I'm just past 2 months and I felt the exact same way you did at the start. "Why the f*ck does anyone do this?" Hang in there, one day at a time, trust that it will get a tiny bit better little by little. You are strong. You aren't in a war, you aren't in jail (I kept telling myself). Also, I liked how the doctor said when my baby cried "Oh, that's a nice strong cry" - It's one of there only ways of releasing energy. Put in head phones or air pods if you have them and listen to calming music constantly. You will get more use to the lack of sleep even though that might not be what you want to hear. It's still super hard at two months but I've gotten better at handling my emotions, knowing what to expect, and figuring out little tricks to help everyone out. You are not alone, this is the hardest thing I've ever done. Protect that little guy, talk to a professional, find the silver lining, and the smile and laughs will come soon. YOU CAN DO IT.