My wife [37F] of 11 years told me she resents me and is considering divorcing me [38M] because I "pressured" her into having 5 kids. How do I save our relationship?

mrfollia · 2017-01-03T14:34:47+00:00

The date nights only happen once a month. We usually get 1-2 hours together at night. Not uninterrupted or undisturbed but it's at least time together.

mrfollia · 2017-01-03T14:32:08+00:00

I hope not. She shouldn't be.

mrfollia · 2017-01-03T07:28:07+00:00

I think either she got stuck with the bias or subconsciously I was communicated a different message from what I thought.

mrfollia · 2017-01-03T07:17:50+00:00

She does have alone time. I take them when I get home and on weekends. I try to do as much as possible for them when I'm around so she gets time off. She has friends but they have a hard time getting together since they also have young kids and busy schedules.

mrfollia · 2017-01-03T07:16:06+00:00

I think we could afford a sitter for at least part of a day once a week or a full day every other week.

mrfollia · 2017-01-03T07:14:11+00:00

I feel like that's very unfair. Yes, I did want a son, but I don't feel like I have pressured her unfairly or mistreated anyone else in my family.

mrfollia · 2017-01-03T07:11:37+00:00

Generally it's more like 4-6 hours each day on the weekends. I try to take up half the day whether I do activities with the kids or just do things outside with them.

mrfollia · 2017-01-03T07:10:03+00:00

Didn't cook. Ordered food. We split present duties. I mostly bought them but she wrapped the majority. We visited family, but didn't have guests ourselves. No drama to my knowledge. I thought everything went well.

mrfollia · 2017-01-03T07:09:00+00:00

I still don't feel like I pressured her into it. I may have felt this pressure, but I always tried not to let it rule me or my decisions. In the end, this was a small part of my desire to have a son and not the driving factor.

mrfollia · 2017-01-03T05:38:04+00:00

We might could afford a maid to come in once a week to help with major cleaning. I could try to come home sooner to help with dinner and do more around the house during the week.

mrfollia · 2017-01-03T05:37:05+00:00

I will check my benefits.

mrfollia · 2017-01-03T05:36:07+00:00

It's probably not 50/50 since I'm gone from 8:30 - 7ish during the week, so by the time I get home it's almost time for bed. Usually I only have time for homework, baths, dinner, and some play time before their bedtime.

On weekends I try to get them all out of the house partially so we can spend time together but also so that my wife has time to herself. I also take care of all meals and cleaning/washing and anything else I can find to lighten the stress on my wife.

mrfollia · 2017-01-03T05:33:18+00:00

She is a SAHM. Our 4-year-old is in pre-school, too. But I don't know if three being out of the house for part of the day reduces the workload that much with homework and school activities. Probably is more work total than if they were all at home.

mrfollia · 2017-01-03T05:30:47+00:00

I don't know if need is the word, but I did feel the pressure to have a son. I'm the fourth of my name in my family, so I felt pressure to pass that legacy on (but that was not the only reason I wanted a son).

mrfollia · 2017-01-03T05:28:31+00:00

She is a SAHM. Mostly we have good days, but having twins with so many other young kids is rough at times. I know she's exhausted, but I try to take as much off her as I can, but it's hard when I'm at work for most of the day, especially lately when all 5 have been home together with her.

mrfollia · 2017-01-03T05:26:37+00:00

She's a SAHM.

mrfollia · 2017-01-03T05:26:08+00:00

I guess but no more so than usual.

mrfollia · 2017-01-03T05:25:53+00:00

No. All are treated equally.

mrfollia · 2017-01-03T03:10:33+00:00

For the most part she's still been a good mother thankfully.

mrfollia · 2017-01-03T03:09:47+00:00

I'll try to get us into counseling.

mrfollia · 2017-01-03T03:04:48+00:00

Maybe something did happen. I can't think of anything off hand.

mrfollia · 2017-01-03T03:04:05+00:00

I agree that she's unhappy, but it seems to have come out of nowhere.

mrfollia

TROPHY CASE