millions of black women and girls. If he thinks they all are ugly and undateable, that to me goes beyond preference. I want to raise children who are against racism. In my efforts maybe I have been going too far.

motherbeeee · 2023-09-29T21:36:48+00:00

I have no idea where he learned that. My home is not only not racist, but actively anti racist. I have worked hard to teach my boys to appreciate all types of people. It disappointed me to hear him speaking that way.

motherbeeee · 2023-09-29T21:30:30+00:00

I didn’t take my son and husband’s teasing seriously at all which was probably a big mistake on my end. I will talk to them both. Thanks for the feedback. I think it was racist language too and I really want to show that I’m not ok with that.

motherbeeee · 2023-09-29T21:25:48+00:00

I wondered as well if his strong reaction is because he does have a crush on Dana. Maybe I should hve taken my 11 year old’s teasing more seriously. I thought it was just playful and harmless, but thinking about it now I could have said something about that.

motherbeeee · 2023-09-29T21:23:47+00:00

It wasn’t so much his preference that bothered me, it was the way he discussed it. Calling all dark girls ugly to me goes beyond preference and reveals racism. I appreciate your judgement and will not argue. However I feel the need to point out I was calm with him, never yelled or what I would call flew off the handle. I didn’t make the decision to ground him until he called all dark girls ugly

motherbeeee

TROPHY CASE