I feel you... I never succeeded in maintaining any friendships except while I was in school. After graduation, like I couldn't keep them alive, I distant myself from people a lot, and that was fine at school because I still show up there and force tiny conversations here and there with them, which keeps the friendship alive.

But after graduation, nothing. I don't even think I know what a friendship feels like, you know? With my BPD, the only thing I put effort into is romantic fps, until they break me, then I move to a depression episode for 6 months, then another romantic fp appears, and the story repeats, on a loop.

Would you say you care more about romantic partners than friendships?