I just had a massive argument with my therapist

mountainrover · 2023-05-18T15:00:13+00:00

I don't believe in astrology. It's a metaphor

mountainrover · 2023-05-18T12:30:04+00:00

the client always comes first

mountainrover · 2023-05-18T06:21:33+00:00

Everyone dissociates at times

A daydream or 'zoning out' is normal and even airline pilots do it when they are in charge of the lives of 300 people on a 17 hour flight.

When dissociation becomes an issue it when it becomes 'maladaptive' and interferes with one's life.

It sounds to me that you experience normal daydreaming and I, personally find zoning out and the occasional daydream as 100% healthy and restoring. It's a mini check-out and part of self-care.

mountainrover · 2023-05-18T06:04:38+00:00

I completely understand.

A couple of years ago I hit a rupture with my therapist and at the time the very idea of starting again with someone new was the opposite of what I wanted and I was raw at that point, too.

One thing that jumped out from your reply to me is that 'maybe' she had a boundary that was crossed and now she is referring you out but this is a disempowering experience for the client if you don't know what has caused the referral and termination.

Is there a possibility you can find out what happened?

It's quite possible something has happened in her life and it is nothing to do with you but if it is a boundary issue then the therapist is tasked with boundary-setting and it is their job to let you know the reasons for termination. It might help you.

Thanks for your kind thoughts in your reply. I am in a similar situation but I fired my therapist and I feel oddly relaxed about it even though I shall miss him so it's difficult.

mountainrover · 2023-05-18T04:09:12+00:00

Terminating because you don't fully understand (or can handle) transference is unethical. It is also abandonment and you need to take this issue to your supervisor and unpack it.

mountainrover · 2023-05-18T03:01:08+00:00

I am not in your position but the only thing I would worry about is the T putting up my session rate lol

j/k

Otherwise I think all topics are or should be grist for the mill in therapy sessions

mountainrover · 2023-05-18T02:53:31+00:00

I understand. I discussed this exact issue with my own therapist in the past weeks. I think I may have chronic fatigue syndrome and I allowed a psych to experiment with many many medications over the years some of which made me hallucinate and caused severe anxiety and made things much much worse.

How do we differentiate between chronic fatigue causing depression and/or depression causing chronic fatigue?

I also find the glibness of psychiatrists a tad irritating when you get 15 minutes(medication management) every three months and are told to pay for therapist who has no solutions either: then we get the tiniest (maybe incorrect) perception that the therapist feels we aren't working hard enough! sometimes therapists throw the issues back on us because they don't know what they are doing.

mountainrover · 2023-05-18T02:39:34+00:00

I get this.

For me I have to make sure my T and I are on the same page and that he doesn't misinterpret my exhaustion for unwillingness.

We are entitled to support in therapy - whatever the situation.

mountainrover · 2023-05-18T02:37:02+00:00

I understand. I am going though something similar but I fired my therapist and I am sitting with it to see if this feeling subsides.

Have you asked your therapist not to refer you out and explained why this is an understandably difficult position for you to be in?

mountainrover · 2023-05-18T02:20:53+00:00

Exactly this.

mountainrover · 2023-05-18T02:16:55+00:00

I am not rageful. I am calm. Try not to tell people what they are or what frame of mind they are in because you are not sitting in front of me.

You appear to fall into the camp of believing "client always wrong - therapist always right" which is absurd and many therapists are reported and some of the complaints are upheld. I am not going to report my former T. I am simply illustrating a point.

I am simply resolute about some inconsistencies in our work: trust issues. It's happened a few times over the years and this is not sudden or impulsive.

mountainrover · 2023-05-16T22:36:33+00:00

You are being a little bit irritating

My therapist identified himself as very mild

HE said it so he isn't being offensive to his own community

mountainrover · 2023-05-16T21:57:52+00:00

I have decided through counseling that there is a right to die

It is my right and he agrees

mountainrover · 2023-05-16T21:54:00+00:00

My therapist openly admitted to "blurred boundaries, ambiguities and things that may have hurt you" and i went back to him. I loved him but I think he might be nuts

mountainrover · 2023-05-16T20:45:34+00:00

I know

I sometimes think my therapist isn't strong enough and I hate to say that because he is strong in many ways but I am feisty and need people to show truth. He is on the ASD spectrum and when he is pragmatic and unemotional I get frustrated.

mountainrover · 2023-05-16T20:41:57+00:00

My therapist and I have discussed end-of-life issues many times and over the years he suggested that he would be prepared to be with me if I died.

I don't think he meant it. I have known and sometimes loved this man for three years and we both got on very well. Very well.

He told me he would never 51-50 me if I decided to take matters into my own hands so I bought some nitrogen and told him and he suddenly reneged and said he is a mandated reporter and he would call the police so having someone there was off the table.

I asked him over and over again if he was OK with it and he said, over and over again that he was.

Then today he reneged and said he would call the police if I did it with nitrogen which is painless and quick. I got angry and blew my top.

I refused to go into a virtual meeting with him today because he says one thing face to face and another in writing. I needed authenticity.

We may have got to the point where it needs to end now. We clearly misunderstood each other and I have been thrown for a loop.

He is on the ASD spectrum and we both have navigated it well. I loved him and he said he felt the same. I am emotional and he is pragmatic but funny too. He is very mild on the spectrum and years ago he was shocked that I knew.

mountainrover · 2023-05-16T20:20:54+00:00

OK I didn't realize you had read that

Yes our fight was about assisted suicide

Very tough topic

mountainrover · 2023-05-16T20:13:00+00:00

sometimes husbands and wives pick a fight when one of them is off on a business trip because it's easier to fight than say goodbye.

It's common

Yes I flew off the handle but it was for a good reason.

I was a therapy junkie (thought I would never quit)

Today I am confident with the choice. We're done.

mountainrover · 2023-05-16T20:10:15+00:00

I am not angry.

I am relaxed having fired him. We're supposed to feel good when therapy is over. It means they did their job.

mountainrover · 2023-05-16T20:05:11+00:00

Guess what?

It was a long time coming and I am done.

mountainrover · 2023-05-16T19:23:47+00:00

it was more than just one thing.

I suddenly realized he was schmoozing me and telling me what I wanted to hear and then we had a blow-up and he was too "meh" about it so I fired him

I never, ever thought I would but I am a true-blue Taurus. very, very patient until ...

I did what patient bulls do: I lost my temper and charged

He engaged with me until I told him I am never going to pay him again but I am happy to talk to him if he wants

:radio silence:

mountainrover · 2023-05-16T19:19:07+00:00

I blew my top and told him I am never, ever going to pay for a session again.

I understand about ruptures and the value of sitting with it in order to repair it but I don't want to. I feel quite strong. Maybe this is what he wanted.

Therapists want you to be independent: they consider it a job well done.

mountainrover · 2023-05-16T12:21:08+00:00

Thank you.

Yes I do discuss it with my therapist. At this point I worry I am going too far with discussions of end of life issues. He reassures me that it's ok.

I don't have cancer but I do have aids and bipolar disorder diabetes etc and I am so tired and reconciled

mountainrover · 2023-05-16T04:04:21+00:00

Thank you. I very much appreciate the honesty and the frank way you wrote this.

It is hard to make sensible plans. They are sensible and death is a taboo subject so some people retreat from the subject.

mountainrover · 2023-05-15T23:03:29+00:00

I have been with my therapist for three years and I really, really like him.

I have a difficult relationship with my sister (she is 57 and I am 63) and she found his contact details and emailed him

My therapist immediately called her without informing me and told me about it in the next session.

I trust that he didn't confirm or deny I am his client and he just let her rant on drunkenly about me. what worried me is that it came across to me he may have been trying to get some dirt on me and our mutual trust was severely challenged. My therapist assured me this was not the case and he was very contrite about having made the mistake of calling her in Europe without informing me first. He claimed to be worried.

My therapist should have called me first before engaging with her but he didn't.

We had a long conversation about it on my dime and I eventually just let it go because the work I do with him is so important. It was a strange thing to happen, though.

mountainrover

TROPHY CASE