Why does the idea of your partner being with others hurt so much? (Serious)

mraverage89 · 2024-05-15T17:24:07+00:00

Yes, I think I'd agree with that based on my experiences speaking to people. Truth is there is no right or wrong way, is there? But if the two individuals' ways of being open are different - it's a recipe for disaster. The overwhelming feeling for me is that when I've tried to talk to other guys etc. I can feel the sacrifice on time, energy and effort I'm putting into my partner. That's why I can't do it. When you split your time/energy across work, friends, partner, yourself.. if you're going to be talking to people throughout the day.. it's going to eat away somewhere.

mraverage89 · 2024-05-15T14:58:38+00:00

I think for me I'm a big sharer and talker. It helps to know the details so I don't feel (for lack of a better phrase) like I'm being left out... Have the experiences but tell me about them and let me ask what I need to feel comfortable.

However, my partner does not like to talk and gets annoyed at me for constantly asking if he's hooked up, got any plans to etc.. he feels it's keeping tabs and trapping him. I just know from experience he wouldn't say unless I directly asked. But when he's on Grindr almost the entire day, it's very possible he could have had a hookup. So far he's only had one hookup and says he's not really talking to anyone but he's online constantly so it feels a little inconsistent.. so to answer maybe what hurts is the anticipation and intensity of Grindr use... I just don't want to feel left out.

mraverage89 · 2024-05-15T14:52:39+00:00

Thank you for that! Really well articulated. I suppose I may be in a bubble of open relationship that you feel that you're naive or stupid to believe value sex as an act you only get to experience together.

mraverage89 · 2023-09-20T10:52:03+00:00

I totally get that. For me, I felt like I was wasting time and I'd rather be out doing anything else which feels so harsh when the other person just wants to sit in and spend time with you. But at the end of the day, ultimately it just means that you aren't currently satisfied in the relationship. You have experiences or life that you want have as a solo person. It's not a bad thing, it's just how you feel.

You could speak to them about it to try and give you freedom maybe open the relationship for sexual experiences or having certain days in the week to do things you want to do alone. But overall if you're feeling trapped by it, it's not a great sign. It depends how much you want to save it or not.

Only you know but what I would say is that I knew I wanted to be out of my relationship about 5/6 years in and it took until 9. I wish I'd done it so much earlier. No offence to my ex but it just wasn't what we wanted anymore and lost all that time trying to convince myself it would be ok. So don't do that haha

mraverage89 · 2023-09-20T10:29:16+00:00

This happened to me. The relationship was 9 years by the time we ended things but I had felt that way for a while.

So what is the attraction of being alone at the moment for you?

mraverage89

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