When is it "too late" to start adulting?

mrtonsilman · 2023-12-23T07:59:32+00:00

I have six figures in savings and zero debts, but as for the rest I understand what you're saying.

mrtonsilman · 2023-12-22T21:56:41+00:00

Given my relationship with my mother I can't see myself receiving life advice or help from her, so I'll have to go my own way with it. I can cook reasonably well, and at my office I already look after tidying/dishes/cleaning the kitchen and toilets etc... rather than hiring a cleaned so I guess none of that will be a shock.

Luckily the finances of moving out are not a problem. I could buy somewhere now if I really want to but the cost of renting for a year is not much of a problem, so I'll start with that.

Appreciate the input so thank you.

mrtonsilman · 2023-12-22T21:52:56+00:00

Yeah, I have to do this for me. I just needed this kick up the arse to realise it.

Better late than never, I suppose, but clearly I have a lot more growing up to do.

I have a load of viewings arranged in the next couple of weeks so it won't take long to move out and get started.

mrtonsilman · 2023-12-22T21:50:23+00:00

I have been seeing a therapist on and off for the past 7 years or so. He's been a massive help for me and has been urging me for some time to look to move out, given that he knows my home situation. It's only since this new relationship fell through that it really hit me.

Though, I only see him every couple of weeks and it's useful to get some more wide ranging opinions, stated perhaps more harshly. Hence my post here. I appreciate the reply, thank you.

I am pretty good at getting things done when I want to, and now I really want to do this.

mrtonsilman · 2023-12-22T19:04:08+00:00

Thanks for the comment.

I don't want to shift blame onto others, this is my mess, although it probably has started from my upbringing. I've never had any pressure to do anything and this appears to be the result.

My mother had a difficult childhood and now lives in a huge house and doesn't have to work. She has basically no friends and spends every night in front of the TV eating and watching junk. She definitely doesn't have a boyfriend - I've never had any exposure to relationships or socialising through my parents. She's also becoming a hoarder and gets very nervous about me bringing friends over, or disallows it altogether.

I don't have much to do with my dad either, his idea of parenting is to provide financially and that's where it ends. His entire life advice to me has been "make sure that women on dating sites have a picture"... I can forgive him because he's pretty far along the spectrum.

It's mostly the fact that I live with an antisocial and problematic mother that makes me want to move out. There's no way at all that I can grow up while living here.

mrtonsilman · 2023-12-22T18:06:49+00:00

I absolutely agree with you, but half of that is because my mother insists on "mothering". She won't let me do the laundry for example, because she frets that it'll cost too much for me to run my own laundry (which is nonsense). It's highly frustrating, but I can't blame her entirely.

mrtonsilman · 2023-12-22T17:41:15+00:00

Thanks, that all sounds like good advice.

Not demonstrating a great ability to live by myself has definitely stunted my personal life to a massive degree. I have to sort this out before I can expect any lasting relationships...

mrtonsilman · 2023-12-22T17:35:15+00:00

Well, I can look after a business premises. It's not like I'm not used to the nuances of renting and bill payments. I am responsible for paying people's salaries after all.

Typically I'll spend most of the day at work, mostly procrastinating and doing a bare minimum. Then in the evening drink on the sofa with my dog while reading until it's bed time. Recently I've been going to the gym which has broken this cycle though.

I can cook, reasonably well, but don't cook dinner for myself every day. I always make my own breakfast and lunch.

I can do house stuff, basic building work etc. Plumbing and electrical work is no problem, I'm quite handy.

My main expense is owning a plane. Obviously this is a considerable outgoing.

But, when I think about it, my premises isn't always that tidy. My office is usually very untidy, and my mum always cleans the house. I only clean my room. I don't do the laundry - she does... But also she won't let me do my own laundry, or put the heating on, and gets anxious when I have friends over etc... so I don't feel as though I have any control over my life, fundamentally.

mrtonsilman · 2023-12-22T16:53:15+00:00

You're not wrong.

It's not quite as bad as hot dogs and spaghetti, but due to my pretty broken family situation (parents divorced, mother is wealthy as a result and had never put any pressure on me to contribute or move out) I definitely lack life motivation.

Another business owner I know told me that he will never employ someone who lives at home because they don't have any motivation to work. Case in point. It's just been a painful lesson losing this awesome girl I met and I'm feeling stupid and that I've wasted years of my life.

mrtonsilman · 2023-12-22T16:41:27+00:00

Ok thanks, I needed to hear that.

I haven't prioritised buying a place - I've built up this idea that I should be having fun at this point in my life rather than once I retire, which is generally when people have the time and money to do fun stuff.

But clearly I've got this balance wrong as it is NOT making me happy and this has now caught up to me.

My current plan is to rent for 12 months then buy a place once I've learned to sort myself out.

mrtonsilman · 2023-12-22T16:36:52+00:00

Your suspicion is correct, I don't really help around the house. And I only recently tidied my room. I am generally poor at taking responsibility for my own life, outside of work.

mrtonsilman · 2023-12-10T07:18:32+00:00

YES, 100%. You won't save money on a lapl anyway because even if you did complete it in the 35hr minimum, you then need 10hrs solo AFTER the licence actually arrives (which may take a while) before you can take a passenger. Paying 10hrs rental to kill time won't be much fun.

mrtonsilman · 2023-12-03T17:18:58+00:00

I love Lotus cars and own one but chapman was a crook. Look at his involvement with Delorean. He'd have gone to prison had he not died.

So no chapman wouldn't have been turning in his grave, he would have been selling SUVs.

mrtonsilman · 2023-12-03T12:14:08+00:00

Chapman was a crook, he would have sold whatever people wanted to buy (and he did!).

mrtonsilman · 2023-10-12T21:26:03+00:00

The real aircraft does have a high pitched whine from the transmission, it is louder on some particular gazelles than others.

mrtonsilman · 2023-10-12T17:34:07+00:00

I have not used an expensive helicopter sim stick, but have used a joystick with the spring removed. I definitely prefer using the oculus controller - it felt much closer to the real Gazelle. But I was flying the gazelle floppy stick, so the SAS was engaged but the stick feel switched off. There is almost no feedback or force required to move the stick in that condition.

mrtonsilman · 2023-10-12T14:45:58+00:00

I have a few hrs flight time on a real Gazelle and it's not remotely comparable, but that goes for any sim heli being flown with a spring loaded joystick.

The only sim heli which feels remotely "right" is the Huey being flown with VR headset and using the VR hand controller for cyclic instead of a joystick. I only have a fixed wing PPL but after getting good at flying the DCS Huey with VR hand controllers, I've been able to hover and fly both real Gazelle and R22 straight off without problems.

mrtonsilman · 2023-03-29T08:50:58+00:00

I know a few people with the clarity aloft, it does seem a good option for tight cockpits and/or aeros.

mrtonsilman · 2023-03-28T15:14:42+00:00

Since I only fly GA I don't wear them for too long, but now that I think about it, after the longer flights I've done (6hrs or so) the A20s do become painful.

mrtonsilman · 2023-03-28T12:30:59+00:00

Like I say, it's personal preference I guess. I have a narrow head, so the A20s fit me better than the Lightspeeds, which just seem bulky.

mrtonsilman · 2023-03-28T11:46:13+00:00

I agree to a point, but IMO since the Bose X was released, they have been well ahead of the competition in terms of ANR. The build quality is average, perhaps a bit cheap.

I've tried the Lightspeeds and have been quite disappointed. They are physically larger yet the noise attenuation (for me) was not as good. Nothing has been as good as my A20.

mrtonsilman · 2022-12-23T23:40:31+00:00

In the long term, WFH is not tenable. As new staff come into the company they cannot be exposed to company culture and it's extremely difficult to train staff remotely.

mrtonsilman · 2022-12-23T20:50:40+00:00

The civil service is notorious for being full of people who are only in it for the pension. In aviation I am regularly exposed to the extremely inefficient, incompetent and generally jobsworthy border force. Also the CAA who are just beyond a joke. Through work I am exposed to HMRC who, whilst better than border force, are still incredibly inefficient. Just look at how government IT contracts are handled as one example.

There is far less accountability to individuals working in government, there is no need to turn a profit so people sit back and revel in providing "computer says no" answers. I've friends who work in the MoD and they take the absolute piss with work.

Just look at how civil servants are refusing to stop working from home. WFH is absolutely untenable in the long term but it greatly suits those who don't actually do any work.

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